Angelenos, keep an eye for Rilchiam on the news

You may turn on Fox News to hear John Beard or Christine Devine say, “A crazed woman entered the offices of InternetConnect online services armed with…” I don’t know what I would arm myself with, but I am pretty close to the edge.

First my car breaks down. Then my Walkman breaks down. I still can’t find that green jumper, and I have little to no money, and not much hope of getting any.

Then, yesterday morning, I try to get online and I can’t. I make the first of many calls to my ISP. Long story short, they’ve eliminated the possibility of a network problem or a PC problem, and they’re saying it’s the modem. So I will be offline until they send someone out on Monday.

I’m at the library now, but I can’t hog their 'puter, so I’m just checking my e-mail and posting this.

This could not have happened at a worse time. Mr. Rilch has started working nights, and I was licking my chops at the process of staying online as late as I liked. Plus, the friend we have staying with us is doing his job search on the Net, and this isn’t good for him. Part of the reason I called my ISP so many times and made sure that they were taking me seriously and exploring all possibilities, as well as expediting my case and telling me the right things to do, was for his sake. I have a gnawing feeling that if I hadn’t kept on their ass as I have been doing, they still wouldn’t even have opened my file.

I want to rage and scream and smash things. I want to break into a house of people who have the internet and hold them hostage while I stay on the SD until I’ve had enough. I feel like that guy in that Twilight Zone episode (Thanks, mom, for insisting that I watch that with you!) that I can’t watch again, and don’t like to hear people quote from or even discuss, so please don’t.

I hope it can be fixed. I hope it won’t cost anything, because I can’t afford it. I know they’re going to adjust my bill and not make me pay for five days w/o access.

Also, if there are any updates to the LA Dopefest plan, can someone send me an e-mail? I can find ways to check my e-mail, and I’d like to be in on that 'fest.

Thanks for listening, y’all.

A crazed woman entered the offices of InternetConnect online services armed with an eggbeater and a six-week old kitten today and threatened hapless employees. She said they had the choice of having their eyes scratched out or “taking a helicopter ride” unless her internet service was restored immediately.

Speaking anonymously, one employee said they sympathized with the woman’s plight but were helpless to aid her. “We called our help line and they put us on hold. Besides, we never say it’s our fault.”

Order was restored when police arrived with SWAT teams and nuked the office.

SUSPECT DRUG INVOLVEMENT IN TERRORIST ATTACK

A woman who narrowly escaped incineration after threatening an internet service provider is suspected of seeking drugs to feed a long-standing addiction. A member of the SWAT team that destroyed the ISP offices said that he distinctly heard the woman describing plans for being “up” all night and wanting to attend a “dopefest”. She was also said to be seeking a “green jumper”, street slang for a potent meth-like drug.

Hmmm my walkman died on me once at work. I was about to go insane. Luckily iIonly got half way there since I had internet access. Everything breaks? No money to pay for it? No internet, no walkman?? No car? Reminds me of my current ‘starving college student’ syndrome…

I sympathize.

Don’t fret, If you get caught you can always hide out at my home in the south bay. Or I’ll just mail you a cherry pie with a nail file in it :slight_smile:

CONSPIRACY SUSPECTED

It is now known that the woman attacking random internet services earlier today is part of an organization known as “the SDMB”. The true name and purposes of the group are as yet undetermined but it is rumored that the cult members are all of above average intelligence. The only other information available about this oddball group is that they leaders are referred to as “moderators” or “administrators” and that they are attempting to set up a state run by someone named “Cecil” and have an unusual antipathy for trolls.

Group members have been trying to contact the female suspect but have been unable to reach her due to so-called “modem problems”. One member has already offered to assist in her escape if she is apprehended.

The suspect goes by the name of “Rilchiam” when communicating with her henchmen. The origin of the name is obscure but authorities suspect it is an alias.

Tee-hee!

Isn’t this fun?

And Rilch can’t do a thing about it till she can get back online.

Don’t worry Rilchiam, we’ll make sure that you are informed of any news concerning the dopefest. In the meantime here’s wishing you good luck with your ISP.

pluto, the new’s updates are great!

film at 11:?

Woohoo! I knew it would take a woman to fix this! The noble TeriAnn rappeled into my apartment at 1000 hours this morning, fiddled with a few circuits, and with the permission of her superiors, reinstated my cyber priveleges! Yeeha!

I’ll have to catch up on five days of MPSIMS, so I may bump some topics: watch your heads! Ahhhh…I feel like a kid in some kind of a store!

Thank you all for the moral support!

Oh, and I’m so glad Purplebear’s okay. That was still an ongoing story when I left. I haven’t opened Mr. Bear’s thread yet, but I assume everything’s cool.