Children and animals are the only things that ever manage to really make me mad. I love children and I love animals, but in small doses. I get extremely frustrated when I have to deal with something I can’t communicate with. gurblespewwaaaaaaah SPEAK ENGLISH YOU LITTLE RODENT.
I don’t get mad over things like spilled drinks. My problem is holding it all in until something sets me off. Like Scattergories.
One time I played Scattergories with some friends, and I ended up losing. Badly. Everyone else had added up their scores and I was dead last, by a considerable margin. I’m very competetive, but I don’t have to always win, I just need to be better than somebody. So I didn’t want to reveal my score, I thought saying “I lost” would suffice. A friend of mine kept bugging me, which was really pissing me off.
I was already mad that I lost, and mad at myself for being mad, and embarassed about being mad, and he just made it worse by bugging me about it. So I finally just lost it, screamed something I can’t remember, and left in a huff.
I don’t do that very often. I wouldn’t get extremely upset over some of the things listed, but when I do get upset it’s quite frightening. So I guess I’d say I don’t have a short fuse, just a regular fuse attached to a massive freakin’ powderkeg.
I understand that it’s a problem, I’ve actually thought about going to anger management before, I just don’t know if that would work. It’s not so much controlling the anger, it’s expressing myself when something is starting to bother me that would work best. I never randomly explode, it’s always a variety of factors coming together that, one at a time, wouldn’t bother me a lot, but added all up, with some time to brood, then I explode.
I’m not sure of the name for this (other than embarrasing stupidity). I used to see my father do it when I was young and I’m a little alarmed that I see the exact same behavior in myself.
Sometimes, something embarrasing or even humiliating will happen to me … say at work or in traffic. I’ll let it go at the time, taking the high road. Later that day or that night, when I’m alone, as I think back over the events of the day, I’ll come to that moment. In my mind, I’ll find myself re-writing history. Instead of just taking it, as I replay it in my mind, I’ll say things to them like “You Inconsiderate SOB!!! Who-T-F do you think you are?” as I confront them for their asshattery and give them their just desserts.
The scene will play out in my mind, but in the real world, I’ll be angry, clenching my teeth, and pacing aggressively. Someone walking in on me then would find me pacing angrily and perhaps muttering to myself. Of course, if someone did walk in on me, I’ll be extremely embarrassed, and try to laugh it off, saying that something from the office had gotten me angry.
I’ve often wondered if this behavior wasn’t one of the types of anger management that people go to classes to rid themselves of.
I do this sometimes, too. I don’t usually pace, but still rewrite history and have some choice words for the asshat that cut in line or whatever.
Sometimes I make entire events up and daydream about shooting the people I hate in the kneecaps. I’m sure that can’t be healthy.
I didn’t realize I had a temper until I was badly hurt by an ex boyfriend, then I blew up and couldn’t come down. I was very ANGRY and felt very VIOLENT inside.
A few weeks into it, I got myself a puppy. She calmed me down considerably.
But I still had sparks of anger. Not “I hate myself for spilling this drink!” anger but I could go from calm to “I want to kill someone” much quicker than I had thought.
Then I realized that I needed an outlet, and that outlet was karate. I didn’t learn much of the Buddhist principles behind martial arts, but oddly enough I had to learn to deal with being in a class (that I paid for) with a bunch of snotty kids who would not shut up or stand still. I had to learn to “zen” myself out just to deal with them.
Then I got into sparring and realized how much I liked getting my ass kicked (your only real choice when you are just learning!) and it calmed me down. Just getting out there and flaling around and being hit and hitting someone else…it just worked.
It’s kind of creepy to know that I have a “violent” temper but it is even better to know that I have identified it, given myself an outlet, and know exactly how to calm myself down.
Yes, it is. You are displaying a passive-aggressive response. That means that when the incident first happens, you are very passive in your behavior. You don’t show that you are angry or hurt. You may not even be in touch with your feelings much at all. You just soak it up inside.
But you can’t keep anger inside forever and it comes out later where you feel safe to express your hostility and rage at being put down or hurt.
One of the solutions is to find the middle ground known as assertive behavior. When something happens that is unfair to you, you speak up about it in a calm and firm way so that you are treated fairly and the other person is treated respectfully too. It prevents anger from building up and makes you feel more powerful and capable. A class in anger management would surely teach you how to be assertive rather than passive or aggressive. (There are some really cool techniques to use.)
I used to have a probem with rage. Several things happened to change that. I found out what I was really angry about and so I quit being angry about everything. I realized that anger can probably become physically addicting. It releases some hormone or chemical that gives us a rush and there we go! I learned that I have more choice about being angry than I thought I did. The sentence “It’s just a __________” can really come in handy in helping me to gain perspective:
It’s just a plate of food; it’s not our entire friendship that is ruined.
It’s just my car that was destroyed – not my grandson.
It’s just the house that was destroyed; we have our lives.
(These are just examples; we’ve been really lucky.)
Anger can eat you alive – give you ulcers, cardiovascular disease, depression – who knows what else.
Don’t ever say you can’t change. I did in my fifties and I wasn’t even trying.