Angry at my band

The BBQ Pit
1

I usually don’t rant or complain about things, but recent events have caused me to boil over somewhat, and I’m wondering if I’ve made the right decision to leave a band I’m in.

This group has (had?) been together for 4 years. I started playing in it when I was in high school. It was the first musical group I was in and was my main medium for playing my instrument. We made progress for about 2 years until we hit stumbling blocks.

At a gig about a year ago we were taking a break and members of the band got a little out of hand. Essentially they had too much to drink. Not only was their stage etiquitte rude and hostile (especially to members of the band who weren’t drunk) but their musicianship suffered as well. Songs were played in the wrong key etc. At a very important gig later that month members showed up late and hung over which obviously again effected attitude and musicianship. Now I don’t have a problem with people drinking but when it effects stage etiquite I do.

Members of this group also show neglect at rehearsals. We never started on time, and people would forget music, or sometimes not show up at all (I missed about two rehearsals through about four years of playing. Once, one member came to a rehearsal without his instrument!?!). I would constantly attend rehearsals while others would skip out to be with girlfriends etc.

I mostly have issue though with the way the band was run. No one had any sense of direction. And a certain member of the band (whom we shall name Joey) began feuding with another member of the band (Steven). Eventually Joey tried to rally everyone else against Steven basically because he didn’t like Steve getting involved with decision making. Joey sent an email out to everyone (except for myself because I am good friends with Steve) , to try to get rid of him. His stated reasons for wanting to remove Steve was that he had poor stage etiquitte on and off stage. BULLSHIT! Steve has been an excellent ambassador for the band, he was always contacting places and TV stations for publicity. Joey on the other had previously gotten wasted on stage, and has skipped out on rehearsals to spend time with his girlfriend.

:eek:

I thought this email approach was disgusting to say the least. Where is the democracy in this ensemble? Joey skipped my opinion because he knew I would disagree with him.

I and Steven have now quit due to this stupidity. The next day only reaffirmed my belief that Joey is a jerk. Right in front of me he casually talks about replacing me and Steven. Can’t he show any respect at all? I understand I that made a decision to leave, but I still have emotional ties to the ensemble. To Joey it’s as if I never even played in the ensemble for the last four years. He didn’t have to mention replacing me in front of my face as if to say, “your expendable”.

Other musicians in the group though have neither praised my decision nor scorned it. Here is another thing that irks me. At one point one member was by my side ready to quit, but when the time came he laid low and said nothing. Again quitting was my own decision to make, but I feel somewhat betrayed.

My biggest concern though is that I am losing faith in my profession. I am trying to be a full time musician/music teacher but I have not been very inspired over the past year. Most musicians I have met have been full of themselves or not dedicated enough. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Was I right to leave this group? Also I am much more on my own now as a musician. I feel good on having made a final decision (something which certain members of the band have not been able to do) , but now I must go it alone finding gigs, groups, etc.
I have nothing more to say right now other than “fuck”

:mad:

2

About halfway through reading that, I said, “Well, gee, why don’t you quit?” So, yeah, I was pleased when I read that you did.

3

Having previously managed a couple of bands when I used to do live sound I can tell you that musicians are a pain in the proverbial. They are as big a headache as family with the one added benefit that if you don’t like your current family you can walk out and join a new one. Better luck next time and try not to hold any grudges - in music nothing is permanent you may find yourself playing with some of these people again.

4

Exactly why my husband plays solo- only occasionally with another person, and even THAT is a pain in the ass.

5

Now you know how many studio musicians got their start. :wink:

Just keep on playing; that’s the important thing to do. What do you play, by the way?

6

Hang in there. OK, I am currently lucky and work with people I like, but have had occasions where such was not the case - including coming to on-stage blows more than once.

Seriously though, it will all come out in the wash, and although you may end up with totally different people in your working circle, it will work.

7

Quasimodal, welcome to rock and roll.

Not to denigrate your experiences, but what you have described is totally run-of-the-mill ego crap that has gone on in every band since the Neanderthals starting banging rocks together. I know exactly how you feel, but there’s just no getting away from it.

You seem to be a subscriber to the “Band” theory of rock and roll organization, rather than the “Solo” theory. I applaud you for that. The “Solo” theory holds that one person must be in control of all of the muscial decision. Prince is an excellent example of the good and bad in Solo performers. Solo performers tend to be very good at compostion and arrangement, but suffer in the spontenaety department. Prince’s best work, Sign O’ the Times, was largely a solo effort where he wrote all of the songs and played most of the instruments himself on the record. But his most popular–and perhaps most fun–work was Purple Rain where he had a great band (The Revolution) who played as a unit and acted as a check on his worst excesses.

The “Band” theory emphasizes a community of equals. Everybody gets a say in the decision-making process. The Beatles at their best were the finest practitioners of this theory. Ringo said the best thing about the Beatles, and what made them great, was that everybody put in their ideas and they went with the best one, no matter who came up with it. The results were great, but needless to say, when the system broke down, it broke down in a hurry with disasterous effects.

I personally subscribe to the Band theory, but you have to recognize that some people are just plain better musicians than other people and that Paul’s going to come up with more good ideas than Ringo. But Paul did his best work with Ringo and John, who he trusted and whose voices and criticisms he internalized. When Paul came up with an idea that was too corny, he knew John would reject it and worked on it some more or discard it entirely. When John came up with something too wierd, he had Paul’s voice in his head objecting to it so he worked on it some more and made it better. The creative tension that resulted made both parties work harder, and they made the best rock and roll ever. Same for Jagger/Richards or Bono/Edge/Clayton/Mullins. But that creative tension also creates real life tension and that’s why great bands of equals are so rare or eventually become Wings.

Being in a band is like dating three (or, four or whatever) people at once. You think having one girlfriend is hard, try having a whole bunch! And even if you get along with everybody else, all it takes is a conflict between a couple of other members of a band to screw everything up. It won’t even be your fault.

Yes, the other guys in your band were acting like drunk prima donna assholes. That’s the way musicians are. Rockers are going to get drunk and be obnoxious on stage. It’s OK until you become the Replacements and can’t get through a song. A little audience abuse is not a bad thing, either. The Sex Pistols made a career out of it. The audience sees it as being “edgy” unless it gets totally out of hand, so don’t be so uptight about it. There’s a story about Bill Wyman’s 50th birthday party. His son’s band was scheduled to play the party, but when it came time for them to start, the son staggered up to Bill and said “Dad, I think I’m too drunk to go on.” The Stone put his hand on the kid’s shoulder and said “Son, that’s no excuse. Get your ass up on stage.”

So as to the band, fuck 'em. If there are some people you still want to play with, convince them to come on board with you and start a new band. If you want to be the band leader, fine, just treat the other musicians with the respect you know they deserve and, as the SubGenuis say, build your own spaceship.

8

Hey vibrotronica, great post!

Quasimodal, I don’t have vibrotronica’s knowledge of the music scene, but I do know enough about human nature to agree with those who said this is par for the course, in life and probably rock n’ roll. The best thing to do is to learn something from this, i.e., what types you don’t want to work with.
Now go out and start a new band with Steve.

9

Though I guess I forgot to mention I’m actually in a swing/Jazz/funk band. I’m sure all the points you mentioned will slide nicly into my genre of music.

I think you are right Vibro. The problem in my band is that some people were more equal than others, while some were trying to have a band mentality. Also a problem was that there were 8 of us! It was difficult for us to ever unanimously agree

Joe K, I play guitar

(or at least try to:) )

10

I was intrigued by your thread, Quasimodal, and because I’ve been in a about a thousand bands as a drummer myself, I decided to contribute a comment.

What brought y’all together in the first place is your love for music, and that was/is your common thread, but that is where the dream stops and reality begins. When you lay down the axe or the sticks you’re individuals again with other interests and other responsibilities and that has to be understood and respected, but when you commit to learning a tune and performing it, then you once again become part of the whole, and you damn well better act that way, or it’s for shit. Some of the best bands I drummed for broke up not because of musicianship but because someone got the red-ass and couldn 't get over it and just let if fester. They made everybody suffer.

I sympathize with your situation and wish you all the luck in the world even if it means re-forming with some other people. I also appreciate your caring enough about the music to post what you did. Props to you, dude.

Other than that, I cannot possibly improve on what vibrotronica wrote.

Glad to see we have something else in common! :wink:

Q

11

Hey, at least they made it to the break. I showed up to a gig with one of the guitar players in my band and the other guitar player who had been at the party for too long threw up on his guitar case and passed out before we even set up. That was the beginning of the end for him.

I dunno.

My particular tunnel doesn’t seem to have an end. I keep moving through it and every once in a while a bright spot appears over here and something good happens. Then it ends and I’m back in the tunnel and then another bright spot appears over there and something else good happens, then it ends. And so on. I’m not (nor have I ever been) a full-time pro, by the way, but I’ve been playing music one way or the other for 25 years or so.

One thing you might think about is moving if you’re not happy with your local scene or just burned out on it. That might not be such a great idea if you have a large student clientele but I thought I’d mention it.

Like everybody else said - being in a band is hard. It’s hard physically and it’s hard emotionally. But playing in a band when you’re all playing from your very soul and it’s really happening - that’s one of the best things life has to offer if you ask me. It’s also very fleeting and there’s the other 99.9% of the time you spend with your band and it’s politics that you have to consider. Sometimes it’s worth the hassle, sometimes it’s not.

12

Quasimodal (dang, this is going to be hard with 'modem around), you should also ask around at reputable recording studios. There are many, many professional musicians who know how to treat their musicianship as a business and do not fuck around.

Reputable recording studios know the good studio musicians, and good studio musicians know the good live payers. I’ve seen a lot of great band members in the big city and none would ever do the nonsense you describe – if they did, they wouldn’t find work. It’s as simple as that.

So talk to a few engineers and see if they can refer you to some musicians with whom you can start networking. Geez, I even know loud rody punk bands that know to keep their shit together. Musicians who remember that it is still a business are the ones you need to be meeting and jamming with until you can find a spot in a different band.

The ones who just wanna get together for the fun of making a lot of noise will just waste your time.

13

http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/

http://www.mindspring.com/~billanschell/Jam_session.htm
I thought you, Quasimodal, and anyone else would like these links to some jokes. Pay special attention to the second link; is this anything like what you have encountered? :wink:
Bands: can’t live with 'em, can’t kill them (for the most part).

14

I just fired my bass player who has been not only my bass player but a good friend for many years. He had slowly began to let his drinking affect his performance and started skipping rehearsals and finally cancelling dates. I consulted with my drummer and he agreed that he should be replaced. I found a stand in. My old bass player showed up at the first gig with the new guy and assaulted me on stage during the first set. Like someone else said, welcome to rock n roll.

I have done the solo thing and it does eliminate all the personality conflicts but it also eliminates the magic that happens when several people hit the zone together and jam thier asses off. Nothing like it.

Just keep your eyes open and another oportunity will come along. If you are proffesional in your attitude be sure to insist the same from anyone else you choose to play with or don’t play with them at all. If someone wants to get drunk and slaughter a few tunes there are plenty of garages around the country where they can do that.

BTW, I still need a permanent bass player. Interested?