I shall post at least 1 joke a week in this thread.
To start off with, a simple one:
What has wings and sucks blood?
Always Ultra
Moved Cafe Society --> MPSIMS.
And, Angry Lurker, feel free to use spoiler boxes ( [ spoiler] [/spoiler ], without the extra spaces) for your punchlines.
Ok, I had to read, and then REread the joke and punchline. It wasn’t until I said it OUTLOUD that I got it! FUNNNYYY!!! Do I have to wait a week for another joke???
My turn:
Have you seen the hit movie Constipation??
No? That’s right, it didn’t come out.
(wild hilarious applause and laughter ensues)
Me too. No clue why, as how it is said has nothing to do with the joke.
I also wonder if it’s actually funnier when it takes a little bit to get it…
Okay, now explain it to the rest of us schmoes.
Wow, I would have never gotten that, not being of the female persuasion. 
Well, I had to use Wikipedia to point me in the right direction, being equally unfemale.
I’d probably not have gotten it either if it were not for the fact that’s the brand my wife uses.
I laughed. Big time.
I’m confused, how did saying it out loud help?
What happened to the lady who backed into a fan?
Disaster
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked it out with a pencil.
Well, that’s appropriately repulsive. Sorry I asked.
[quote=“PlainJain, post:10, topic:540624”]
I’m confused, how did saying it out loud help?
Well, for me being a female, just saying Always Ultra outloud made more sense to me.
That was my point. I had no idea why it helped. Now all I can come up with is that, by saying it out loud, I stopped trying to shoehorn it into a pun. Saying it out loud confirmed it didn’t sound punny.
I knew the joke answer was going to be some feminine hygiene product once I thought about it for a couple seconds. I don’t get why the specific brand and type in the answer is any funnier than something else of that nature.
Guy, it’s a menstrual pad. If that squicks you out, how are you going to deal with the inevitable dead pooping baby jokes?
Anyway, I got it straight off, though pads don’t really “suck” blood. Neither do tampons, for that matter…but still cute.
[answering phone]
"Good morning, Incontinence Hotline. Please hold…Good Morning…
[/answering phone]
This morning a thief stole the toilet from the police station.
There’s no clues and the cops have nothing to go on.
Warning: These jokes are about the spree killings in Cumbria yesterday. I’ve put them here because they’re topical, and it would be potentially distressing to put them in the main thread discussing the killings.
Taking a trip to Whitehaven today? Better take a coat - it’s twelve under!
It’s bloody murder getting a taxi in Whitehaven. I tried to hail one today and he shot right past me
What’s green and brown with four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A snooker table.