My wife has a most infuriating habit. If something I did is bothering her she will not tell me right away. She will let it fester for four or five months, sometimes longer. Then it all comes out at one time, like explosive diarrhea, right on my head. What bothers me the most is that she waits so long after the problem occurred that there is no way to correct it.
What I would like to know is…
-Do most men share this problem with their wives?
-Do men do this?
-Is it unhealthy? (My WAG is yes)
-What can I do?
Thanks gang.
I (female) am usually all too eager to let people know how exactly how they’ve annoyed me. That has its drawbacks as well, of course
I do think it’s better than the “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you” game. I’ve noticed that more women do it than men, but it’s far from female-exclusive. Sulking is very unattractive no matter who’s doing it, of course.
My fiancee (spelling?) tends to do that from time to time. Actually, if there’s something boiling up and she has a bone to pick with me she’ll tell me early. What drives me nuts (and makes me worried) is when there is something more generic on her mind that’s obviously getting her down, she’ll refuse to tell me.
I find that to be our biggest problem. Lack of communication when there’s something important on our mind.
One day you’d leave a Coke can on the coffee table and BOOM! you’d get reamed for every transgression you’d commited in the past six months. Then she’d cry & apologize. Usually she’d blow again in another week and repeat the whole scene.
Does she realize she does this and that it’s not a healthy way to handle anger? Try to talk to her about it before it makes you insane. More than likely, that’s how she was treated growing up and doesn’t realize you don’t have to be that way.
Good Luck.
I’ll admit it, I’ve done this a time or two. I’m not proud of it, but at the time I had the best motivations. At least I did until I errupted into AngryTot.
Why did I do it? Well, a couple of reasons. One was that I didn’t want to appear pushy or naggish bringing up the problem. This was when I was still quite young and inexperienced in relationships. Another reason was the dreaded “I expect you to read my mind” syndrome. I felt like I was giving off clear cues that the behavior or incident upset me, but for whatever reason hubby didn’t recieve them. Took me a while to realize that he doesn’t analyze my every word and move the way I do!
How to solve it? Hard to say, but you need to start by letting her know that you can’t read her mind and that she needs to tell you ASAP when something first starts to bother her. Then when she does come to you with a problem, don’t immediatly get defensive (a problem of hubby’s when we first got married, don’t know if it applies to you.) She might think it will cause a fight if she brings things up, and avoids it until she reaches her breaking point. Definatly not healthy, but a lot of us wimmins were raised to avoid conflict at all costs.
But there is hope, I’ve gotten a lot better at letting MisterTot know my needs and he, in return, has gotten a lot better at really listening to me.
