In my 20-some years of marriage, nearly all of our worst fights have followed a similar pattern as follows.
Something happens resulting in a minor disagreement.
One or the other probably apologizes or explains, or at least the disagreement passes.
Some time passes - it could be minutes, hours, or days.
The wife says: “We need to talk about what happened.”
Husband says: "No we don’t. We talked about it then, and it is over."
Wife: “But we need to talk about your feelings.”
Husband: "No we don’t."
W: “It must still bother you, or else you wouldn’t still be so angry.”
H: "I’m not angry."
W: “Yes you are. Listen to the tone of your voice.”
H: "I’m angry NOW, because you insist on discussing this."
And so it escalates until things are said and done that cannot be taken back and that are long regretted.
While golfing the other day, one guy said something and it soon became obvious that that pattern held true for all 4 married guys in the foursome.
Later on that same round, 2 of the guys got into a dustup. The next hole they apologized to each other and it was over. Believe me, neither of them are going to bring it up next time we golf to discuss how they feel about ancient history.
So what’s the deal, ladies? Why do you insist on returning to past history, when from the guy’s perspective your actions are tantamount to picking an argument? Heck, it’s almost as tho we are from different planets …