More and more I think about you’re at fault here too. Yes, it’s wrong of her to assume you’re angry, but the reason she is returning to it is because it’s still bothering her - and you’re so inconsiderate you won’t even listen to her.
Are you pouting after your arguments? Does she want to talk about things because you’re stomping around the house and being an ass? Because my husband does this (occasionally…he’s generally pretty cool). I don’t want to talk about it when he does that, though, because I think that behavior is stupid. I just ignore him. Maybe she just wants you to stop sulking?
[Opinion hat on] It’s my observation that ***some women in general *** need a degree of closure when talking about subject A.
Further - some women in general need a degree of assuredness that YOU get what they are telling you, and that YOU understand what it is they are trying to convey to you. [/Opinion hat off]
My wife has to be sure that I understand what the disagreement was about, and where I or she went wrong before she can completely drop it. I find this to be true with many folk I have run into.
What I don’t understand, is how she can remember about that one time I was wrong, last year, but she can’t remember telling me that story about that time when she was in grade school the previous ten times.
My god. The nerve of the woman, attempting to discuss things with you.
Come to think of it, she hasn’t been pregnant for some time. Next thing you know she’ll be putting on shoes and getting outta the kitchen…
The comments above remind me of something: Remember this thread in a few months, folks, when a song called “Grumpy” or sometimes “She’s Grumpy, It’s My Fault” is scheduled to come out, written and performed by Kamuela Kahona (of Green Light Go).
The only available rendition on the internet is an absolutely worthless You Tube clip - don’t go there, you’ll have no clue what a fantastic song it is. KAPA radio on the Big Island of Hawaii has a recording he did in their studio that is stunning; that’s why I know what a masterpiece it is. The song is due out on a Green Light Go CD this winter and hopefully will be a smash hit.
Remember, you heard it here first.
How many times have you been married anyway? Does that actually work for you? Those passive-agressive answers would just irritate many women. They’re looking for a deep meaningful dialog, not a brush-off.
The problem with most relationships is communication…too much communication
Perhaps she could say that it is bothering her rather than this backhanded nonsense? Or is that crazy talk?
I freaking hate it when I try to talk to my husband and he gives me the “You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” FUCK! (See, Just thinking about it makes me angry.) I don’t want to assign blame. I’m not trying to talk about it because I think there’s some big scoreboard, and if I verbally beat him into submission, I can be smug and secure, knowing I won another round. I want to talk about it/apologize/analyze/whatever so the conflict doesn’t happen again. If I don’t know what I did to set him off, or if he doesn’t know what he did to do the same to me, then how on earth are we going to avoid the fight again?
But hey “I’m right” whatever that freaking means. Sure, I’m cut off at the knees and confused about the situation, but at least I’ve got the glory of knowing it’s all his fault!
I absolutely agree. I hate this kind of backhanded nonsense. I am just trying to say that it’s not just her fault, even this brief communication shows me it’s both people’s fault.
But you know, instead of just shutting her up, couldn’t he say something? “It really bothers me when you spring things on mee like that. If you need to talk about it for you, just let me know.”
I wonder how many of these failures of communication are caused because the offended party never communicated in the first place.
If that happens, you must put a beat-down on her like only a husband knows how.
Don’t forget to wear your best white tank-top undershirt.
Not all of us. Personally I hate talking things to death. Just my luck I married someone who has to chew all the flavor out of every single conflict.
Been married 5 years (anniversary last week thank-you-very-much) and the first thing I learned is that we both have very different goals in an argument.
I (the husband) am looking for a solution, compromise, answer as quick as possible. To me it’s very analytical and systematic.
She (the wife) isn’t even focusing on the outcome. To her it’s much more important that I hear about her feelings on the topic, that I understand her feelings on the topic, and that I can express my feelings about the topic.
Hell, we don’t even need a solution. As long as we each know how the other “feels” about it she’s good to go.
Similarily if she’s having a problem with a coworker, with a friend, or a family member. She want’s to bend my ear about it and my first thought is “oh, I should help her get through this, listen, give my input, help find a solution.”
All she want’s is for me to listen, regurgitate what she just said, and make sure I understand her feelings about it, period.
Now if we could just get past these type arguments:
Me: I’m going to get a drink, do you need anything?
Me: Is something wrong?
Me: Are you mad at me for something?
Me: What for?
Her: You should know.
Now I have to try to retrace my actions and comments from the past couple hours trying to figure out what it is. 2 more hours pass.
Me: I give up. What are you pissed about?
Her: Well now I’m not mad about what you said/did. I’m more mad that you didn’t know what it was that you said/did.
Me: :smack: :smack:
I don’t know. If I look at the dialogue as presented, I don’t see anything backhanded to start it.
“We need to talk.”
Not a backhanded thing to say. Then he cuts her off at the knees, then becomes angry that she thinks he’s probably angry because he cuts her off at the knees.
When I read it, I see his reaction as extreme and arrogant. “We don’t need to talk because I have declared it unnecessary!” The end.
This is NEVER a good way to begin a discussion.
And the nerve of the man, not wanting to grind every topic into the dust! When what he sould be doing is validating her with every breath! Bastard!
My husband pulls the silent treatment, too. It fills me with the malicious need to be really really fucking perky until he is forced to leave the room.
Oh, and he pulls the “nothing” card all the time.
Me: Something is obviously wrong, what is it?
Me: Will you please tell me what is wrong?
Me: Grr. Okay.
Me: Enough. What the fuck is wrong?
Him: I think I need to go to the hospital.
Him: Something’s wrong.
Me: (under my breath) Fuck you, Charlie. (Out loud) Let’s go.