Animal Planet Death Matches

First off, I’m not advocating cruelty to animals. I’m just extremely bored and have nothing better to do with my time.

Who would you say would win HYPOTHETICAL matches to the death between these animals, in a controlled environment, and why:

**BADGER VS RACOON

DIAMONDBACK WESTERN RATTLESNAKE V INDIAN KING COBRA

PIT BULL V DOBERMAN

TAG-TEAM MATCH
2 ARCTIC WOLVES V 2 AFRICAN HYENAS

OLD TIMERS MATCH
SABER TOOTH TIGER V WOLLY MAMMOTH

GREAT WHITE SHARK V KILLER WHALE

AFRICAN RHINO V AFRICAN ELEPHANT

AFRICAN LION V SIBERIAN TIGER

MAIN EVENT
ONE FALL TO A FINISH, STEEL CAGE

AMERICAN ALLIGATOR V AUSTRALIAN SALT WATER CROCODILE**

Do any other ghouls have other intriguing zoological matchups?

Badger - Hands Down.
Cobra - Because - I think anyway - Cobra’s venom is stronger.
PitBull - Dobermans are wussy dogs.
Wolves - No reason really except they are bigger.
Mamoth - No doubt here.
Killer Whale - I think the Shark would have a chance if it could stay away from the Whale’s mouth, but if the whale got his mouth around the shark it would be over.
Elephant - Again just size is my deciding factor.
Tiger - Tigers are way tougher than lions.
Slat Water Croc - I here they are really nasty buggers.

OK Vincenzo, I’ll bite too. [excuse the pun] <-- Oh that was poor… Anyway here.
Badger over racoon–> Badgers more aggressive.
Rattler over Cobra—> more jittery and quicker.
Pit Bull --> no contest here.
Wolves over Hyenas–> again no contest. come on vin you can think of more

Tiger over mammoth—> just saw a discovery documentary on the sabertooth. Very impressive
Killer whale over Great White—> seen it on film
Elephant over Rhino —> don’t know how, seems right.
Tiger over Lion—> there bigger
Aussi Croc over wimpy gater—> just the obvious

OK heres how about these

Wolverine and Pit Bull
Africanized Bees and George Bush
**domesticated Pig and Bin Laden **

???

are you kidding? the hyena would eat the wolf without working a sweat. even the female hyena would neuter that wolf before he could say “yip”.

[Moderator Hat ON]

I think this is more on an IMHO thing. So I’m moving it there.

[Moderator Hat OFF]

How about these?

Bryant Gumble vs. Rush Limbaugh?

Anita Bryant vs. Tammy Faye Baker?

Calvin vs. Dennis the Menace?

Sylvester Stallone vs. Fabio?

Barney vs. Yanni?

The Dalai Lama vs. Ghandi?

Benji vs. Toto?

Wesley Crusher vs. a chipmunk?

Willard Scott vs. Pavoratti?

Janet Reno vs. Nahh, nothing could stand up to that challenge.

Space Moose presents Animal Kingdom Kumite!

The story continues. Check out the archives for late 1995 and early 1996 for the rest of the story.

I should post a warning that applies to that last post. While none of my links leads to anything with what I consider truly objectionable content, “Space Moose” as a whole contains vulgar language, very adult situations, and (cartoon) male nudity. It is not for the very young, faint at heart, or delicate of sensibilities. The elderly or people with heart conditions should not read “Space Moose.” “Space Moose” is not a significant source of calories. Offer void in Nevada, Utah, and American Samoa. Click at your own risk. Keep circulating the tapes.

ONE of the matchups originally posted is not hypothetical.

In Africa, elephants and rhinoceroses encounter each other on a regular basis. And rogue male elephants (young males that don’t have a harem of their own) frequently pick fights with rhinos.

The rhinos who realize that discretion is the better part of valor survive. The ones that stand and try to fight get killed.

PART TWO OF ANIMAL SLAMDOWN!!

*Giant Brazilian tree sloth v. large sea sponge!

Alien v. one of the killer bugs in “Starship Troopers”!

Oprah v. Rabid Vampire Bat!

Herd of Mad Cows v. 2001 Washington Redskins*

BONUS NAKED TAG-TEAM MATCH TO THE DEATH!!

***Anne Robinson of “Weakest Link” and Giant Porcupine

                    v.

Kathie Lee Gifford and horny Australian dingo***

On Pay Per View! Don’t Wait!! Order Now!!!

Based on a famous WWWF Grudge Match:

A Rottweiler vs. A Rottweiler’s weight in Chiuawuas

(damn! I could never spell dog names)