Animal Planet - leader of White Trash Reality TV

Cafe Society
1

Call of the Wildman - Live Action! Staring the Turtleman. - are you kidding me? Some guy with few brains and fewer teeth goes around the Kentucky countryside capturing animals by hand. He gets paid usually in trade, like a hat full of eggs, a fresh pie, or something. I’ve seen a few shows, and although this guy is kind of amazing in how he catches snapping turtles barehanded, not to mention opossum, racoons, and whatever else you shouldn’t touch with your bare hands, Listening to a grown man make his weird, wild calls, watching him flex his non-muscular arm, and give his gummy smile, all while calling himself “Turtleman” is too much for me. But watching him come out of his trailer first thing in the morning, and take his “rain barrel bath” was a lifetime channel changer.

Finding Bigfoot - I’ve never seen it. All i know is what i’ve seen in previews between other AP shows. They have never found a Bigfoot. The show seems to consist of a fat white guy standing in the dark woods saying “that sounds like a “squatch.”” or some variant of that.

Rattlesnake Republic - another show of large, overweight rednecks, this time from Texas, I believe. Another show I have never seen… The previews are enough. Picture a group of fat, bearded white guys moving slowly into the camera frame, crossing their arms, and looking menacingly into the camera and you have seen the show.

Pit Bulls and Parolees - the previews alone frighten me. The women stars of the show are a scary lot, and are brought to a strange pose with a slow motion camera, bad hair, and very odd clothing choices. I have no idea what it’s about and dont want to. But they could be the biker wives of the rattlesnake dudes from the show above.

Hillbilly Handfishin’ - i admit to actually watching a few episodes of this, and that is all you need. Each episode is virtually the same, the only difference being the people comimg to this good ol’ boy’s farm for a vacation and a day or two of adventure ina filthy river in Oklahoma? Anyway, this is mildly entertaining for an episode or two, but to watch this show regularly is pointless.
Thats it. An off the top of my head list of shows on the network. And many times, these shows are run as marathons, so there are 8 or so of one show running back to back. WTF?

Clearly, AP is making money, and this is their thing, but why do these shows make money? Are there that many people ot there that can relate to these people on the shows? Does every whie person in the country know or have a relative looks like these people? If so, America, we are in trouble.

Anyone else have any comment or opinion about this dreck and the direction of American TV?

2

I’ve never seen any of these shows but I would love to see a special episode of Hillbilly Handfishin’ on Discovery’s Shark Week. :smiley:

3

Animal Planet is more for viewers who like to see animals killed than for animal lovers.

If people from other countries are watching, they must think that the U.S. is overrun by crocodiles.

Shows not listed in the O.P. : the guys that hunt wild pigs and Duck Dynasty. I guess people like this crap.

4

Isn’t Duck Dynasty the show about that freakshow Bearded family (even the women are bearded!) that made some duck call that made them millionaires?

If so, thats just not right. I havent seen it though.

good addition to the list though. Man, that station has changed, and not for the better.

5

The undisputed champion is actually TruTV - it’s not even close. Trash in court (CourtTV) during the day, and trash at work and at play all night.

6

Correction: Duck dynasty in on A&E. Same crap, different channel.

7

Then correction, bad addition to the list! (even though it fits my general complaint, it doesnt air on AP).

Also, AP has other barf-o-rama shows like “Too Cute”, puppies amd cats episodes, so unless they are killing these on the show, not all AP programming shows people killing animals. Acrually, its the opposote. It’s mostly animal friemdly now that I think about it.

8

There’s River Monsters on AP – the title tell me enough to avoid it. And the even more ridiculously named Fish Warrior, but that’s on another network.

9

River Monsters is really just an “extreme” fishing show that tries to get to the bottom of tall tales and usually succeeds. There’s really no woo to it at all, as the title alone might suggest. (They often discuss the woo/legends, but only as a way of discovering the truth.)

Not a bad show at all, even if you’re not interested in fishing. Though that obviously helps, the exotic/remote locations alone are usually plenty interesting in just a general travel-show kind of way.

10

Isn’t this the go-to visual for all these “reality-based” shows, whether they be on Animal Planet, or the History Channel, or the Discovery channel, or A&E? Whether they be Ice Road Truckers, Hardcore Pawn, Storage Wars, American Restoration, or pretty much anything at all they have on the air?

That slow-motion pose of the cast members looking into the camera and crossing their arms with so-serious looks on their faces … I hate that. It’s become this huge cliche, because they’re all doing it. It’s stupid. You can’t think of some other more original way to promote your pretending-to-be-reality-but-in-actuality-posed-planned-and-edited-to-the-last-detail show?

Well, I guess since they’re all done pretty much the same way, maybe using the exact same look and pose in your promos is a way to pull in the audience. Since those viewers want to know exactly what they’ll find in these mostly pointless programs.

On the Animal Planet front, my daughter loves the “Too Cute” series. She’s nearly 23 and a grad student. I’m not sure how she avoids diabetes when she watches those, with all the syrupy cuteness that gushes out of the TV screen. Gah!

11

It is THE way to introduce the show’s “stars” in reality TV. THat slo-mo, arm crossing while turning technique is really the only way I can think of how it os done. You are right.. Even “Ink Masters” does this, where they show not only the judges turning into the camera with their arms crossed, but also each contestant is introduced at the beginning of the program one by one that way (although some don’t cross their arms, they had one contestant that was a little person or dwarf (a midget), who crosses his arms. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have arms long enough to cross, and it looks a bit silly.).

Wow, there are more of these shows than I thought. “Ice Road Truckers”… What a bad show!

Let’s also not forget the wave of business saving shows, like “Restaurant Impossible”, “Bar Rescue”, “Hotel Something”, etc… What is happening to us as a nation? Are we just a bunch of voyeurs, content with watching manufactured drama on TV? These shows all follow the professional wrestling script, where you have good guys and bad guys, fake conflicts, arguing and fighting.

We are pathetic.

12

What was the impetus for all of this? I know there have always been plenty of things on the Travel channel about the worlds wackiest hotel spots or the craziest pig-out restaurants but they were never on the scale of Pawn Stars, American Restoration, etc.

Did Deadliest Catch and Dirty Jobs start all this?

13

As far as I can tell, the draw in Turtleman is that he’s basically Hillbilly Steve Irwin: unconventional, a little crazy, but surprisingly effective. You don’t watch the show for the catches so much as Turtleman being his…ah…unique self.

I’d kind of like to know which parts of the show are staged, though. The disclaimer says that there are reenactments–obviously, the parts of the shot that show the animal’s point of view are just done with a dude with a camera, but on some of the catches themselves it does kind of seem like Turtleman is unnecessarily riling up the animal he’s trying to get.

14

I blame the writer’s strike from a few years back.

15

More shows about not killing animals unless absolutely necessary:

Animal Cops: Houston (animal rescues and punishing those responsible for animals needing to be rescued)

Law on the Border (stories of border patrol K-9 units)

North Woods Law (stories from Maine game wardens)

Cats 101 (educational show about various cat breeds)

Dogs 101 (educational show about various dog breeds)

I’m Alive (stories of people being attacked by animals)

I Shouldn’t Be Alive (stories of people nearly killed by animals or nature)

Fatal Attractions (stories of people being killed by their pets)

16

Animal Cops: Houston is quite good in the sense that the abusers typically get what’s coming to them. Some of the stuff they show is pretty sickening though (poor horses). Animal Cops: New York is great too…they have full police powers.

Animal Cops: Detroit is just depressing. :frowning: The “animal cops” on this show don’t have much power at all.

I’ve often thought that part of the appeal of Turtleman is the entertainment of getting to watch (and probably laugh at) a “simple” redneck lifestyle without all the nasty political stereotypes.

17

Nasty Political stereotypes? What are those? This guy has no teeth, lives in a trailer in the woods with a rain barrel outside that he bathes in, and he gets paid in chickens, eggs, and other things.

Hey, he does stuff I’d never do. Forget about grabbing an opossum with my hands, he crawls into disgusting, scum-covered ponds with no visibility and disappears underneath. When he comes up with a snapping turtle, it’s pretty amazing. Once.

When little kids are cheering him on with their parents, yelling “c’mon Turtle Man!” it can make your eyes well up! (well, no.. Not really)
Live action!

18

Well, he doesn’t alternate his critter wrasslin’ with loud, ignorant speeches about various hot-button topics, so that has to be a good start. The rednecks I know have far more teeth than Mr. Turtleman, live “on the grid”, stick to the ignorant speeches, and limit their critter interactions to hunting. I don’t really see a problem with their hunting; while the bragging does get old after awhile (and just how many dead deer pics do you need to keep on your phone?), the meat doesn’t go to waste.

Hell, I’m amazed that he hasn’t contracted one of those brain-eating amoebas. I thought those things thrived in warm, stagnant waters. shudder