Band name.
That chandelier commercial has a special, permanent place tatooed on my brain. I think it was the juxtapositioning of the textures, fluid dynamics, and childhood memories of pancakes.
Pancakes: Let me tell you how cruel your namesake is…
Let’s see, my current bane of a commercial would have to be these damn drug commercials. Any of them. They obviously do 90 second, 60 second, 30 second, and 15 second versions of the same commercial, cut to length.
First of all, they all feature some ripoff version of a popular song, with slightly altered lyrics sometimes, but played all Muzac and overtop of soft and soothing pastel scenes of a woman practicing yoga or an elderly guy playing with his dog.
When you hear the possible side effects, it is hilarious. “May cause drowsiness, constipation, and your arms to fall off.” “Pregnant women must not even look at this commercial for fear of having a baby like that on ‘V’.”
But the funniest part is that sometimes the 15 second version of these commercials are truncated so much that they don’t even state what the drug is used for. All you hear is, “Ask your doctor if Prezalin is for you.” So, I’m going to make an appointment and walk into my doctor’s office and just go down my list. “Doc, is Prezalin for me? No? Okay, how about Amenaxic? No? Okay. Moving on…”
Everytime one of these commercials air, my wife and I scream at the TV, “What is it used for?!”
What in the hell was the commercial for a male impotence pill
( not viagra, though their ad of some 50 something guy throwing the ball through a tire swing just takes the cake.) that has the warning " Women who are pregnant must not have unprotected sex while her partner is using this product." Or something to that effect. It was a later at night commercial.
Where do I sign up for something that sounds like my husbands penis will be shooting out flaming like acid into my vagina?*
“Before (product X) my husband couldn’t get it up. Now, he has more energy and is happy. It doesn’t matter that every time I pee I pass out from the sheer pain, all that matters is that he can get it up again.”
If that isn’t a selling point, I don’t know what is.
- Mr. Ujest does not have any problems in this department. In fact, if someone could create an erectile dysfunction causing pill, I would be only too happy. It could be called, “* Down Boy.*”
It probably refers to her hair. (My hair is) as springy as I am.
[sorry, hijack]
Dear Homebrew
I just want you to know how cruel your user name is. Everytime I see one of your posts I am immediately seized by cravings for the beverage that is your namesake. It is mean. It is not fair. It makes me thirsty, when I still have two hours at work and 3 before my dinner. It makes me think dark, evil thoughts about sneaking off for a delicious sudsy beverage that is refreshing and gives me a little buzz.
I beg you to change your name, preferably to something deeply unappetising. How about “bud light”?
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
[/sorry, hijack]
SBC is selling service! Via Tommy Lee Jones…hmmmm. As in the trailers for missing. Would you buy services from THIS man?
Shirley Ujest, I think that football-through-tire-swing commercial actually isn’t for Viagra…although I have no idea what drug it’s for because I’m too fixated on the people in the commercial. It just cracked me up that you mentioned that, b/c at the bar I work at, we have TV’s behind the bar and they ALWAYS show that commercial a zillion times during sporting events.
And my boss comes up to me after the zillionth time, looking disturbed, and says, “Hey, Audrey…don’t you think a commercial about male impotence featuring a football landing in a hole is a bit…GRAPHIC?”
“No, not if you realize that before he started taking the drug, he couldn’t get the football into the hole…and now that he can, he just keeps throwing that football over and over again, with more and more vigor, and then his wife comes into the yard and gets all horny just watching him and they hurry into the house with their arms wrapped around each other. It’s beautiful, really.”
This is when Audrey’s boss looked confused and disturbed.
I’m pretty irritated myself with the 10-10-987 commercials where John Stamos just invades peoples’ homes and jobs and makes them listen to his spiel about cheap long-distance and, like, won’t go away until they agree that $0.03 a minute is a really cheap rate.
And is anybody else seeing those Tuesday Morning ads with Lauren Bacall in a limo, hawking cheesy discount crap and saying, "Tuesday Morning. Where you’re sure to find a treasure every time you shop."
That just makes me sad, people. I mean, c’mon. She was the star of How To Marry A Millionaire and it obviously didn’t sink in if she has to advertise Tuesday Morning to make the rent now.
Plus that stupid stuffed toy rabbit she holds up, wearing in a lacy dress, doesn’t look anything like a gift I’d treasure.
Unless it was for target practice or something.
I like the one that goes, “gotta go gotta go gotta go” and has the side effect of constipation. “Can’t go, can’t go, can’t go…”
imagine how i feel, whenever someone says, excuse me ms bacon…
i start salivating
I hate those ads! The first one was about rowing a canoe, that made me cringe. They’ve gone downhill from there. Just because you can use the same phrase to describe two completely different unrelated concepts, it doesn’t follow that one of them can teach you something about the other!
[sorry, hijack]
Dear i like bacon
I just want you to know how cruel your user name is. Everytime I see one of your posts I am immediately seized by cravings for the crunchy, slightly salty, mouth wateringly good film star that is your namesake. It is mean. It is not fair. It makes me horny, when I still have two hours at work and 6 before my bed time. It makes me think dark, evil thoughts about sneaking off for a romp with just me, a DVD, a tube of KY jelly, and a goat.
I beg you to change your name, preferably to something deeply unappetising. How about “i like sandler”?
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
[/sorry, hijack]
[The return of the Hijack]
Dear Shirley Ujest
I just want you to know how cruel your user name is. Everytime I see one of your posts I am immediately seized by an unsatiable urge to do that infamous line from the classic movie " Airplane" over and over again. I also have started having strange feelings for my blow up doll and have started sniffing glue again. My bad.
In the future, please consider changing your user name to something less addictive, like : ** chocolatecoveredboobs** or more friendly ( less Leslie Neilsonish) ** Ura Kidding **.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
Annoying commercial:
The Leapfrog one where the little kid corrects the waitress who writes “nite” on a menu board. “Hey, you spelt ‘night’ wrong. It’s n-i-g-h-t, not n-i-t-e. I’m in first grade but I read at a third grade level. What number are you reading at?”
Smug bastard.
I may have mentioned it somewhere before, but when I arrived in Japan a couple of years ago, they were showing those dammed AFLAC commercials. You know, the ones with the duck. In fact they were the same commercials that were on American TV, just (badly) dubbed into Japanese.
Now, the Japanese division of AFLAC is making its own commercials, complete with duck, and some singers saying the word “A-FURAKU” followed by an adult-woman-speaking-like-a-little-girl voice shouting, “Amerikanfuamiri!”
>deep breath< AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRHHHHHH!
The one that currently bugs me is an ad for some panty liner or tampon or bladder control medication or something, and honestly I’m not paying that much attention to care. The ad is nothing but a series of panty-clad female crotches and rears waving around in front of the camera while the product name pops up. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but I analyze the gist of it and come up with the thought that if it weren’t for said product each and every one of these crotches would be leaking secreted bodily fluids all over the place. It’s like a bucket of ice to the groin.
And what’s the background music in this epic? Someone singing scat. Tell me that was an accident.
So, is everyone here “gellin’”?
What about that commercial for some RX that helps with …I don’t know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome or Gas or something. But it is all women.
Skinny women.
Who are all skinny, not bloated, looking happy. Skinny women with the name of the product on a few of the trim looking tummies.
Well, Jesus on a pogo stick, sign me up for it if it makes me skinny and happy.
That’s a commercial that bothers me, too. I have IBS (which is indeed what the product is for) and I sure as hell don’t look like a skinny thang when I’m not feeling well. I look like I’m a few months pregnant! If the product is that good at reducing bloating, it’s a miracle drug.
Like a felon!
GACK!! I hate those commercials too!
That’s the main reason I despise those commercials!
This is also the reason I dislike laxative ads–this implication is: “I snooped in your cabinets, bummed your meds, and laid piles of cable this morning. In fact, you might want to call a plumber.”
And that one for stool softener–“It doesn’t make you go–it makes it more comfortable to go.” Grrrrross!