Another boatload of bloody illegal immigrants

Now the world should know by now that little old Australia has been shouldering an excessive burden from this War on Terrorism. Specifically an unwelcome influx of dozens, sometimes hundreds of people claiming to be fleeing political oppression and seeking asylum on our fair shores.

The current government has responded to this threat to our way of life and social security system via a policy of mandatory detention. Fully serviced hostel style accommodation has been provided in Woomera and Port Hedland. Any overflow are given free passage to such Pacific tropical paradises like Naru and,to a lesser extent, New Zealand.

The policy was working. They won an election on the back of it … also we hadn’t seen a boatload for months.

And then another leaky, unseaworthy rust laden ship of shame flounders into our territorial waters. On to the serenely beautiful, World Heritage listed shores of Lord Howe Island (population 350) we now find 200 drunken, uncouth slobs in silly hats from cultural centres like Billingsgate, Oldham and Millwall. The poor white trash of Europe who can’t even win the most basic sports games their culture invented … soccer, rugby, tennis, cricket.

What stings is the sheer effrontery of the timing of this. The driving force behind this policy is John Winston Howard, Australian Prime Minister and recently appointed Chairman of the International Democratic Union. Howard is conducting a grand European tour at this very moment. And what is the key issue that every tin-pot poll-driven little European leader trying to button hole him and learn the ropes on? Border protection.

Of course, there is more than a simple precedent for this, these people have been trying this stunt for 200 plus years and still can’t get the longitude right.

Heh, heh, heh … convicts revenge. Lock the buggers up behind the razor wire of Woomera and throw away the key.

(Is there anything an Aussie likes better than Pommie baiting? :p)

You do realise that half the board will miss the irony in your OP, don’t you woolly?

Couldn’t you have posted about something safer, such as our re-establishing our trade relationship with Libya?

*Originally posted by reprise *
**You do realise that half the board will miss the irony in your OP, don’t you woolly?:smiley:

Is Lord Howe still part of Australia? I thought it might have been one of the bits Little Johnny got rid of. Actually I’m waiting for the day when I hear on the news that Little J has excised all of Australia from Australia’s immigration zone, except his own residence, around which he will build a 20 ft white picket fence to keep out the last 50 years.

You are going to give them asylum, aren’t you? I mean, you guys wouldn’t make them go back to that awful island of theirs, would you?

Bloody whinging prison dodgers.

Best. Rant. Evah!


With a bit o’ luck, they might go on a hunger strike and sew their lips together. Whingeing Poms’d be a thing of the past.


Beautiful, Woolly.

I’m going to be smiling all day. :smiley:

:pins the “Bloody Legend” badge on woolly and plonks the “You Beauty” hat on his woolly head:

Nice one, mate.

Now for the big question - when are we going to put the Merkins and Poms who’ve overstayed their visas on a boat to somewhere else?

I suggest we round them all up and ship those who can’t play cricket, tennis, or football back to their country of origin - I can’t think of a fairer citizenship test than that. :slight_smile:

—Kevin Wilson

You know, you should really try to include a dictionary when you do this kinda thing. Us Merkins can only figure out just so much.

Damn you guys. You got a land about the same size as the US, with one-tenth of the population, yet you bitch about immigramts?? Unless you are an Aboriginie, stop calling the kettle black, you pot.

One down… :smiley:

capacitor has either been totally whooshed in this thread or made one of the wittiest responses to date…

And to think, part of the original words of our current national anthem read :

With all her faults, we love her still
Britannia rules the waves…

Bwahahahaha - not in our exclusion zone she doesn’t. :slight_smile:
Original lyrics.

I’m flarkin whooshed, ya see? I’m thinking that ya need ta explain!

Isn’t that POME for Poor Old Mother England ???

I’m sure you all know that Australia was claimed by Captain Cook in the name of the British Empire and that Mother England thought it an appropriate place to transport her criminals via boat.

When the Poms decided they were sick of the climate in England (or the politics, or the warm beer), many of them settled here on assisted migrant passages.

We just think it’s absolutely hilarious that we’re trying to keep “boat people” out of our waters and exclude asylum seekers by including more and more territory within our “border protection” laws (what the hell deal did the Kiwis make that they haven’t yet been excluded), and the first vessel in distress which gets caught by these absurd “exclusion zone” laws happens to be a British one.

By the time our current government has finished legislating “exclusion zones”, anything between the North and South Poles and anything to the west of Perth or the east of Sydney will be “excluded”.

In short, woolly was trying to point out the absolute absurdity of Australia’s “illegal immigrant” policy.

Australia was settled by people who were sent here precisely because of their illegal activity, and even after it stopped being a penal colony it became - and remains to this day - a nation built on the sweat and toil of those who had the sheer guts and determination to take a huge risk and “cross the seas” in pursuit of a better life for themselves and future generations.

It’s no more factually correct to refer to “Australia” as having been a penal colony than it is to refer to the USA as having been one (and yes, British convicts WERE transported to individual states of what we now know as the US prior to the union).

woolly’s just taking the piss out of the Poms because their boat is leaking and we won Wimbledon. :slight_smile:

Things could have been so much better for you poor Australians had Abel Tasman set foot on Australian soil, and claimed it for the Netherlands.

Nope, instead he just sailed on by, thinking that obviously the next island must be more interesting.

Think of it! You could have all been Dutch!

I’m glad Hewitt won Wimbledon yesterday, or the thaught of having missed out on the Dutch nationality by this much would probably be too much to bear. Poor souls.