My god, COVID really has changed everything! 
I agree with everything you said here. I think it is important in a healthy relationship that couples have some overlap in interests, but not complete overlap - there needs to be some differences. How boring would it be if every couple did every, single, thing, together.
Naw - that one time was at a bar b/c they were in WI for the weekend. Usually he just watches the game at home. He really wishes she would enjoy having a beer and watching the game, but she doesn’t like beer or sports.
And his beer consumption is not excessive. If an issue (and not much of one) it is b/c he has been trying to lose weight, and it is just extra calories.
You said she was much fitter than he. I wonder if that’s an issue for him? It is often more comfortable to drag others down to our level than watch them in spaces we know we should be but aren’t. Any way to see if he’d react the same to you two planning a coffee? Retirement can mean staring mortality in the face, it may not be comfortable and her fitness may rub it in a tad.
I think this hits the hammer on the nail.
I don’t think you need qualifying quotation marks for either of their uses.
Yes, he’s needy and yes, he is traditionally patriarchal and has an expectation that his needs have a greater weight than his wife’s.
The only question is if he is open to having his beliefs challenged. Can he handle the idea that he may not be acting fairly?
I had a similar conversation with a lady at the gym this morning - her husband is recently retired and seems to have lost himself a bit now that he doesn’t have a job. She still works, they have kids and grandkids so there’s no shortage of social interaction, but he doesn’t seem to be coping with the idea of being jobless.
She has suggested he comes to the gym with her ( not to do classes because she knows he wouldn’t like them) but just to get some exercise as he’s less fit than she is. She’s also having to manage his expectations around their lives now that he’s retired and she is still working, so that there isn’t a build up of resentment on either side.
Although the situations are not identical, I think it is still safe to say that a long and honest conversation needs to be had and there need to be boundaries set around those expectations. In your case, your sister should be free to make arrangements with you for something that you both enjoy doing, accepting that her husband doesn’t share that interest. Besides, it’s good for everyone to have a few outside interests that the partner doesn’t share.