Another one for Gilbert&Sullivan/JDT fans/foes

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

With my most abject and humblest apologies to G&S

HE’S NOT AN INTACT MAN

Oh his parents had the vision
To perform a circumcision
So he’s not an intact man
(He’s not an intact man)
Now he could have used a new toy
By the name of the Tug-A-Hoy
To cover up his glans
(To cover up his glans)
But though there’s nothing wrong with foreskin
He sees no need for more skin
So he’s not an intact man
(He’s not an intact man).

Oh, he himself has said it
And it’s greatly to his credit
That he’s not an intact man
(He’s not an intact man)

And although a surgeon docked him
His partners never mocked him
'Though he’s not an intact man
(He’s not an intact man)
And to rub his penile dorsum
'Gainst his partner-it just bores them
And to him that’s not the plan
(To him it’s not the plan)
Yes he prefers his partners moaning
In the middle of the boning
And he’s not an intact man
(He’s not an intact man)

Oh, he himself has said it
And it’s greatly to his credit
That he’s not an intact man
(He’s not an intact man)

And he thinks that it’s much cleaner
To maintain an unclad weiner
So he’s not an intact man
(He’s not an intact man)
Though he’s heard tell of a piss-wash
He doesn’t fancy this wash
Oh, of this he’s not a fan
(Of this he’s not a fan)
So in spite of all temptation
To “improve” his fornication
He’ll not be an intact man
(He’ll not be an i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-in-tact man)

2

That’s one of the funniest things I ever read on the SDMB! I love good parodies, wish I could think them up myself!

3

Psychobunny, I think I love you.

4

I will never listen to HMS Pinafore in the same way again.

5

At this rate, we’ll have **Straight Dope; the Opera!*.

We’ve plenty of liberettists, now all we need is music and costumes, casting and theater!

This’ll be REALLY Off-Broadway!

6

JDT:

I am the very model of an intact penis general
I’ve information vegetable, animal and mineral
I know the magical foreskin and I quote the facts hysterical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order catagorical
I’m very well aquainted,too with matters sexual,
I understand the foreskin both male and clitorical
About clitorial rubbing I’m teeming with a lot of news,
With many cheerful facts about the conspiracy and the ruse

ALL:

With many cheerful facts about the conspiracy and the ruse.
With many cheerful facts about the conspiracy and the ruse.
With many cheerful facts about the conspiracy and the ruse.

JDT:

I’m very good at nipple inversion and powersuck
I know the scientific way to really fuck
In short, in matters vegetable animal or mineral,
I am the very model of an intact penis general.

ALL:

In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral
He is the very model of an intact penis general.

JDT:

I know my forskin history, King Arthurs’ and Sir Caradoc’s
I become hard instantly, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox,
If a woman remains silent, it means the sex really rocks
in techniques I spout peculiaries parabolous

Then I can write a sonnet with my penis-ship
on her clitoris, it’s really hip
To her vagina, there’s no need to touch a lip
yes rubbing rippley ridges can be quite a trip

In short in matters animal, vegetable or mineral
I am the very model of an intact penis General

ALL:

In short in matters animal, vegetable or mineral
He is the very model of an intact penis general.

7

:: clap clap clap!!::
Bravo!

8

To the tune of Poor wandering one
(in the manner of JDT)

Manly-Belle:

Poor shortened one
thy foreskin hath surely strayed
Take heart of grace
thy steps retraced
Poor shortened one

Poor mutilated one
if such poor tug ahoy device as mine
can help thee find
true piece of mind
Take it, it is thine

Chorus: (of intact brothers)

Take any foreskin but mine
Take any foreskin but mine

Manly-Belle:

Take it hard, hard, hard hard hard hard
Take it hard, hard, hard hard hard hard

Take any foreskin restoring device, take mine

9

After seeing this thread, I decided I had to give it a try. Unfortunately Musicals Aren’t my area, So with appologies to Kenny Roger’s, ‘the Gambler’

In smelly Denver bathroom,
At a pee-trough made for many,
I met with Jack Dean Tyler ,
We were both takin’ a good piss.
So we both were a-starin
at the Papers on the brick wall,
when anger overtook him,
and he began to hiss,

He said “Son I’ve made a life
Studying Genitalia,
Knowing the right way
for a penis to be.
So if you don’t mind me sayin’
I can see you got no foreskin,
Take this tug-ahoy and,
I’ll give you some advice”

So I showed him my Johnson,
and he studied it carefully.
Then he grabbed it with his fingers,
and felt for the scars.
And The john got deathly quiet,
And his face lost all expression.
He said If your gonna be a man, boy,
Your gonna have to bring it back.

You gotta know how to hold it,
You gotta know how to fold it,
Know when to piss-wash,
Know when to scrub.
Don’t even try to please a woman,
without your foreskin,
There’ll be time enough for screwin’
when its restored.

Now every lover knows,
That the secret to pleasurin’
Is knowin’ how to use the foreskin,
knowin’ how to dock.
You gotta powersuck that nipple,
and master that foreskin,
Or she’ll never reach Orgasm,
Before she falls asleep.

And when he finished speaking,
He pulled out his own penis,
showed me that mighty foreskin,
that left me in disgrace.
I marveled at its glory,
then he put it away,
but left there on the floor,
was a piece that I could keep.

You gotta know how to hold it,
You gotta know how to fold it,
Know when to piss-wash,
Know when to scrub.
Don’t even try to please a woman,
without your foreskin,
There’ll be time enough for screwin’
when its restored.

You gotta know how to hold it,
You gotta know how to fold it,
Know when to piss-wash,
Know when to scrub.
Don’t even try to please a woman,
without your foreskin,
There’ll be time enough for screwin’
when its restored.

10

I sent an email to psychobunny last night praising “He’s Not An Intact Man” and shared with her a oneact musical I saw in 1975 called “HMS Trekstar” You know, with lines like
“We boldly go where men, have never gone before us…” It was performed in Monterey California and was absolutely hysterical. This may be a VERY long shot, but is there anyone else out there that ever saw or heard this thing?

And while we are on the subject of G&S, does a parody HAVE to be sexually related to be included here? And dioes anyone out there know Tom Lehrers version of Modern Major General, where he sings the entire table of elements to the tune?

11

HMS TREKSTAR?!?!

And here I thought I was the first person to think of that! My dream was of putting the cast of ST Next Generation into a bastardized version of “Pinafore”. I mean, Picard as Corcoran, Riker as Rackstraw, Dr Crusher as Buttercup, Deanna as Josephine, Data as Sir Joseph, Guinian as Cousin Hebe, Geordie as the Bosun and who else but Worf as Dick Deadeye? Admit it, wouldn’t that be a perfect cast to have some fun with?

12

As the bunny may already have informed you, there have been a number of previous G&S parodies on this board, on a variety of subjects.

Here is one about administering the message boards.

Here is a nice Pit rant.

And this thread is a fine collection of G&S parodies relating to Great Debate topics.

So please feel free to show us what you can do.

And may I just say, excellent job bunny!!! (You too, wolfman and The Mermaid.)

13

Also, you can find Tom Lehrer’s “Elements” here.

14

Baker this * is* the SDMB> It is imperative that parodies be sexually related. Otherwise, what’s the use.

15

Mermaid, I guess I see your point, but was just wondering. I’ve checked out some of the links since I last posted here and I haven’t laughed so much in a long time.

Caircair, I’d thing bastardizing ST-TNG would be GREAT! Your casting ideas were dead on. If I had talent of this sort I would help but I’m a better audience than composer.