Well. I think this passes for more then a shitty week. Forgive me if I ramble.
It all starts mid last week. I have high blood pressure, have for 4 or 5 year I guess. I ran out of medication so I went to the doctor for a refill. He decided to do some blood tests to make sure it wasn’t hurting my kidneys and such. Fine. Stuck me 5 times then ended up using the back of my hand, not a big deal I was laughing about it. Go home. Go to work. Forget about it.
Saturday morning I was just about to go out the door for work when the Dr’s office calls, it’s a female doctor I don’t know. “Has Dr. Trevor talked to you about your blood tests?” I replied “NO.” Now the next words out of her mouth were ones that I really was hoping I wouldn’t hear pretty much all through my 20’s. “Do you drink a lot of alcohol?”
Ahhh shit. “Some” I lied. “Well it looks like you drink A LOT of alcohol.” Me, “Yeah”. “How much do you drink?” “Oh, 8 to 10 a night” fairly good estimate, but more like 12. “Yeah, that would do it”. “I am showing from your blood tests that you have the beginnings of liver damage”.
Oh, Shit. Did she just say liver damage? My God, I’m only 28!!
She continues, “You also have a build up of uric acid, which is likely to cause Gout. Thats also common with excessive alcohol consumption. Now that will go away if you quit drinking, your high blood pressure will also go down and your liver will heal at this point also.”
Oh thank God. Thank God. Thats it. I am fucking dry. Thats enough to scare the shit out of me and bring me back to reality.
I guess daily consumption started light in my early 20’s and steadily grew heavier. I would drink only in the evenings. Usually after 7pm and I’d hit bed around 10 or 11 average, 3 to 4 hours of binge drinking a night. For a few years it was 6 - 12 beers a night. For the past few years Its been a half pint of Baccardi 151 with diet coke and anywhere from 2 - 4 beers depending on how early I had to get up. The norm was 2, 4 on the weekends. I always got up in the morning on time, I never missed work, rairly had hangovers and it never effected my life personally until now. Liver Damage. 28 years old. Fuck.
So saturday I quit alcohol and you know what? I wasn’t scared to. It felt liberating and exciting, kind of like taking my life back.
As a side note. Saturday at work I got on the internet and found a Methodist church close to my home and went on sunday. It was good. I had been feeling the need for church lately. I never went to church a day in my life until my early 20’s when I decided to go on my own, then when I left Missouri almost 4 years ago I never bothered to find another. (Atheists can stop reading now if you want, just a warning) About 3 weeks ago I guess, I asked God to help me quit, because I knew I was drinking too much. A week ago I find out I’ve damaged my liver from it. Nothing like a little liver damage for a sign from God huh?
(OK you can start reading now again)
I’ve found this week I don’t physicly crave the alcohol, but I knew that from week or so stretches without. I don’t have any withdrawl or anything. It’s more like “Well what the hell am I going to do in the evenings now?” Its a pretty strong behavioral habit for me. But I’ve been dying to start some hobbies again and I’m really looking forward to that. I can feel my attention is sharper and my mind is a little clearer also.
The rest of what sucks? My car has crankshaft and camshaft seal leaks and the engine block burns the leaked oil when the car is running and emmits clouds of smoke from under the hood which gathers much attention and chokes and embarrass’s me. According to the mechanic that will cost $600 to fix that I don’t have. Smoke on.
I locked my keys in my car on wednesday at work along with my cell phone.
My ex-girlfriend/roommate has a date tonight. The first date since we broke up. Doesn’t effect me much but it was visibly awkward for both of us. And damnit, I was hoping I would be the first one to date. Yeah right.
In general, life sucks right about now, but I’ll be in church on sunday praying it gets better. Never know, maybe God will decide its MY turn for once. It could happen.
Take care !