Since I’m still a virgin, I’ve turned it down every time it was offered.
None of these were actual girlfriends, but just horny women who either liked my looks or figured one guy is the same as another. Many things can shut down my sex drive, including simple ugliness, foul odor, and the suspicion of STD’s, as well as simply not being in the mood.
Two friends have offered… one was one of those girls who loses so much weight she starts to look scary, that wouldn’t have worked… the other just picked a bad time, as I had a major portion of my thermodynamics grade due the next morning.
I was guilty of that double standard. I had never thought about being turned down, since guys I had been in a relationship with, had been the aggressors. I took it for granted, that them wanting sex on a regular basis (usually, as often as possible), was understood. Cut to my current relationship. Our sex drives are quite different, and I am also the aggressor in almost every instance. I also get turned down on a fairly regular basis. Nothing like having the roles reversed to stop subscribing to a double standard.
Yep. At least two or three dozen times. Sometimes I just wanted to sleep. Sometimes I had too much on my mind. Sometimes there was stress in the relationship which made me lose the drive or interest. Sometimes it was just the “winter lulls.” Usually, when I didn’t want it, it boiled down to either honestly being too tired (it does happen – at least to some of us), or some stressor, whether from within the relationship or without.
AHH, All is good today - and yesterday. I got to make good on my promises of sex to another doper ( hubby ) for paying my subscription fee.
He said he was just tired, almost asleep and didn’t realize what he was saying. FTR, he did say if I would have coninuted with the oral stimulation, he would have been ok with waking up.
My hubby turns me down about 10-20% of the time, but usually in a gentle way. Sometimes, when we’re in one of those long-lazy-Sunday-morning-in-bed-talks, I’ll start to fondle him and he’ll gently push away my hand, saying he wants to concentrate on the talk.
Oral sex he rarely refuses, but he sometimes will fall asleep in the middle, or just react so absentmindedly I stop after 10 minutes or so anyway.
I turn him down with about the same frequency. It’s no big deal on both sides.
I used to mind when I was younger, though. I thought sex was the one way to have power over these strange creatures called “men”, and if I didn’t have that power, there would be no telling what they would do.
I turned down my last girlfriend repeatedly. In fact, I never did have sex with her. And she was literally begging me for it. Constantly. But then, she was always practically begging me to beat her up, too. And I don’t mean in an S&M, Dominant/submissive kind of way. She would intentionally goad me and do everything she could to make me angry enough to hit her (I never did). The girl was seriously disturbed, a fact that I didn’t realize until a couple months into our relationship. She suffered from Bipolar Disorder as well as Borderline Personality Disorder, and she wouldn’t take her meds. On top of that, she was severely physically abused by her mother when she was a child, and she had been raped only a few months before I met her.
I loved her, but I decided that sleeping with her would be a really bad idea.
I’m a male, and yes, I’ve turned it down twice in my life…which averages to once every quarter century…once I was just too tired, and the other time I actually wasn’t in the “mood”…like mood normally has anything to do with it for me.
The first time, I was absolutely amazed at myself…“I turned down sex???” Made me feel kinda proud of myself in a weird way…like I actually had some control over myself for once…
But I was kind in my refusal, and my wife was understanding. But a tiny (evil) part of me felt that at least she now understood how I felt. I’m not proud of that, but that’s how it was.
And in spite of all that, we have learned to judge somehow, and read the other person better, so asking and refusals are very uncommon. I have to admit that I can be seduced very easily, though. Weak willed, as it were!
