Your male lover is too tired.

For sex of course.

Poll coming

Obligatory Buffy quote:

Willow: “What does it mean when a girl wants to… you know.”
Xander: “If you’re doing it, I think you should be able to say it.”
Willow: “Make love.”
Xander: “Wild monkey love, or tender Sarah McLachlan love?”
Willow: “Any kind. But what if the girl wants to and the guy doesn’t? That’s a bad sign, right?”
Xander: “Could be. Or the girl caught the guy in one of the 7 annual minutes he’s legitimately too preoccupied to do it.”

Relieved, and not a little surprised that I have a male lover.

Four times. The spirit may be willing, but the flesh is spongy and weak.

I voted for worried after four turn-downs in a month, but I think it would depend on the situation. If I knew he was having trouble at work or wasn’t feeling well or whatever, I might let it slide for awhile. But I would definitely have a talk if things didn’t pick up, so to speak.

It depends on whether that’s two or three or four times in a row, or whether it’s two or three or four times that he said no but in between, he said yes a bunch of times. We don’t have the opportunity every day, and I only have one lover right now, so it would really bother me if it was more than twice in a row. But I don’t think it would worry me.

Hey, if the pole’s coming, he’s clearly not too tired after all.

Is this too tired to initiate it, or too tired to respond when I try to start things, or just doesn’t want to be bothered? It makes a difference.

I agree with this (and I did vote for four turn-downs). I also agree that it depends whether it’s in a row or spread out.

This happened last Thursday at about 11:57pm and went like this:

ME: [attempts to initiate nookie]
HUSBAND: I’m sorry, I’m really tired - I hope that’s OK.
ME: Of course it is! We can do it this weekend. [settle down into sleeping positions] Er, just checking, is everything all right? We haven’t done it in a few days and I just wanted to make sure…
HUSBAND: Oh, yes! Everything is fine. Don’t worry, your vagina is still very appealing to me. It’s just, you know, we’ve been out until 11:30 or later every night this week, and I get tired.
ME: Yeah. Probably because you’re approaching middle age.
HUSBAND: Thanks.

No big deal at all. Everybody gets tired, especially since sex is something that people usually do at bedtime, at least on weekdays.

Even when I’ve been “too tired”, I just tell my wife “OK, but you’re doing all the work”. It’s an in-joke of ours, but it does allow me to lie there on my back and have her use my body for whatever she needs from it.

I’m trying to think if this has ever happened. I can’t remember a time, but I guess maybe I’m forgetting something.

I would think it was odd and wonder what was going on the first time it happened, but I wouldn’t call it a game changer, so I voted the 2 times a month thing, at which point I’d be wondering if he was depressed, or what.

No, it’s an emergency! *All *healthy males are ready and willing for sex all the time - it’s true! That is, true in the same way that it’s true that women don’t really like sex at all and can only be convinced to take part in it by thinking of England. Is that what you’re expecting to hear?

Maybe I should change my user name to Captain Obvious, but if you had specified female instead of of male lover, no one have been worried, because, doh, females aren’t supposed to want sex, while men are supposed to be rabid horndogs. I doubt any of this business has much to do with the actual average biological sex drive of either gender, especially taking individual variation into account.

Anyway, some anecdotal evidence for you: one question here is how much you’ve been doing it lately. Personally, after sex two or three days in a row, I’m no longer able and probably just wants to watch TV and go to sleep, and this state will then persist for a while. Call me again, oh, maybe some time next week. Heck, maybe even the week after that. If I worked in porn, I’d get fired for sleeping on the job too much.

My current lover teaches Kung Fu and works out several hours a day, six days a week (sometimes seven). If he was so tired and worn out that he didn’t have enough stamina to break off a piece for me, I’d be worried that he’s sick or something was terribly wrong.

My boyfriend and I both work in high-stress offices, with a lot of unplanned overtime or weekend work. He also suffers from cluster migraines and has a lot of prescriptions to keep those under control. Generally speaking I get turned down at least once a week, but sometimes I’m the one who’s too tired, and we always make up for it later.

Sometimes all it means is “I’m busy and stressed and not really up to it, but here’s your raincheck for tomorrow night.”

It helps that I know exactly how much he works and see the phone calls he often gets in the evening or on weekends. I know it’s not me, it’s the job and his health.

Guy here. There are a lot of times I think I’m too tired or not in the mood, but if I just give it a chance I rise…no I won’t say it. You know. But it helps that my GF is proactive about getting things started.

Seeing as I have not been turned down by my husband to this point, I would be concerned.

Even when we are both ubertired if we are horny, we find the laziest way possible to get the job done.

(Not that it’s work or anything.)

This. I am working 60+ hour weeks right now, she is working 70+ (doctor), and our schedules don’t always match up. Sometimes she’s the exhausted one, sometimes I am, but a lot of the time, when we’re home and in bed, we just want to sleep. We always make sure to make up for it on the weekends if we have a rough week, though.

Yeah, is he actually turning me down, or is he falling asleep on the couch an hour before I’d planned to be gettin’ some? The first would make me unhappy, the latter just sorta makes me giggle.

I read the thread title and thought to myself, “well then, I guess I’ll just have to go home to my wife.”

I only fit the criterion laid out in the OP for about 3 hour, sooooo… cough

With that said, I put “more than two times in a month.” Obviously these are separate occurrences, as damn even Superman probably needed a twenty-minute break here and there.

I’m in my mid-20’s and my GF is in her mid-30’s. Her sex drive actually outpaces mine :eek: As in, she wants it every day always, sometimes more than two times. The thing is though, no matter how tired one is, there are lazy workarounds. Different positions, different bodyparts, different methods of foreplay… shit I find cooking dinner gets her halfway there already.

Long story short, being declined for sex sucks. While sometimes it’s unavoidable, relationships aren’t always a bed of roses, and sometimes even sex seems like work (at first). Man up and do it.

Note to self: check on bold words when older, stressed, and in poor health. Then, check ego.