Ladies: Hot or not hot when turned down for sex?

So let’s just say you’re at the end of your third date (or whatever date) you and “Mr. Wonderful” are stranding on your front porch saying your goodbyes when a spontaneous make out session starts.

After a few minutes of getting hot and bothered, you rear back and say to this man: “Would you like to come in?” He squeezes you hand firmly and says to you: “I would, but I want to give us something to look forward to. I’m going to go now. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Now, what’s going through your head?

(Based on nothing more than my own very personal experiences…)

“I might have read this person all wrong. This person might be into head games. Proceed with caution, either way.”

Who wouldn’t be confused?

Needs an explanation (a) out of courtesy and (b) cos it’s a little unusual by modern day norms.

It’d be a tad embarrassing, but I’d probably think, “Oh, ok.” I can’t imagine why that’d be hot - is the idea that I’d admire him for his integrity?

I might - a little - but I’d probably take it at face value. Keep in mind, that’s the older me speaking. The younger me would’ve been horrifically embarrassed and probably would’ve wanted to hide under a rock, whether or not the guy said he wanted to explore our relationship more. Then again, neither the older me nor the younger me would’ve invited the guy inside to begin with.

Okay, I guess I should explain my poll a bit.

The other day I’m watching TV. I have no idea what I’m watching, but it’s an attractive couple making out. From out of nowhere, the dude just stops and says: “You know what? I think I’ll be a gentleman and stop right here. This will give us something to look forward to in the future.”

So the dude stops and leaves her apartment. As soon as he’s out the door, the lady starts to fan herself off. The take away that I got from it, is now that he’s rejected her, he’s even THAT much hotter.

Myself, I found the whole scene amusing. Which inspired me to start this thread.

Wasn’t there a Seinfeld episode like this? A young woman asks George if he wants to come up for coffee but he turns her down because he thinks she means coffee.

I’m not a lady but I don’t think this would go over well if the guy just turned down the offer with no explanation other than “We’ll have sex another night.” In that case the implication would seem to me to be that the guy is now assuming he will receive the same offer in the future and is trying to establish that he’s in control. Or that he’s saying he’s not as sure about the relationship as the woman is. Either way, I’d see it as a turn off for the woman.

The only way I could see something like this working is if the man could offer some good reason about how he was definitely interested but tonight was not possible. Something like, “Yes, I’d love to stay and take our relationship to a new and more intimate level. But goshdarnit, this is the night I volunteer down at the orphanage and I couldn’t bear to disappoint all those little children by not showing up.”

Huh, that’s interesting. I’d still feel the same way as above - though if we were in the middle of something and neither of us had even suggested sex, I would be confused about him just popping up and leaving. I think that would leave me a little cold.

I do think it depends on the maturity of the woman, though. Like I said (and this is just me - others’ mileage may vary), if I were younger, I would’ve been horrified. Now that I’m older, assuming I were single, I’d probably shrug, assume we weren’t equally interested and feel slightly silly, but that’s about it. I can’t see a problem with someone just not wanting to jump into things too fast - making out doesn’t mean sex is required - but popping up, saying, “I’ll be a gentleman - bye!!!” would tell me he’s freaked out for some reason or just not interested.

I think one factor at work is that men are believed to always be interested in sex. And so if a man turns down a woman, he has a lot of self-control.

He could have used better wording, though. By saying, “I’ll be a gentleman,” he was implying her behavior wasn’t ladylike, IMHO.

I get the impression that the point is that this guy *is *equally interested, though, but still stops anyway.

I did that once. But I had to. Matlock was coming on in 20 minutes.

I’m now old enough that my first assumption would be that he didn’t have any Viagra on him and he didn’t feel ready for the “I have ED” talk. :smack:

If he fessed up, I’d invite him in for more cuddling and whatever, without any expectation of intercourse. And if he wasn’t down for it, I’d be disappointed, but if the spark was that strong to begin with, I’d give him another opportunity to come prepared.

Guy here, but I just wanted to say that the “give us something to look forward to” phrasing is what seems so odd to me. Why would the sex be better later? How is it that the anticipation of sex is somehow so wonderful?

So to me it says he’s either manipulative or dishonest.

There are plenty of valid reasons he might need to get home, or might not be in the mood or whatever. Kids or dogs might need him home. He might be feeling sick (whether we’re talking ED or food poisoning). Maybe he just wants more emotional connection before the physical. Heck, maybe the girl has terrible breath, but there are still better excuses that actually make sense.


Who are they stranding on her front porch?

There’s the problem. She and Mr. Wonderful have just gone inside and shut the door, leaving someone stranded on her front porch. Once inside, things turn hot, but then Mr. Wonderful remembers the unnamed third party stuck by him/herself out on the porch, and thinks, “oops, we forgot about Soandso.” :wink:

I think you mean, “be prepared enough to come.” :smiley:

I think she was hot from making out, not from the rejection.

Whoa Whoa Whao. Back the double standard train up Batman.

Exchange the man and woman in the scenario. All of the sudden is the woman manipulative? Something wrong with her? I mean the guy is ready to get it on. What’s her problem? Give it up already lady.

Don’t get me wrong Mandrake. I like women. But I’ll deny them my purity of essence until I damn well feel like giving it up.

Pun intended. :wink:

If it had been me, anything more than a minute or two would have been no problem.