Imagine someone you like likes you back. They like you back unambiguously, you even have sex and make out a few times. Then, on a day you made plans to hang out, their behavior changes drastically. They start treating you at group social events no differently than they would treat anyone else. When you finally confront them, they say “I do like you, but things are cooling off a bit. But you’re still cool”. When you press them farther, they say “Just take things easy”.
How would you interpret that? This has happened in my group of friends recently and we all have different interpretations of what that means.
Seconded. I don’t think it could be any clearer. He was having some physical fun, but is not into her as serious material. However, he wants to keep the door open for more sex if he needs it, so that’s why he said what he did. Your friend needs to stay away unless she just wants to be a fuck buddy.
Well, I don’t know, their feelings might just be changing - they aren’t necessarily being mercenary about it. But it’s not a good sign for budding romance, that seems fairly clear.
I’m intrigued. What were the other interpretations? (And how old and what gender were the interpreters?) I could hardly think of any way to make it clearer: He’s just not that into you, indeed.
It means there was sex too soon so the enticement and interest is lost.
He/She hasn’t had the intellectual/emotional connection and the sex is mediocre so no reason to continue. You can still like a person, but not want to pursue something that is not going to develop into anything.
Friend 1, Male, Mid30’s- “He’s an idiot.”
Friend 2, Female, mid30’s- “He can’t handle her being smarter than him.”
Friend 3, Female, Late 20’s- “He’s protecting his feelings”
Friend 4, Male, Early 30’s- “He’s upset with something she did.”
Friend 5, Male, Mid20’s- “He’s testing to see if she can be independent or if she’s clingy”
Friend 6, Female, Late20’s- “He’s immature and obviously deficient in some way, as he has never had a meaningful relationship and is in his 30’s.”
My interpretation is that she needs to move on, as he’s an asshole who wanted sex, got it, and now doesn’t care how he manipulated her to get it and what affect that has on her. Men who behave so dishonorably don’t deserve someone wasting one second of precious time, much less pining. I personally require some level of integrity and empathy from a person before I can call them someone I care about.
Most of your friends are more generous than I am. Sure, the guy could be cooling things off for some valid reason, but the timing sounds pretty suspicious.
It means - “I do like (sex with) you, but things (except for sex) are cooling off a bit. But you’re still cool (if we have sex and no mushy relationship talk)”. When you press them farther, they say “Just take things (strings free sex) easy”.
I don’t know that it’s necessary to attribute bad intentions to the guy. It may be as simple as him realizing they aren’t compatible for anything long term. I mean, he may be an asshole. You know the guy, not me. But sometimes relationships just fizzle out when the people get to know each other better.
Everyone in the group seems to be on the same page (it’s over) - they just seem to be divided about why it’s over.
Yeah, I agree that all of the friends seem to be also saying, “he’s just not that into you” (except for the one who thinks it’s a test) and are just debating why.
Maybe the sex sucked. Or maybe another of many possibilities changed his mind. But bailing after a first fuck does lean towards a not great experience. It doesn’t mean that the guy’s objective was a fuck and run.
Or, maybe he had every good intention in the world, until the sex sucked.
I’m obviously throwing out a hypothetical, but so are you. You have no reason to call the guy dishonerable, because you don’t know a goddamned thing about the situation. Frankly, it’s none of your business anyway.
**Friend 1, Male, Mid30’s- “He’s an idiot.” **
Maybe, but it’s still pretty clear that he’s an idiot who isn’t interested anymore
Friend 2, Female, mid30’s- "He can’t handle her being smarter than him."
Riiiiight. And my ex-girlfriend was too intimidated by my good looks.
Friend 3, Female, Late 20’s- "He’s protecting his feelings"
:rolleyes: Stop me if you’ve heard this before: he’s in love and it scares him because he feels vulnerable and is afraid of getting his heart broken. So really, he loves her, but has to run away because he can’t handle it.
Friend 4, Male, Early 30’s- "He’s upset with something she did."
This one at least is possible. Although all she “did” may be to shift expectations so that they feel too “relationshippy” for him, when he is more into casual.
Friend 5, Male, Mid20’s- "He’s testing to see if she can be independent or if she’s clingy"
This came from a guy? Most of us are too dim to come up with a “testing strategy”. We usually enjoy the hot and heavy until we realize “Holy crap! She’s clingy!”
Friend 6, Female, Late20’s- "He’s immature and obviously deficient in some way, as he has never had a meaningful relationship and is in his 30’s."
Yup. He could just be a hosebag who treats women like crap.
You say your group has various takes on the situation, but mostly they say the person is a jerk. Could it possibly be that the others you talk to are trying to protect you by being negative toward the person? Could there be something about you that the person just discovered? Maybe you were just moving too fast for something that was intended (by him) to be casual and nothing more.