About a month ago I met a man - Tall, Handsome, Intelligent, Suave, Gregarious, Unassuming, YeseverythingI’mlookingfor (THISGUY, for short) - at a shindig hosted by some mutual friends, a married couple - Mr. and Mrs. No immediate sparks, but the next day Mrs., who’s also a coworker, mentioned that THISGUY had asked about me, expressed interest, after I left. A few days later after another socialization event he asked me to go to dinner later that week, and I accepted. A few days of textual flirting, getting-to-know-you and such follow, and then a fantastic first date, followed by a week of hot-and-heavy whirlwind romance. I was head-over-heels, and by all accounts THISGUY was, too.
Story continues under the cut:
[spoiler]Which is when things screeched to a halt. He said things were moving too quickly, could we slow down? I said ‘of course’ and followed with clinginess. He responded with a lack of communication. I became more confused, frustrated, and after three or four days without talking much at all he made it clear that this wasn’t working. I said, “Fine. Fuck it” and went on my merry way. I was very disappointed, and upset that things had gone so bad so quickly, but tried to move past it. (It was during this time that I learned that four years ago THISGUY had been royally fucked over by a woman he thought he’d marry, and that I was the first person he’d been seriously interested in since. Mr. and Mrs., who are good friends of his, made it clear that they thought THISGUY was freaked out and scared, and that his history had contributed to the blow-up.)
Fast forward to this week. I awoke to a message from Mrs., which said that she and Mr. had been close-to-accosted at the bar the night before by THISGUY, who went ON and ON about how he was very interested in me, but felt he’d fucked up royally…etc. In short, exactly what I wanted to hear. After some conversation with Mr., where I bounced my frustration and disappointments off him, I gave THISGUY a call.
Now, disclaimer: When I called this man I knew that he’d 1. just gotten home from the hospital (he had had a cyst removed) 2. was tired and half-drugged 3. already told Mrs. that he wasn’t feeling up to calling me, but might the next day. I also had Mr. and Mrs.'s opinions that he was chickening out because things had ended so badly before.
The conversation went fairly well. I ranted some about my frustration and disappointment, but made it clear that I was still interested in him. THISGUY apologized for the way things had gone, but clearly stated that he is not ready for a relationship, even though he thinks I’m ‘amazing’ and ‘can’t’ just tell me to bugger off, though that’d be easier. Anyway, I asked what he wanted, and it turns out it’s “space”. No communication at all. No small talk, no texting, no anything.
It’s been two days, and I find this very hard. Obviously he’s on my mind, and now that I know I have a second chance at what seemed like a great man, I have trouble moving on. I know I’m going to wait on him for at least the time being, because I understand that he’s making an effort to get his life and emotions sorted out – but I also know I’m going to go crazy if I keep dwelling on the maybes, or waiting for the phone to ring. I’m also going to drive all of my friends crazy, as they’ve gotten more than tired of this stupid situation. Every bit of advice I’ve gotten is to “Move on. He’ll call when he’s ready,” but I’m not sure how to distract myself when I know he’s just across town.
Also: I’m at uni, and it’s the very end of the semester (finals next week) so everyone’s rather stressed and there’s not much going on. I have a ton to do, but not much of it is really engaging, so I find my mind always wandering back to this.
Sorry about the length. Any advice or insight is appreciated. [/spoiler]