I know this will come as no shock to anyone, but the concept of “customer service” is not one that todays employees seem to be aware of. The “customer is NEVER right” anymore. For example: why the hell are convience store clerks allowed to talk on the phone for hours at a time? I know its not the greatest job in the world to be stuck behind a counter for 8 hours a day. You’re selling 40s and cheap smokes to smelly alcoholics and idiots who buy lottery tickets with 200 pennies I feel for you, truly I do. But this is the job you took. Allow me to reiterate that word: JOB. It means you are getting PAID to ring up my items and accept my form of payment. . . all of this requires a certain level of communication. I need you to acknowledge my existence…maybe even (gasp) listen to what I’m saying and nod in understanding.
When I paid for $10 in gas and you didn’t punch it into the computer, the pump did not stop at $10.00. Oh no. Instead it goes over by twenty cents because I (in my eternal optimism) assumed you had actually done your job. So now I have to come back into the store and give you two more dimes in thanks for your idiocy. Sure, you could have done your job, but you were too busy chatting away with your girlfriend about your ex’s babies mamas syphilis.
This particular disease (cellphoneitis not syphilis) is not limited to just one store. For it was another night and another location and another bored rude clerk who gave me incorrect change back on my purchase. I paid with a twenty. She gave me change for a ten. Then she turned her back on me and walked away. All the time droning on and on into the cell phone seemingly super-glued to her vacuous head. “Hey!” I exclaimed, arms waving, leaping up and down trying to get her attention. Unfortunately for me her priorities appear to be in this order: #1 - not let any pesky customers deter her from her riveting conversation on the latest stunning plot turn on “All My Young and Restless Children are in the General Hospital”. #2 - Smoke her cigarette and chomp on her gum at the same time (an amazing feat for someone with such obvious low mental acuity). #3- stare numbly at some spot on the ceiling. When finally after doing everything (short of firing a flare gun) to get her to return to the counter she decides to pretend to do her job again. She glares suspiciously at me as I explain her monetary mistake. “Are you SURE you gave me a twenty??” she inquires.Why yes my lady of the cell phone snub, I am sure…and you would be too if you were doing your freaking JOB. After getting the ten dollars that was owed to me five minutes earlier I smile and politely say “thanks and have a good day!” For this insult I get back a snort, an eye roll and her back turned on me again. Such a ray of sunshine! Such a classic case of perfect customer service! Such a witch with a capital “B”!
So please all those clerks out there who may be reading this - I implore you. Get yourselves a notebook. In it write down the five hours a day you need to ramble on and on pointlessly with your trailer trash significant others. Please try to plan these epic chat sessions in some hours when you are NOT supposed to be working. Trust me, it will help all of us go a little longer before we snap and seek a rifle and a high tower. Specifically a high tower with a great view of your cell phone.