Another wedding thread - now with a sad twist

In My Humble Opinion
21

[QUOTE=CairoCarol]
That’s a lovely attitude, and one that everyone around the couple may as well take.

The nasty, cynical part of my soul does wonder about the mental health of someone who gets deeply emotionally involved with someone who, AT THE TIME THEY MEET, is already diagnosed with terminal illness. Maybe I’m not romantic enough, but … back in my dating days, certain people I regarded as simply “off limits” from a romantic perspective. Lucky for me I didn’t know anyone terminally ill, but something as simple as “best friends with a recent boyfriend” would cause me to understand that a romantic relationship with someone was a lousy idea. Likewise, I suspect that if I had met someone terminally ill, I would have understood from Day One that I could respect/admire/adore/become as intellectually and emotionally intertwined as the situation permitted, but planning a long life together would have to wait until there were appropriate health signals, such as a remission or better yet being declared “cancer free.”

It is a cruel thing to say, no getting around it, but some people do get off on the “martyr” role: “oh, poor dear, isn’t she a saint … she loves him so much, and he’s going to die … she is so kind, poor thing …” Where self-esteem is lacking, this is precisely the kind of role that can fulfill certain people. (I had an aunt like that, so I know what I’m talking about.)

I have no idea if this applies to the woman in question, and if I could stop with Siege’s kind thoughts, I’m sure I’d be a more worthy individual.
[/QUOTE]

I agree, and we were all a bit confused when the relationship started. He was already very sick when they met, though not sure if ‘terminal’ was diagnosed at the time, it seemed pretty obvious he wasn’t going to sudden get better, as he jsut kept getting diagnosed with more and more spreading of the cancer.

Maybe it sounds bad, but I don’t think I would ever get seriously involved in a romantic relationship with somone in that situation, either. Though who knows what would really happen if you fell in love - impossible to say without being in the situation.

22

[QUOTE=Gary T]
If she truly wants to get married to him and bear his children, she might want to consider getting a civil marriage very soon, and getting some of his sperm stored for future use.
[/QUOTE]

He may have already banked some because of the sterilizing effects of cancer treatment. She would need to establish her right to that sperm if he is now sterile.

23

Since I hate dropped threads with no resolution -
We went to the wedding, and it was amazing and sad. He’s since had his ups and downs, but is still with us.

His wife constantly talks to my gf about trying to get pregnant, and we worry about that. Do they know what that means, how that will work?

Last week, my gf recieved a very random text from him (he’s never contacting her directly beofre) saying that he needs someone to talk to, and that he has been living in pain every day recently and is struggling. She is heartbroken and confused, as she wants to help and be there, but has never really been close to him at all. It appears that he can’t reveal how much he is suffering to his wife and is reaching out. She has told him to call, but we have not heard from him yet.

This man has gone through so much. And to just know that he is spending every moment in pain, affects us to such a deep degree, but we struggle with what we can do for them.

Anyway, not much of an ending or plot turn, but jsut an update. We have trouble getting real details on his situation, so with all we have learned, we continue to be amazed he has survived this long.

Just venting and updating…thanks all…

24

I know someone who used to be a junkie. He came back home after years away, bringing a live-in-girlfriend and a newborn: they were coming straight out of rehab. Her family refused to have any contact with her.

Some eight years later, when his parents had already given up hope of seeing them “paperized,” they got married. Her family got invited to the wedding but refused to go.

She died less that a year later: AIDS.

His family was pissed that they hadn’t shared that the reason for the wedding was that she was dying and that happened to be the easiest way for him to get custody of the boy; they were offended that they had rejected their help by not allowing them to offer it. But they did agree that it was a perfectly fine reason to get the paperwork done.

Oh, and her parents? They tried to get custody of the grandchild they hadn’t even met, but the judge threw it out so fast it made a booming noise.

I hope your gf can help him and that it won’t be too painful for her, Fat Chance.

25

Well taking first things first, your friends debt and stuff is none of your business. I know you’re conserned for her, but it really is her affair to deal with. I would simply tell her “Are you sure it’s wise as you might be stuck paying off his debts?” Then she knows, it’s up to her whether or not she takes your advice.

Second so the guy is dying. You know what people die all the time. Suppose he was healthy and after they walk down the aisle and head to the reception in the limo, the limo gets sideswiped and he is killed in the car accident.

He’s now dead. People die and just because someone is healthy for the moment so what? No one has a guarantee they’ll be around tomorrow anyway.

If someone knows he is dying, he may be to the point where he knows and has accepted this. It’s hard for a healthy person to understand how someone can be resigned to dying and accept it, but people do, do this.

What’s the guy supposed to do? Be miserable for the few months he has left. If a wedding brings him joy (and you never mentioned how he feels about it) why not go for it. Is he supposed to spend the rest of his short life in a chair saying “It’s not fair,” while he watches the clock tick down?

I understand you are just conserned for your friend, but try not to put your feelings and interpretations onto your friends.

If you have a concern, state it to her and allow her to take your advice or toss it out the window, it really isn’t your business in the end.

And for Pete’s sake, everyone dies. Don’t let this be a reason to cancel any happiness you could be enjoying in the meantime. After all for any of us, it could be later than you think, a LOT later. Who knows?

26

Markxxx, go back and read post #23. This is a zombie thread from 5 months ago, the wedding already happened and the groom is still alive.

27

Correction. A year and five months ago. Still alive indeed.