… in three weeks. In Chicago. And we live in L.A. And he’s expecting us to be there. :smack:
I’d have to arrange to take time off from work. My wife would have to arrange to take time off from work. We’d have to pull both kids out of school. We’d have to arrange to have the dog boarded. We’d need to get plane tickets and book hotels. We’d need to get the kids new dress clothes. We’d need to get them winter coats! (L.A. to Chicago!) We’d have to back out of another wedding that my wife and I RSVP’d to six weeks ago.
He dropped this bomb on us tonight. Tomorrow my wife is going to call him and tell him that we simply can’t make it work logistically. Two months warning and we could make it happen. But three weeks?!!!
I think you should give your wife something nice, both for having the sense to see that her brother is being an idiot and for not killing him. I’m guessing this kind of level of thoughtlessness isn’t exactly a surprise (if it was, you would have mentioned it), but still - :smack: indeed!
When you let them down perhaps consider pointing out you’re sure, when they chose such a short time line, they must have been aware of the possibility that other people may have conflicts and previous commitments that could keep them from attending on short notice.
Turns out there’s a reason people start planning weddings well in advance, and send out ‘Save the Day!’ cards!
You know there is the possibility that he’ll be more circumspect than you imagine. If he’s truly shocked some people cannot make it, I think that’s on him, not you.
Nonetheless, assuming they’re somewhat close, I’d do what I could to have your wife attend, since I presume it’s her brother.
If it’s too expensive, or just not logistically possible, then no one should be upset if you decline.
And, of course, if one of you does go, let the couple whose wedding one/both of you will miss know asap. It may be within the time that final headcounts are due.
No. If you’ve RSVP’d yes to something, you can’t back out just because something better came up. An RSVP is a commitment. The logistical issues are irrelevant here; you’ve accepted another invitation. End of story. BIL could be getting married in the house next door, and you’d still be unable to go.
This is what save-the-date cards are designed to prevent.
He expects you there? Sorry, that does not sound like a loving and gracious invitation to share his special [del]day[/del] few hours with you.
HERE’S THE THING: If this event were truly important to you, you wouldn’t be coming here and asking how to get out of it. You’d be moving heaven and earth to get there, regardless of the expense/hardship involved.
Here’s your pass. *<hands it to Hamster> *Skip it. Have a party for him later, send a big present, and he can get over it. His sense of entitlement dies not constitute marching orders for you.
Oh, I’m not asking how we go about getting out of it. We already figured that out. I just had to share.
My wife ISN’T close to her brother. But he is family and we gladly would go to his wedding halfway across the country if we had adequate time to plan. He and his fiance came to our daughter’s bat mitzvah two years ago.
I honestly don’t think he has any idea of what he’s asking. He’s in his 50’s and never been married before. No kids. No pets. Always worked as a freelancer, so never had a 9-to-5 job. So for him, dropping everything to make an unexpected trip is no big deal. You book your flight, pack your bags, and boom … you’re good to go. The thought that we might have a large tangle of responsibilities and commitments that we’d have to extract ourselves from probably hasn’t even crossed his mind.
The kicker: My wife asked him why he was getting married so fast. His answer? He missed the February deadline for signing up for Obamacare so he currently doesn’t have health insurance. But if he gets married he can be added to his finance’s insurance immediately. :smack:
She’s generally less clueless. That’s one reason we *really *hope this wedding happens whether we’re at it or not … so there will be someone besides my wife responsible for him when my in-laws pass away. We don’t have any idea why she’s agreed to this.
And what sort of wedding can you pull together in three weeks? One of my sisters had a small wedding. She got married in my parent’s living room with a handful of family and friends and then we all went out to dinner afterwards and THAT took more than three weeks to plan!
When I was in my 30s and in grad school in Florida, my mom gave me about 6 weeks notice of her wedding in Minnesota. The kicker is that it was Thanksgiving weekend, which is always a travel clusterfuck. In fact, the student newspaper had an article a week before her announcement with a title similar to “if you haven’t planned your holiday travel by now, you are screwed.” I was not happy, but she is my mom. I was able to fly in on Thanksgiving morning, but couldn’t get a return flight until the Tuesday after Thanksgiving.
People seem to think that travel on Thanksgiving weekend is super easy, since it is a long weekend. Well people who seldom travel on Thanksgiving weekend think that.
You only take one day off work–leave in the morning and return at night. Thus no hotel bills.
You leave the kids in LA, either letting them fend for themselves or hire a sitter–and they can take care of the dog. No dress clothes for them, no winter coats for them, no problems them missing school.
You send the other couple a big present–explaining it’s your wife’s brother–and family is very important to the two of you!!!
“That’s right, when you access our registry at Tiffanys, the Conference Call number emails to you automatically…!”
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We were all set to attend my sister’s wedding when she called it off. No biggie - stuff happens. A few weeks later, it’s back on again. Only instead of being during the summer, it was after school has started. Getting time off work would be no small task. Taking our daughter out of school was a bigger deal. And driving 800 miles when it just might be called off again? Nope.
She did get married. Three months later, her “beloved” was in jail. Two months after he got out of jail, he hocked her TV and jewelry and disappeared. She never saw him again. A few years later, he was dead. I have no regrets about missing the wedding. And my sister and I get along just fine.
Maybe I’m a grouch, but I don’t consider “family” an automatic obligation. Lack of planning on your part, etc…
no, that’s incredibly inconsiderate of them. hell, my cousin is getting hitched this coming July, they sent out “save the date” cards last September or so. And their wedding is taking place locally.
expecting people to take a cross-country trip on a few weeks’ notice is clueless.
