:mad:
The SO and I recently shelled out a load of cash to visit his brother and the future sister-in-law.
There’s a lot to rant about THAT, but I’m trying to get over it. Needless to say, the sis-to-be didn’t make the best of impressions.
Now we learn that the couple is on the verge of scrapping their original wedding plans in favor of a low-key beach wedding with a few guests.
Lovely, right? Except they’re planning on the Fucking Bahamas.
Sure - they get a huge discount on the hotel and air, b/c they’re in the industry. However, the discounts do not extend to family/friends.
Perhaps if they would have prepared those invloved 6 mos ago, when they announced the first plans, I wouldn’t be pissed. We could have planned a bit more. But now the cost to attend has more than tripled, we have to get passports renewed, more time off from work, etc… GOD! We have to go, as my SO is the best man.
Just fucking elope. :mad:
Hmmm. It does feel better to vent a bit. Can’t bitch to the SO, after all.
Completely selfish. Completely–if they really cared about having family there, they should have made sure that they could procure discounts for family and friends. Maybe if all of their family and friends are well-off, this wouldn’t be so bad, but it’s still rude to change plans at the last minute. I see that your SO has to go, but do YOU have to? If you feel this strongly about it, I would suggest you not attend at all. You could also feel confident placing this rant in etiquettehell.com, methinks.
Weddings are decidedly not for me, and my father has offered me $10,000 if I choose to elope, so I know what I’m doing. If my husband-to-be wants a large wedding, though, I will have no trouble letting him pay for it.
Sigh - I wish…
The SO is the best man.
As for me, I was Maid-of-honor (horror) in the WEDDING FROM HELL last march, and the SO suffered even more than I did in that fiasco. I owe him really really really big.
Well, there is no law saying the SO has to be the best man, even if the conditions change. Just say “sorry man, but we just can’t cut the expense or the time right now; we wish you well.”
I forgot to mention.
The brother has requested that I not be present the day before the wedding. Not anything against me - he wants only his bro and his 3 best friends with him before the trip down the ailse.
Also, the SO can only take the day before, the day of, and the day after off of work.
So - tropical paradise, no SO to share it with. Yeahy!!! I’ll be hanging out with the parents! Yeahy!
Not to be a nag or anything, but it is THEIR wedding.
Yes it’s inconvenient for you. Yes it’s expensive for you. Yes it’s a pain in the ass for you. Unfortunately, this isn’t really about you. So, you can either suck it up, go, and have the best time you can,(Hey, parents or no parents, you’re still in the Caribbean) or you can not go and feel morally superior, or you can go and grump yourself into a lousy time.
Personally, I would go, have a great time, and then start planning some ridiculous party/wedding/engagement/whatever event that will be fun for you and your SO, and cause this couple undo expense and trouble.
alice don’t start with the “it’s their wedding” stuff. Just because it’s a wedding doesn’t give them carte blance to be jerks. The couple is going to save themselves thousands of dollars on the wedding at the expense of their guests. Annie is being forced to spend a bundle of money on a 3 day vacation she didn’t really want. A vacation she won’t even be able to spend with her SO because of the stupid demands of the groom.
I think the whole thing is very rude, it isn’t easy for people to just up and make plans like this, especially on short notice. I’d probably cave in and go (sucker), but I’d really want to just tell them “sorry, no can do.”
I don’t care if this IS their wedding, this is an utterly ridiculous situation. When you decide to have a destination wedding, you have two options: you can either spring for travel and accommodation for everyone, or you can accept that some folks just won’t be able to do it. You do NOT have the right to expect people to shell out big bucks and major travel time to attend, especially if you make this decision this late in the game.
Annie, give me some contact info on these mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, microcephalic wastes of oxygen, and I’ll tell 'em how it is, one destination bride to another. If you won’t let me at them, you and the SO could stay home and tell the couple to spend their travel savings on web-casting the ceremony so you can watch at home in your jammies.
It doesn’t say anywhere in the original post that the couple is demanding that people attend.
I have no doubt that if brother said to the couple “I’m sorry, we can’t afford the expense of a trip right now.” the couple would either accept that, or offer to help with costs.
If Annie and her SO don’t want to go, they shouldn’t go. My only point is that if they feel they HAVE to go, at least try to enjoy the trip.
My sister’s former roommate is having a destination wedding next January (cruise to the Bahamas), and they made the decision with the understanding that not everyone would be able to make it. My sister and her husband are saving up to go, because a) they’ve never been on a cruise, and b) the former roommate is like a family member. They did everyone the courtesy of making their plans known well in advance (I think about a year ago at least), so that everyone who wanted to go would have time to save. I think the OP’s BIL is expecting too much, and if it’s out of their budget, I’d just tell him.
I dunno, alice. It’s his brother. If my brother was getting married in Timbuktu, I’d find a way to get there and vice versa. Of course, my brother wouldn’t be so inconsiderate to get married in Timbuktu–except on the off chance that he was marrying a Timbuktuian. At least then there would be a reason to have everyone schlep out there.
In other words, Annie’s SO has to go.
But Annie doesn’t necessarily have to. It sounds like she won’t even be able to see the SO while she’s there. (She can still owe him one. Debts like that never expire! )
Last year, my husband attended a family wedding in Florida without be because of money/work considerations. (The couple actually live in Florida, though.) It wasn’t a perfect solution, but everyone was pleased that at least one of us was able to go. People need to understand that out-of-towners may not be able to come to an event. And if they get offended, fuck 'em.
I dunno, alice. It’s his brother. If my brother was getting married in Timbuktu, I’d find a way to get there and vice versa. Of course, my brother wouldn’t be so inconsiderate to get married in Timbuktu–except on the off chance that he was marrying a Timbuktuian. At least then there would be a reason to have everyone schlep out there.
In other words, Annie’s SO has to go.
But Annie doesn’t necessarily have to. It sounds like she won’t even be able to see the SO while she’s there. (She can still owe him one. Debts like that never expire! )
Last year, my husband attended a family wedding in Florida without be because of money/work considerations. (The couple actually live in Florida, though.) It wasn’t a perfect solution, but everyone was pleased that at least one of us was able to go. People need to understand that out-of-towners may not be able to come to an event. And if they get offended, fuck 'em.
Well, there’s a chance that this was just a whim that was voiced before fully thought out. I know that they have not yet booked flights or the hotel for themselves, so my fingers are crossed.
And maybe they don’t want us there after all. The bride despises her family (she refered to them as the bitch sister and the bitch mother). The groom is rather indifferent. He really only likes to be with the bride, and tends to avoid all other humans.
Ah well… we shall see.
Thanks again, everybody! I have a tendency to be an angry pessimist, but I feel much better. If we go, we go… we just won’t have x- mas presents this year. Or next year.
)