Stop looking for the long involved hypothetical backstory. Ain’t gonna be one.
Well, let me take that back. There’s not a HYPOTHETICAL backstory.
My baby sister (by far my favorite sibling) and my best friend from college got married within six months of one another, about ten years back. In both cases they chose to elope. I didn’t complain about it at the time because I knew they were each going to get a ration of shit from their parents about it, but I was more than a little disappointed in both cases. I love them both, and wanted to be with them on such an important, life-changing day.
But that’s just me. Have you ever been hurt, disappointed, even angered by a bosom friend or beloved family member choosing to marry without family & friends present? Do you think you would feel such emotions if it happened in the future?
Years ago my brother in law decided to become engaged to his girlfriend (who was a horrible bitch, who caused him endless grief, and who he eventually divorced with “good riddance”). They decided they were going to elope. She SAID she wanted to do this because she didn’t like her family and didn’t think it was fair that his family would be there if she didn’t want hers (warning bells anyone). In truth, she was borderline abusive and this was part of getting his family away from him.
We talked my brother in law into a small private wedding in a public park - saying that his mother would never forgive his fiancee if they eloped - that she wasn’t well liked now, but if he ever hoped his mother would come around, this was not the way to do it.
We would have been hurt as well, but we talked him into it on that basis.
So it didn’t happen, but it almost did, and we would have been hurt.
I’ve never been someone who has found the actual wedding ceremony to be a terribly important thing. You can call it cheesy (oh, don’t try to play it off — I know you will), but any couple who is going through the trouble of the legal/religious hitching has, presumably, already committed themselves to one another, and that is the thing that matters to me.
If someone I were close to was in such a deeply committed relationship, and I didn’t know about that, THEN I would be hurt. But the ceremony? It’s not important to me that I be there unless it’s important to them.
I used to love weddings, but I’ve been to a lot over the years and I just feel like they are more trouble than they are worth. I’m happily married right now and it’s unlikely I’ll ever marry again, but if I do it will be an elopement.
From what I’ve observed even when the prospective spouses intend something very low-key things tend to get stressful and more expensive than they wanted very quickly.
Yes. I don’t care about weddings. I was my sister’s maid of honor and so it wasn’t just the wedding, it was also the bridal shower, bachelorette party (okay, that one was cool and not a big deal–but penis-shaped party favors cost significantly more than their non penis-shaped counterparts), rehearsal dinner, dress shopping, blah blah blah.
If I ever get married I want to elope to Vegas for sure. Now that I think of it…my psycho is going there for a couple days in December and wants me to go with him. I’d better not, because we could fuck around and end up married.
And my mom knows about my Vegas-wedding-only policy and said she’d be upset if I did. So I’d feel bad. But do it anyway.
I sort of fall into the same boat, with the caveat that I know a lot of people really value that ceremony/party and I respect that. I will certainly try to attend one with good spirits if someone really wants me to be there. Also I have a friend who does a lot of wedding photography and I’d hate to see him lose work ;).
What others choose to do when they get married is not my business even if it was someone close to me. I think eloping is a fine idea, IMHO. The amount of money that some people spend on their wedding is just insane. I suppose close friends and family often want to be part of the union. I do understand this. When my kids get married (if they do) I will be fine with whatever they decide to do.
If I were to get married again (doubtful) I would want to elope and take off to some place tropical and have hot naughty sex for days.
A family member kind of eloped? They didn’t leave town, but no one was expecting it. It turned into the couple, and the bride’s parents, who lived in town, going to the courthouse. I didn’t get invited. I don’t really care. In the case of family, it’s nice to be able to see the other family members who I like, and don’t see very often. I’d really prefer to see them at a reunion or some other get together, where it isn’t an obligation to go, and the relative getting married can’t hang out with anyone because they’re busy with wedding stuff.
Skald, are you female? I thought the name looks masculine, but I wouldn’t expect a guy to care.