When was someone planning to *tell* me this?

I was thinking about this today and thought it might make a good thread topic.
A couple years ago, a guy I knew pretty well (we both hung out with the same group of people) was engaged to be married. I’ll call this guy “Chuck.” So, Chuck’s wedding date was the second Saturday in September. It was a small affair, and some of the gang were invited, but Mr. Jeannie and I were not. On the fourth Saturday in September, Mr. Jeannie and I went to a party thrown by one of these friends. We saw Chuck there. So we went over and said, “Hey! How was your big day? How does it feel to be married?” Chuck looks a little bewildered and says, “Uh…it didn’t happen.” Then he just walks away, looking all depressed. To this day, I don’t know what happened to end the engagement (AFAIK, the wedding was “on” at least up until about ten days before the scheduled date). I realize people didn’t want to tell us Chuck’s private affairs, but someone could have at least pulled us aside or called us before the party to give us a heads up so we didn’t look like morons.
Anyone else ever stick your foot in your mouth due to lack of information?

Sure, but the fault is hardly yours, IMHO.

These are your circle of friends, right? Then, as friends, the least they could have done was clue you in. This is not necessarily gossip. Idle speculation as to the cause of the cancellation (without hard info) might be gossip, but a simple message saying “It didn’t happen, and we don’t know why.” isn’t, IMHO.

Being as you were excluded from the wedding, how were you to know that it didn’t come off?

I wouldn’t feel to embarassed, myself; I would even go up to “Chuck” and apologize for reopening his emotional wounds and making him feel uncomfortable. I wouldn’t apologize for not knowing, though, being as “Chuck” didn’t feel the need to include me and my SO (you and your SO) in the wedding invites.

I don’t think it’s your fault either, but my two similar experiences have taught me to be very, very circumspect about bringing up personal information. (Apparently one foot-in-mouth experience just wasn’t enough for me…)

First: A relative was expecting a baby. I didn’t see her throughout her pregnancy, but I saw her at a party right around the time the baby was due. She was REALLY big and looked very uncomfortable. So I asked, “So when’s that baby going to pop out?” She looked down her nose at me and said, “She was born three weeks ago.”

And also: An acquaintance at work, whom I hadn’t seen for maybe six months, waved me down in the hall to say hi. I said, “My goodness you’re looking slender! Have you been losing weight on purpose?” . . . and she said, “Uh, well, no, it’s just the chemotherapy.”

As embarrassed as I was, in both cases I simply acknowledged that I hadn’t known and asked the next sensible question. (“Do you have a picture?” in the first case, and “So how ARE you??” in the second case.) Neither of them seems to have harbored any resentment about my cluelessness.

However, I do try to begin conversations more in the “Hi, how are you?” mode these days. I guess I’d rather be boring than embarrassed (at least in this case).