Yes, it WAS embarrassing, but I just couldn’t bring myself to lie about it.
I can still see it from my upstairs office’s side window, but I have no idea what the hell it is.
It was FANTASTIC … but then the cat knocked it over.
Yes, I just got it. Of course I had to wipe off all the blood, but now it looks good as new. You’d never know its gruesome past.
Yes, I just made a fresh pot. Help yourself.
Oh, I have to go down to the basement to get some more. Be right back.
I think there’s just enough.
Well, don’t expect me to do them all at once. It’s just so damn tedious.
We’re in the middle of a snowstorm. You can’t expect “30 minutes or free.” Hell, we’ll be lucky to get that pizza at all.
Just put on the tag “To the grumpy old fart”. He’ll know it’s for him.
I tried doing it that way, with disastrous consequences. Now you should really come over and help clean up the mess.
Come at about 2pm, and bring extra cleaning supplies if you have any.
Sorry, we’re all out of that brand. I recommend Acme brand, over in aisle 6, though it tends to explode in your face.
It was the worst blind date I’ve ever had. His car smelled kind of weird and he spent the whole evening talking about some girl he had a crush on in high school.
Oh, yeah, it was terrible. She kept drooling all over her food and had pimples all over her face. Didn’t enjoy myself for one second.
Sorry, I have other plans.
It’s actually an interesting story. You know that John Lennon said, “Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.” Well, let me tell you …
Believe it or not, I’ve never done that, not even once. Just never had any desire to.
I know it was wrong, but I figured they’d never know if I took just one.
I’ll get to it once I finish my coffee.