There are so many things in life one can legitimately be against. One may not agree with all the positions, be people of good faith can be against war, terrorism, abortion, the death penalty, raising taxes, or a million other things.
The list of things almost everyone agrees on is small. Pretty much everyone agrees that these things are good: chocolate, puppies, adopting abused children…
What’s that??? There are people who are against adoption?!?
You can even order such catchy bumper stickers that say things like:
“Choosing” Adoption is like “Choosing” Rape
Adoption From Foster Care Doesn’t Make it Right
Adoption Does Not Cure Infertility
Adoption Destroys a Family to Create a Lie
Adoption is Child Abuse
So what is their beef with adoption? Like so many issues, it seems to be rooted in a mentality of “I had a bad experience, so this must be bad for all people.”
Let me give a direct quote from the website:
The amazing thing is that there actually seem to be a (very small) movement that wants to outlaw adoption. Yes, even through CPS, even if the child was abused.
I have never heard of this before. I think they have their hearts in the right place, wanting to preserve respect for family structure and the birth family, but I also feel that they are twisting things a bit (or maybe a lot) to suit their own ends. The fact that one of those sites is hosted on geocities does not spark much confidence.
From what I can tell (being a mostly uniformed college student who knows little about adoption), they do have some good points.
From what I can tell (being a mostly uniformed college student who knows little about adoption), they do have some good points. On the other hand, i ran across this example of a girl being coerced into giving up her child. Yes that happened, and from what I understand, it happened a lot. But this was thirty years ago, when a single teenage mother was one of the banes of society (once again, from the point of view of a mostly uniformed college student). Times do and have changed.
I think they’re forgetting about children who have been taken out of abusive homes, or otherwise unhealthy living arrangements. Wouldn’t they be better off with family that /wants/ to take care of them? Sure, maybe some of these children have psycological issues, but I doubt that’s from being adopted.
Once again, their hearts are in the right place, and while I don’t agree with what they’re trying to accomplish, I respect that they’re trying to help people in their own way.
I’ve met adoptees (as an adults) who claim they would have rather been aborted if their mothers didn’t want them. People who are lobbying to stop international adoption - deciding that orphanages in their birth countries would have been better than having been pulled out of and lost their birth culture.
(Adoption does not cure infertility. It cures childlessness. There is a very big difference and people who adopt to cure infertility are usually not well suited for adoption).
It is perhaps a bit unusual to hear someone come out so explicitly against adoption, but there is a strong anti-adoption sentiment in this country. At the high school I teach at, I dare say at least 5% of our female students are either pregnant or mothers-- of the 100 or so girls I have had on my roll for some period of time this year, ten have been pregnant or mothers (or both) and there are probably at least a few that have never mentioned to me that they have a baby. Of all of those, I’ve known ONE who gave her baby up for adoption and she faced serious shock and dersion from her classmates, from some of the staff here at the school, which distressed me greatly, and from her own family–the poor girl’s mother was calling her up from PRISON to say “if you have to give that baby up, you’d best let me adopt her!”
I can’t speak for the whole country, of course, but the school I teach in adoption is a taboo, scary, shameful thing–something that is never publically discussed–whereas being pregnant is a subject for casual gossip, and the default assumption is that you are keeping the baby.
Wow.
WHAT THE BLUE-ASSED BABOON BLOODY RECTAL FUCKING HELL!!!
I was adopted. I was adopted as an infant at 2 months of age. During the interim from birth to two months, I was cared for by a children’s home, (not a foster center). I was given up for adoption because my birth parents were young, and unable to give me the care that I deserved. Giving me up was an ultimate display of LOVE and AFFECTION on the part of my birth parents. I was born when they were 19 and 18 respectively. Well above the age of legality, and they had every right, and I’m sure, pressure to keep me. Instead they loved me enough to NOT abort me, and to give me to my parents who were unable to have children, and were able to provide an eviroment that would grant me everything they thought a child deserved. I was treated with nothing but love, and affection from my parents. They are the most wonderful, and aggravating :rolleyes: people in the world, and I wouldn’t trade them for another set for anything. I don’t resent my Birth parents’ decision to adopt me out, nor was I EVER abused by my parents. YE GODS, they wouldn’t ever even THINK of abusing me. I was told often that I’m the most prescious gift that they could have recieved since they could not have children of their own. I’m free from any psychological disorders, and I’ve NEVER wanted to look for my Birth parents.
Did you see the “Family Assistance” section? They make it out like the only two options in an unwanted pregnancy are to keep or adopt out the baby… hmm… not that I’m all for or all against abortion or anything, but shouldn’t they at least mention that? If you’re counseling someone on their options, ALL options should be considered. Personally, I feel that adoption is a better option than abortion. (not to get into that debate) So you can’t just* ignore * that! It just seems like there’s more than one gaping hole in their philosophy.
Also:
But being older, married, rich, and prepared won’t hurt.
I actually overheard the following conversation recently:
“I think people should just abortions instead of adopting.”
“Aren’t you a Christian?”
“Well, yeah, but the babies could go right to heaven instead of knowing that they weren’t wanted and abandoned by their parents.”
I know someone who could. While suffering in a Christian high school for a year, one of my classmates gave us all the lowdown on aborted babies. Since the babies never accepted Jesus as their savior, they go to hell. Stupid little heathen babies!!
On a television show in Canada, called Focus on the Koran, or something like that, I once saw the host, a scholar of Islam, decry adoption because it “denies the natural parents’ rights.”
I also had a discussion with a cow-orker in Ottawa who was engaged to a Muslim, and she told me that one sticking point between them was that she wanted to adopt, but his religious faith meant that he didn’t “believe in it”. This led me to believe that Islam forbade adoption.
But, upon writing this post, Google showed me the truth (since I rarely shoot my mouth off with nothing to back it up).
Upon reading this, I realized what it is: because of the rules about adopting a child, it is forbidden for Muslims to participate in closed adoptions.
kung fu lola: Then they would agree with open adoption? That’s what I got from that…
They have open adoption here in Alberta (unless you go with the Mormon’s) where the parents stay in contact with the child and the family they are with. My friend gave her daughter up for adoption 2 years ago this July and still sees her around 3 times a month, has pictures, talks to the family etc.
Yes they do, but the point is that the popularity of open adoption is a fairly new phenomenon. My impression was that until recently, closed adoptions were the norm (in cases where it wasn’t a fmily member adopting), which would have made it impossible for Muslims who follow Shari’ah, but live in Western countries, to adopt.
Also, what about adopting children out of foster care? Are those commonly open adoptions? I don’t see how they could be, if the children are in foster care because CAS removed them from their (presumably unwilling) parents. Therefore, it would follow that Muslims are forbidden from adopting the kinds of children who are featured in “Today’s kids” sections of newspapers and suchlike (If there is a significant number of open adoptions of kids in foster care, I’m not aware of it, but I’d love to be corrected. This is a subject on which I’ve done some reading, but I haven’t kept current and I’m by no means an expert).
I don’t know about foster care kids… I haven’t really had experience with the adoption process beyond looking into that option when I was pregnant with my son (I decided to keep him) and what my friend has told me about her child’s adoption.
Re: Foster children being adopted: My family does foster care for the state of New York. They have never yet been given care of a child who did NOT still get visitation with his or her biological parents, REGARDLESS of the reason the child was removed; we’ve had kids come through who were taken out of parental custody for being raped at the age of 1, and since the dad wasn’t in prison - apparently there wasn’t enough evidence to get a criminal conviction - the kids had to go back and stay overnight at their parents’ house once a month. We tried to adopt them, but the parents’ rights were never terminated. We’re trying to adopt my current foster brother, but under the rules of the foster care agency my parents are registered with, it would HAVE to be an open adoption or there wouldn’t be an adoption at all.
I did no more than glance thru the website link, but does it smell like parody to anyone else? Lots of the language is reminiscent of anti-abortion websites.
Of course, a good deal of my feeling is based on the assumption that nobody is dumb enough to be against adoption. I don’t know, maybe I have been whooshed.
Of course, many, many other times I have said “Nobody is dumb enough to be against X”, and it turned out that somebody was, so maybe I am naive.
The only reactions I have ever gotten against adoption (both the junior Shodan-ettes are adopted) was based on racism and other forms of stupidity, never anything against the idea of adoption in general.
shrugs
If these folks are serious, they’re acting like idiots. If they’re not serious, they still are.
Well, I did a reverse lookup on their toll-free telephone number, and it’s registered to Adoption Legalized Lies of Martinville NJ. That isn’t conclusive, but establishing a real toll-free number seems like a lot of effort to go through for a hoax.