An anti-joke is a a type of humor that starts out like a joke, but takes a left turn somewhere and lacks a punchline. They are frequently dark: (What’s worse than an ingrown toenail? The holocaust.) but don’t have to be (What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint. ) Post your favorites here. I’ll start:
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Dave
Dave who?
Tears welled in Dave’s eyes as he realized that his grandmother’s Alzheimer’s had progressed to the point where she no longer recognized him.
This mornig I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. The illegal ivory trade is doing great.
My impersonation of The Bad News Bears:
Yogi: Heyeyey there Boo Boo!
Boo Boo: What Yogi?!
Yogi: Your mother’s dead.
What do you call a black guy that flies airplanes for a living?
A Pilot - you racist!
I’m not sure if that counts or not.
I love these kind of jokes. They almost never fail to make me laugh.
Wouldn’t the classic, “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.” fit the definition of an anti-joke?
What’s red, white, and blue, and makes a lot of noise on the fourth of July?
A rape victim.
A dog goes into a bar and orders a scotch and soda.
The bartender says, “Holy shit! A talking dog!”
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Jehovah’s.
Jehovah’s who?
Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I’m an atheist. Go away.
Andy Kaufman once told a long one on Letterman, about a prince and a princess that were in love, and got married, but then the prince didn’t like the princess’ violin playing, or something, and the princess didn’t like something the prince did, and they had an argument, and finally decided to make a rule that nobody could talk about the princess’ violin playing or the thing the prince did that annoyed the princess.
Average Cats–the (now defunct) anti-humorous equivalent to Lolcats.
Three guys walk into a bar. They are all taken to the hospital with skull fractures.
What do you get when you cross a rhino and and elephant? A genetic freak of nature.
A man walks into a bar and sits next to a leprechaun. He thinks to himself “I really need to start taking my anti-psychotic meds.”
A priest, a nun and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, is this some kind of a joke?”
There once was a man from Capri
Who one day was stung by a wasp
When asked “Does it hurt?”
He replied “No it doesn’t”
But I am really exceptionally glad that it wasn’t a hornet
A cowboy walks into a saloon and sits down at the bar. The bartender asks what the cowboy will have, and the cowboy says “Whiskey.” The bartenter pours him a shot and says “That’ll be five bucks.” The cowboy puts six dollars on the bar. He then drinks the shot. Then he stands up, tips his hat to the bartender, and leaves.
What’s black, white and red and can’t turn around in a hallway?
A nun with a spear through her head.
This probably isn’t exactly what you’re looking for, but it has always amused me, and every time I tell it to someone they just look at me like I’m insane:
Q. Why is an elephant like an eggplant?
A. They’re both purple, except for the elephant.
Why does a chicken? I don’t know why.
– A. A. Milne (okay, more an anti-riddle than an anti-joke)
Roses are red, violets are blue
Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn’t
Knock knock
Who’s there?