I have a somewhat quirky sense of humour, and my favourite kind of joke is the “anti-joke”. For the unfamiliar, anti-jokes are jokes that start like standard jokes but then turn out not to be joke at all. The surprise element thus becomes the joke. Here’s a few of my favourites:
A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is ruining his life.
Q: What did the apple say to the orange?
A: AAAAH!! AAAAH!!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE you because you’re DIFFERENT from me!!
3) Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One.
4) Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a sheep?
A: A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
5) Q: What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson is a paedophile.
6) Q: Why does Donald Duck always wear a little sailor suit?
George, you’d love my son. He wanted to tell jokes long before he knew what one was. My favorite joke ever will always be Kenneth’s very first attempt:
“I met a man who said he hadn’t had a bite for three days. So I shot him.”
(sell it hard and look intently into the kid’s face when you tell it, expecting a laugh - my kids know me well so they know to check for Funny before assuming it is Funny and then they just break up anyway and say “aw, Dad!”)
As for the obvious ones:
Where do dumb generals put their armies?
In their sleevies!
What’s a foot long and slippery?
A slipper!
And the Great Stick Pairing:
What’s long, brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t return?
A stick - what is it with you?
(I find it helps if I lean in and say it seriously, like, do I really have to clue you in??)
Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a sheep?
A: A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
Yo momma so fat, when she bought an issue of Cosmo for an article on breast self-exams she became deeply depressed when bombarded by page after page of images perpetuating an impossible standard of beauty. That night she skipped dinner and cried herself to sleep.
Q: Why did the deaf guy take his parrot to work?
Two mathematicians are in the tub. One mathematician asks the other mathematician to pass him the soap. The second mathematician says, “No soap, ratio!”