But wait, there’s more!
[spoiler] Why did the second money fall out of the tree?
Because he was stapled to the first monkey.
Why did the third money fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure! [/spoiler]
Andy Kaufman used to do this with his Foreign Man character (Foreign Man was a stand-up comedian who didn’t understand the jokes he was trying to tell):
Here are a few more:
Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.
Q: What’s the white stuff in the middle of bird shit?
A: That’s also bird shit.
A rabbi, a priest and a nun walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What is this, some kind of a joke?”
Okay, this may not even qualify, but it’s all I can think of.
Q: What’s green and fuzzy and has six legs and if it falls on you out of a tree will kill you?
A: A pool table
Sorry. Too funny. It’s kinda like:
Q. What has 200 balls and fucks ducks?
A. A shotgun shell.
I thought the white stuff in bird shit was bird pee, but I haven’t independently confirmed that.
Science fiction fans will no doubt be familiar with this one:
Why is a laser beam like a goldfish?
Because neither one can whistle.
Long before Usenet mattered, back in the days when it was just Orson Scott Card and three other people using it, I heard a genuine Green Golf Ball joke. The details don’t matter, but it’s a shaggy dog story about a kid who makes it his mission in life to find “A real, green, golf ball. Not a white one painted green, but a real, green golf ball” (that line being repeated many times through the joke). At the end of the story (which is dragged out as long as humanly possible), he finally finds one as an old man, and promptly drops dead.
IIRC, birds have cloacas, so their pee and shit is all one lovely mixture.
What’s the difference between a duck?
Its leg is one and both the same.
Don’t forget the sweat. Ooooh, that sweat!
My dad used to confuse us with:
“What’s longer, a rope?”
What’s got one leg and no eyes?
A leg.
Q: What’s big and yellow and shaped like a school bus?
Seriously!?! You can’t guess?
Here’s one you may or may not have heard:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
Nu uh. He says “Is the bar tender here?”
^ Precisely.
Is it warmer in the summer or the country ?
Is it further to Boston or to fly?
Why is a mouse when it spins?
Nobody has thought of the classic Anti-Joke yet?
Why is a raven like a writing desk?
SSG Schwartz
Two muffins are placed into an oven. The first muffin says “Man its hot in here.” The second muffin says “Oh my god! A talking muffin!”
Thanks. You’ve been great.
But if you look closely (you know you want to) usually you’ll find a dark spot in the center and the white part all around. The white (IIRC, which I may not) is the liquid-processed waste and the dark part is from the solids the bird ate.
Ignorance fought; but I cannot look away.