I have no idea why, but I can’t stop laughing at this.
A baby seal walks into a club.
Improved punchline:
Niggas With Altitude
There’s a black fella, a Pakistani and Jew in a nightclub having a drink.
What a fine example of an integrated community.
There’s a lesbian, a bisexual and a homosexual in a wine bar having a drink.
They had a great night.
A man’s mother-in-law comes to live with him and his wife. After a year of horrible stress and family distress, he comes home to find her lying in the middle of the floor. They rush her to the hospital and a few hours later, the doctor comes into the waiting room and says, “Well, I have good news and bad news.”
The man says, “What’s the bad news?”
The doctor says, “She’s had a massive stroke and is completely paralyzed. She can’t speak, all she can do is squawk like a parrot. She can’t feed herself, so someone will have to spoonfeed her three times a day. And she’s totally incontinent, so someone will have to be at her side constantly to clean her up and change her diaper.”
The man says, “Oh my god - what’s the good news?”
The doctor says, “With the advances in modern medical science, we predict that she’ll be able to live for another 20 to 30 years!”
The man says, “You call that good news?”
The doctor says, “Nah, I’m just messin’ with ya. She died.”
There once was a lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake
When a man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ear
And said “You can’t swim here - it’s private.”
What’s black and white and red all over?
The newspaper I wrap my victims in.
What goes up when the rain comes down?
God’s pitiful creations attempting to escape the rising waters.
What did the prostitute say to the bishop?
Nice hat.
Not an anti-joke, but:
Q: How do you get a woman off after you already came?
A: Who cares?
A Pakistani goes up to an Englishman on the streets of London and says “Excuse me sir, could you please to be telling me the time, or would you like me to just fuck off?”
Holy hell. That’s possibly my new favorite joke. Is there a “real” joke version of this setup? Wow I just can’t stop laughing.
Or:
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One! :mad:
What is the difference between a duck?
One of his legs is both the same.