There was never a kid named Johnny Fuckerfaster.
A man walking along the riverside comes across a fish. To his surprise, the fish says to him “Hey, you! Hey, buddy! I’m a magic fish! Throw me back in the river and save me, and I’ll give you three wishes!”
So the guy throws the fish back in and yells “DIE! DIE! DIE!”
Bingo. How amusingly odd that the first joke we all ritualistically learn as very young children is one which we can’t actually appreciate at that point, as we don’t yet have any familiarity with the expectations (set by all those other jokes we haven’t yet experienced) it’s intend to subvert.
Likewise:
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
To hold their pants up.
Two guys are waiting for a bus chatting. The first guy asks “so, what do you do for a living?” and the guy answers “Well, I’m a beekeeper.”
“You gotta be kidding me!” the first guy says. “I’m a beekeeper too! How many bees do you have?” The second guy thinks for a second and says “Oh, about ten thousand bees.”
“Wow,” says the first guy. “About how many hives is that?”
“Ten hives.”
“So about a thousand bees a hive?”
“That sounds about right. How about you? How many bees do you have?”
“You’re not going to believe this, but I have one million bees.”
“One million bees! That’s incredible! How many hives?!?”
“Oh, just one.”
“One hive! Good God! Aren’t they a little crowded?”
The guy shrugs. “Fuck 'em.”
that was bad. painfully bad. I like Norm, but those weren’t even jokes. I felt bad for not laughing and think that the people that were laughing were just doing it out of pity.
They were meant to be that way. “Anti-jokes”, so to speak… Why, we should start a thread on the subject.
That is the funniest joke I’ve heard in a long time. Where did you hear it?
I think my two year old told me one of these yesterday.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Me!
Why does Donald Duck wear a little sailor suit?
Because he’s a cunt.
A poet named William McGonagall
Once tried his hand writing limericks.
But he never got
The meter thing quite right
And his lyrics didn’t rhyme either.
Nearly pissed myself!
I heard Steven Reich tell this anti joke. But it urned out to be so sublime, so subtle that the audience just sat there stunned for a full 5 seconds…
Then burst out laughing. It was like an meta anti joke…
I would tell you the joke…
but I forgot it.
I can’t tell whether “Steven Reich” is an anti-joke, an actual joke, or an unintentional joke.
Mission accomplished!
You could apply this to any joke really.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Who cares. Fuck off, it’s a chicken.
How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Who cares. Fuck off, just have them change it already.
That’s some seriously funny shit right there.
The New Yorker version of the light bulb joke is like this, but it’s an actual joke.
How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
[New York accent]: Fuck you!
Thank you, I wasn’t sure myself, either…
This probably isn’t an anti-joke either, but it kind of is:
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That’s not funny!
I swear to the Cosmos, this is a true story:
My SIL and I are in a mall, telling each other New York City jokes. As we approach the down escalator, I say "The ultimate NYC joke: Tourist goes up to a lady and says “Can you tell me where Carnegie Hall is, or should I just go fuck myself?” I step onto escalator. Ten seconds later, my SIL says “Or should I what?”
I turn around, say “Or should I go fuck myself?” and then realize I am talking to a middle aged woman I never saw before in my life, who got on the escaltor between SIL and me. I snap my head forward, clamp my lips together and put my hand over my mouth, and left out a very loud snort. Behind me, I hear my SIL say “Oh Fuck.”
When we got off the escalator, we laughed so hard we could not stand up.