The article said it was a Tinder “rendezvous”. That’s what the site is for, isn’t it?
There was an episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia where Charlie decides to take up online dating because the woman he’s always pined after is getting married. In preparation for his date, to make him sound more interesting than just being a janitor, the gang tries to coach him to say that he is a philanthropist. He gets flustered during the date, however, and describes himself as a “full-on rapist.”
Well now imagine a pro-rape activist is dating an anti-rape activist. Might make for an exciting date, but would very possibly not end well.
This leaves me a bit baffled by how she presumes to understand his motives; That is, she begins with the premise that this man is rapist and then when he (understandably) decides that her attitude is unacceptable, it confirms her preconceived notion that he was a rapist all along.
She reflexively jumps to, “He is turning me down because he wanted to rape me and I just ruined it for him,” rather than consider the possibility that “He is turning me down because he would rather be with a friendly person who enjoys his company.”
Also “going on the offensive” is a pretty bizarre way to look at a relationship. If she thinks this is how healthy human beings relate to each other in loving partnership, then I actually feel sorry for her.
Agree; if you think of your partner as an adversary rather than an ally, the relationship is probably doomed.
Someone needs to tell her that being obnoxious harms her cause more than it helps it.
A lot of people into a lot of causes need to hear that.
Forget about romance or sex for a second. If a salesman starts off a pitch to a client with, “I know the head of the FTC, and if you ever try to rip me off, you’ll be hit with a billion dollar civil suit in two seconds flat,” how long you think it will take for the client to snap, “I don’t need this crap, I’m outta here”?
I would have met her just to shake her hand. Then I woulda bragged about it here.
Regardless of “fuckboy,” I think the most telling point of her comment was that she was in a rage because the guy declined meeting her. A rage? When in response to a pretty straightforward and upfront rejection, rage is a response that shouts “unbalanced.” If she were a guy and told someone that “I went into a rage cause this girl rejected me,” all sorts of alarm bells would go off.
I mean, that kind of response to rejection in a guy could lead to a violent rape, not just a “she got drunk and didn’t give consent” rape.
It also seems like maybe she didn’t really want to go on a date at all. Going in with “so I know the chief of cops, so don’t rape me, OK?” implies to me that she was kind of looking for an out.
Me, too.
And is it the same if you’re middle-aged?
Oh, thanks, now I have to wipe wine off the monitor…
I’ve been married 20 years and that was the norm when I dated.
And it made it difficult to date back then, and I wasn’t a date rape activist. I had dates that went fine all evening, and ended on a bad note when I didn’t put out. I was called a tease and a bitch. And I was date raped. I got out of a parked car and walked two miles home down a country road at one in the morning when my date decided the price for getting me to my house was a blow job.
You monster.
She kind of reminds me of a woman I met years ago. Back then it was with personal ads in this dating paper where if you liked someone, you would send them a letter or sometimes it would be a voicemail box. Well this one woman in her voice message she stated first on that she was divorced and here was a list of all the things she hated in men. Then she stated a couple of things about the things she enjoys.
But first of all, it seemed like she was attacking men.
I asked her out anyways but it didnt go well because she seemed so uptight.
I happened to hear Maya Angelou say “When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time”. It was part of something bigger and at the time I had no idea that it was a famous quote of hers, but it stuck with me.
In the dating world, when I get an email from someone and check their profile and see things like “I tend not to get along with guys” or “I don’t date guys with kids” or “[something something something] a lot of people think that makes me a bitch, but I’m just being honest”, my first thought is always “aaaand, moving on, not even messing with that one”.
When Maya said that quote, she elaborated to say (paraphrased), when someone tells you who they are, don’t defend them or make them feel better about themself, thank them for letting you know what to expect". I think the example she gave is someone who arrives at your house late and says ‘sorry, I’m always running late’. Don’t say ‘no big deal’, instead say ‘thanks for letting me know, next time I’ll take that into consideration’.
But anyhow, yeah, when I look at a profile that comes right out and says “I don’t usually get along with guys” or “I can be a bitch sometimes”, well, you can have at it with someone else, I’m not up for it.
Which was a bad idea, and only led to more confusion. And so you were called to task for doing so.
I’m also not sure you’re entirely correct. I think she chose “fuckboy” instead of another pejorative for a reason. Fuckboy’s primary meaning is akin to a male slut, someone who is always vying for sexual attention from women. So she’s also saying that he only liked her because he thought she would put out.
I think it depends on where you live and the age of the participants. Around here, having sex on the first date got you labeled easy in high school. It was expected that the guy might try, but that the woman would turn him down.
But we were also in a huge “purity ring” culture. As in, I’d say two-thirds of the women I met had one. Sure, it didn’t stop sex, but it did seem to make them more reluctant. (and of course, unprepared when it did happen. We didn’t have like 10 teen pregnancies in a class of 200 for nothing.)
Nope. You’re wrong. That’s certainly a usage for the word, but not in this instance. If you argued that it was in some sort of “tumblr” sense of a he-man womanhater, I’d might consider (although that’s wrong, too; he’d be a fuckboy because of that), but nope.
Look, I’m black and probably about 5-6 years older than the women interviewed. These are words I use regularly. Fuckboy is this year’s basic (in the sense of it’s a word that has meaning in the “black community” that gets distorted as its usage becomes popular). The dude may have expected her to put out, and she may have considered, but then they had a talk and decided they couldn’t meet a mutual standard of consent and just went their separate ways. I would agree she was doing too much with her opening salvo about knowing the cop and her rights or whatever, but I doubt she thought the guy to be some potential rapist as others have suggested.
You’re both wrong! It’s 'cause she’s from Spain, where “fuckboi” means “dumbass dickhead.”
Shut down the internet, you’re done.