Hey, I really enjoyed meeting you at the party the other night. We had a fun conversation, and I was flattered when you asked me out. I was glad when you emailed me today. I had fun at dinner, and the food was great. I would have gladly paid my share, but when you insisted on paying, that was cool - I’ll pick up the check next time. (Stop laughing, I will!) Anyway, it was really nice of you.
I wasn’t shocked when you kissed me while we waited for the tea to boil - I enjoyed snuggling on the couch and making out with you. You’re a nice guy, you’re cute, and it was a fun night. But dinner plus tea does not equal you sleeping over after I’ve known you for what, 3 whole days? Do you even know my last name? When I emphatically moved your hands away from my pants, that was not a signal for you to put them back. When I moved them away the next time, it was not just a fun game called “Let’s get in Maggies Pants.” You’ll know it when I want you in my damn pants, and trust me, that conversation will not start with “I like you, but I’d like to know you better before we go any further and I think we should stop now” followed by me trying to wriggle out from under you.
Yeah, and when you pinned me down on the couch and laughed at my feeble attempts to get out from under you, you pretty much guaranteed that you will NEVER get in my pants. Not funny. Not endearing. Not cute. And whining about the cold and your long drive back? Not helping. Did you think I’d say “Well, it is cold out, and you do have a long drive back to suburban hell where you live, sure, what the hell? Stay and we’ll fuck like rabbits.” So good night, and good riddance, Mr. Pushy Bad Kisser Boy. I don’t think I like you anymore.
The next time some bastard tries something like that getting very wicked minded on them. Blindfold them and pour burning candle wax on them or ask them to wear your bra and panties and run around saying I’m your bitch emphatically. Don’t let that asshole get away with it so easy. Fuck with their minds hard next time. Don’t let them off so easy!
Wow! Can you say ‘date rape’? What an idiot…next time, tie him up, blindfold him, gag him and take pictures and post them all over the internet. Or leave him there, go get a bunch of friends and bring them back to laugh at him.
Diane, you crack me up. “Are those the panties your mother laid out for you?”
Hey, I’m hardly a delicate flower, and I really have no feminine virtue left to protect. I’ve definitely had sex on the first date (Like Esprix and SuaSponte say, it’s a great way to find out if you want a second date). Hell, I’ve gotten down and dirty before there has officially even been a “date.” Most of what he did was under the heading of “Dude jes’ trying to get laid”, but he crossed the line not by violating my whatchamacallit…er…virtue? but by being fucking ANNOYING!
Me: “Hey, let’s stop this, it’s time for me to send you home.”
Him: “But why, when I’m so comfortable here?”
Me: “Look, I’m really too tired for this to be any fun right now. It’s time for you to go home.”
Him: kissing my ear, refusing to move.
This is just not the way to get me to break out the Astroglide! I’m fucking tired, not in the mood, not enjoying your kisses that seem to be filled with both teeth and slobber, not to mention the amateurish groping. Step off! Step off!
If he had pushed further, please rest assured that I would have fought like a wildcat and verbally abused him until he cried for his mommy. Fortunately he eventually got the hint when I rolled him off the couch and onto the floor, handed him his coat and other belongings, and held the door open. He was still trying to talk me into something all the way out the door.
Yeah, Scylla’s post reminded me of what I was originally going to say…
I’d be happy to beat the shit out of him for trying such a stunt. That is totally unacceptable. It really makes me mad when I see such behavior and I am secure in my belief that some incidents do not need the intervention of law enforcement.
grrrr
Maybe the bastard was confused by the title “fucking couch.”
Or maybe I shouldn’t joke about this subject.
Nothing promotes a “maybe I’ll consider seeing you again when I get bored,” to a full fledged, “I hope I never have to unwrap your tentacles from my body again” like a guy who doesn’t listen.
I was waiting for the first “fucking couch” joke, so thanks.
Exactly.
MikeG (or should I call you MickeyBlueEyes), your leg-breaking skills are not needed. A scathing email seems to have done the trick - he’s falling over himself with apologies and requests that we can “still be friends.”
(No, dipshit, we aren’t friends. There’s no still about it.)
P.S. SuaSponte, I could never be so cold-hearted as to kick you out and send you all the way back to New York in this weather! Hell, I’d feel mean even making you stay on the couch.
