Guys, Y U no listen?

[MeanOldLady]

So I’m spectacularly good at attracting men I have no interest in. If you ever need a clan of 23 year old boys or beta males, send me out into the wild and I’ll come back with, like, 20 of them. So when I met an adult male, I thought that was pretty swell. He’s a grown up, not bad looking, plus I had fun talking to him, so I agreed to meet him the following day for something I suppose one could call a date. We meet at a place near me, and while nothing bad happened, I wasn’t feeling the magic. When it’s time to go home it’s raining cats and dogs, and since I live on the pretty far edges of my city, it’s tough to hail a cab on a school night. So considering he was nice, didn’t have an umbrella, and it was pouring, I invited him to call a cab from my apt (I know…) and hang out where it’s warm and dry while he waited. I know, I know! I was trying to be nice! So I’m not one to beat around the bush, I’m not one to mislead, and so I made it very clear to him that while I understand whenever a date invites you up for any reason (to meet her cat, to check out her art collection, to watch that movie she was telling you about), it’s a poorly veiled excuse to make with the funny business, but this was NOT the case. The case here is he’s been cool beans and I didn’t want to have him standing in the pouring rain with no umbrella waiting for a cab for 15 min. He says he understands fully and thanks me for being nice about it.

So! You can guess what happened next. When he got in, instead of calling for a cab and getting the hell out of there, he wants to look around, shoot the shit, he asked me for a tour. Annoying. This is not the Playboy Mansion; this is a one bedroom apartment. There’s a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom that you’re never going to see. So after getting the 10 second grand tour, he plops down on the couch, makes with the small talk, makes with touching me which I immediately shut down, and does NOT make with calling the cab. After about 10 minutes of this, I say to him “You should call a cab now.” He pretends as if the idea had somehow slipped his mind (:rolleyes:), then goes back to what he was doing before, which was flirting with me and not calling the fucking taxi. Then he starts trying to kiss me, I back away, he keeps trying, then I make with an extremely bitchy “NO.” And then he looks irritated! With me! So I says to him, “Um, I thought I made it pretty clear that inviting you here was only so that you didn’t have to stand outside in the rain. I made a point of painstakingly disabusing you of the notion that anything --anything at all-- would happen other than you staying dry while you wait for a ride.” Come on, man. So he says, “If you want to tell me to get lost, just say so.”

:smack:

Get lost, motherfucker! Even after this, he keeps dicking around. There’s still more obnoxious flirting and trying to paw me. Get out, already! So I say “Do you need me to call the cab? Because I’ll call a cab for you if you can’t do that.” I then start going through my phone, fixing to make the call my damn self, when he finally gets with the fucking program, calls a cab, then leaves. Shit, even then I was too nice. I should have just thrown him out and let his sorry ass stand in the rain. Jesus fucking Christ. You try to be nice to someone…

And this is why I hate everybody.

[silenus]

Tease.

[hogarth]

Just curious – what was the mysterious meeting place near your house that apparently wasn’t warm and dry?

[Johnny_Bravo]

Maybe you shouldn’t have been wearing your “come into my home and make out with me even though I don’t seem into it” socks.

We guys pick up on little signs like that.

[MeanOldLady]

@silenus

Tease.

I will cut you.

@hogarth

Just curious – what was the mysterious meeting place near your house that apparently wasn’t warm and dry?

Bar/restaurant. It closed, so we left.

[Lukeinva]

There is no doubt he was channeling George Costanza… “coffee doesn’t mean coffee, coffee means sex!”

[Troppus]

If this had happened to me, what follows would be long, tedious bullshit emails and/or texts promising a happy life and swearing eternal love. Oh, and that I’m the most beautiful/sexiest/unlike any other woman he’s ever encountered before. Except I have mirrors and I’ve seen other women in the wild and it’s quite clear that I’m very ordinary. Apparently telling a guy who likes me “no” amps up my actual appeal by like 1,000%.

After a week or so with no response from me, I’ll get a follow up message telling me what a cold bitch I am. Get with the program, MeanOldLady, you aren’t allowed to cool off once you get to know a guy.

[snowthx]

@MeanOldLady

… I invited him to call a cab from my apt …

Green light.

[Shodan]

You misspelled “safe word”.

Regards,
Shodan

[robert_columbia]

Where do you find these guys? Picking up men at bars can tend to produce boyfriends with certain common qualities. Searching for dates at a church, on a college campus, the local probation office, an Army base, a country club, or an art museum are likely, on average, to yield different types of guys. It’s certainly not determinative but if you keep getting ones you don’t like then why not try someplace else? What are you looking for? If you’re looking for “no sex before marriage <3” types, churches pretty much can’t be beat for this.

Many churches actively encourage members who are unmarried and beyond a certain age to actively date and discourage bachelorhood and spinsterhood in general. The attitude of the former pastor at my church was more or less that a man over 25 or whatever with a steady career has no business not being married and needs to be hooked up right away <3. Yes, I was given ‘hints’.

[MeanOldLady]

@Troppus

Apparently telling a guy who likes me “no” amps up my actual appeal by like 1,000%.

Right? WHY IS THIS?! It drives me completely nuts. It’s like there is literally nothing you can say to make some people go away. Yes means yes and no means try harder. Good Jesus.

[pulykamell]

Of course, then there’s the opposite problem, like with me and my now-wife then-girlfriend on the third date. After a romantic dinner, she invited me up to her place for “a game of chess.” Apparently, my thought process must have been: when was the last time I played a game of chess? When was the last time I was in close physical company to a woman? Well, it was much longer since I played chess, so I proceeded to play chess with her. :smack: I did get with the program after the game was over, though. She still teases me about it.

[Ambivalid]

You should have known better than to invite him up to your apartment. Regardless of your insistence of not wanting to mislead, that is going to be exactly what happens if a woman invites a man up to her place after a date when she has no interest in him.

[DiosaBellissima]

@robert_columbia

Where do you find these guys?

You’d be surprised how quickly a perfectly good guy will turn into a scumbag if he thinks there’s an even remote chance of him touching a labia. This isn’t some failing on her behalf for choosing the wrong kind of guy to go out with.

Sorry you had to deal with that, MOL. What an utter douche. You did the guy a favor because he walked you home, you were up front about your intentions, and he still tried to force you into changing your mind. And people say nobody needs to be reminded that no means no anymore. :rolleyes:

@Ambivalid

You should have known better than to invite him up to your apartment. Regardless of your insistence of not wanting to mislead, that is going to be exactly what happens if a woman invites a man up to her place after a date when she has no interest in him.

Yes, this is all her fault.

[hogarth]

@MeanOldLady

Bar/restaurant. It closed, so we left.

I see.

I guess no good deed goes unpunished…

[Filbert]

@pulykamell

Of course, then there’s the opposite problem, like with me and my now-wife then-girlfriend on the third date. After a romantic dinner, she invited me up to her place for “a game of chess.” Apparently, my thought process must have been: when was the last time I played a game of chess? When was the last time I was in close physical company to a woman? Well, it was much longer since I played chess, so I proceeded to play chess with her. :smack: I did get with the program after the game was over, though. She still teases me about it.

A while back, my housemate got invited back to a guy’s house after a night out, ‘for coffee’- but she doesn’t drink coffee, so she said no, and just went home

She really liked him too, she just didn’t think he liked her. :smack:

Clueless people come in all genders.

[Sicks_Ate]

I have no idea. You kept typing, and all I heard was “Blah, blah blah.”

[MeanOldLady]

@Ambivalid

You should have known better than to invite him up to your apartment. Regardless of your insistence of not wanting to mislead, that is going to be exactly what happens if a woman invites a man up to her place after a date when she has no interest in him.

Apparently! I know what an invitation means, which is why I made with the couldn’t-be-clearer disclaimers, and he seemed nice, hadn’t been inappropriate earlier, the terrible downpour was a special circumstance, he insisted that he understood, so I thought he understood. Nope! Lesson learned: Everybody --no exceptions-- is terrible.

[pulykamell]

@Filbert

A while back, my housemate got invited back to a guy’s house after a night out, ‘for coffee’- but she doesn’t drink coffee, so she said no, and just went home

She really liked him too, she just didn’t think he liked her. :smack:

Clueless people come in all genders.

To be completely honest, I did tweak that things were going in that direction, but I really wanted to get that game of chess in. It was a long time since I last had a good game of chess! Nobody was going anywhere, and a little suspense never hurt anyone. But I still get teased for that.

[Troppus]

@robert_columbia

Where do you find these guys? Picking up men at bars can tend to produce boyfriends with certain common qualities. Searching for dates at a church, on a college campus, the local probation office, an Army base, a country club, or an art museum are likely, on average, to yield different types of guys. It’s certainly not determinative but if you keep getting ones you don’t like then why not try someplace else? What are you looking for? If you’re looking for “no sex before marriage <3” types, churches pretty much can’t be beat for this.

Many churches actively encourage members who are unmarried and beyond a certain age to actively date and discourage bachelorhood and spinsterhood in general. The attitude of the former pastor at my church was more or less that a man over 25 or whatever with a steady career has no business not being married and needs to be hooked up right away <3. Yes, I was given ‘hints’.

You’re blaming MOL for being nice? That’s not cool. I’ve never met a man in a bar, never been involved in online dating or on a blind date, and every single guy who has relentlessly pursued me in the last twenty years has done so after meeting at work, school, or through mutual friends. And I’ve been unavailable and in long term relationships the entire time. But I’m sure the majority of the male responses here will demonstrate the ardor, determination, and absolute inability to receive rejection gracefully. Let’s see how many guys blame MOL for leading this guy on.