Of course MOL did nothing wrong and the guy was a huge douche nozzle. Anyone who thinks otherwise has some serious hangups or issues.
What a jerk. Buuuut, I think you took the niceness thing a little too far by sitting on the couch with him for 10 mins. (I assume you were both on the couch since you said he was touching you). I agree with you, though. You should have been able to expect (especially after spelling it out for him), that he would be respectful of your wishes and not pull that type of crap.
I have the opposite problem - last time I invited a guy over, he declined. And I was not at all ambiguous about my intentions, either. :smack: Also slightly jealous that your admirers are 23 year old boys. I only seem to attract elderly men!
Forsooth! Apparently in his mind it was well and good to be nice and respectful, but the moment he heard the word “apartment,” it was kosher to turn into a dumb, drooling dog. Everything I said after that sounded like the Charlie Brown “woh woh woh” voice, so he smiled and agreed to everything I said next because, you know, vagina! Fucking people, I swear. The worst part is he seemed so cool with the agreement, showed no skeeviness, and was like, “I totally understand, and I totally get it. I appreciate your being so nice. Thanks.” Terrific! And then 5 minutes later…
Yup. Being nice to someone who’s given no signs of being an asshole makes me a screw up.
So you admit you were coming on to him.
Regards,
Shodan
Wow! Has he never heard no means no?
I am a very active guy and I think I need my action as much as the next guy…but I will NEVER understand this GRABBY attitude. Who raised this guy? Honestly? They should have raised him a gentleman. That doesn’t mean he can’t make the first move but…gee…
I’ve always found if you give a woman her space she will want you all the more for respecting her. NEVER failed me.
Do guys seriously not get that…?
Maybe because of stuff like this.
I’m totally on your side MOL. I’m just trying to make a point.
That’s probably a good general rule to keep yourself safe when dealing with men. You really can’t be clear enough with guys. There was one time I met a nice guy at a bar when I was 19, we had a lot of common interests and interesting conversation, and I realized after a bit that he was hitting on me. That’s flattering, but I made it clear to him that I didn’t swing that way, but we kept having a conversation. You’d think that’d be the end of the story, no? I’m not hurting his feeling by not being interested in him, I’m just not interested in any men. (ETA: I’m male myself, in case it’s ambiguous.)
At the end of the night, I walk back with him to my bus stop, which passes by his house. He asks me in. I say no. He asks again, I said, really, I don’t think that’s a good idea, I just met you, and, nothing against you, I don’t go home with people I just met. OK, let me call you a cab says he. I said, ok, that’s fine. He calls, and I’m waiting in the street. We make idle chit chat. I’m not even convinced he called a cab at this point, as I’m waiting outside for like fifteen minutes or so. I say, forget it, I’ll just grab the bus. So we say our goodbyes. He asks for a hug. At this point, I’m worn down and just want him off my back, so I agree. He hugs me and all of a sudden I feel a wet tongue going up my neck. I push him off me, and that’s just when the cab rounds the corner. He sticks ten dollars in my hand, and I’m off in the cab. Never saw him again.
At that point I kind of realized, wow, I kinda sorta am getting a glimpse of what women must deal with all the time.
I’m sorry he didn’t listen to you, MOL. I guess you learned your lesson - being nice just doesn’t pay off. 
Because…of Aaliyah?
It’s an example. I’m sure there’s countless others.
You know, this smells vaguely gamey, but I kind of agree with the premise. I love dogs and cats equally, but I’d rather pet the cat that sidles over, plays it cool and gives me some space than the embarrassingly overzealous dog which humps my leg with its tongue lolling out.
It’s not “gamey” at all. It’s human nature.
Examples of what exactly? Music being a poor benchmark to use to judge social situations?
Eugh. Reminds me… several years back, I was very upfront with an okcupid dude that I didn’t kiss on first dates–I will now, but back then I was relatively inexperienced and preferred to take things slow. We had a decent dinner at TGIFriday’s (hah, I know) and went back to his place–I made it clear that I just wanted to hang out. We played guitar hero with his roommates while smoking hookah, and I was having a really good time. Then his roommates all left the room–whether on accident or whether he orchestrated it, I dunno. Suddenly, he started sucking on my face and made a swipe for my crotch.
I made a beeline for the door and got the fuck out of there (fortunately, I’d driven there myself). Luckily for him, we were on his turf and I could get away. If he tried to pull that shit at my place, he would’ve had to surgically remove his nuts from his lower intestines.
You sure you don’t like guys just a little bit?
All the time. It’s pretty freaking awful. Sorry you had to deal with that situation though, it’s gross no matter how many times it happens to you in life.
Yeah, and it works in both directions. I don’t know if everyone responds to it, but for a lot of us, the “forbidden fruit” or “thrill of the chase” heightens perceived attractiveness. I know some people hate it, but I like a little tension like that.
Wait, so because she doesn’t want to fuck this particular guy on the first date, you’re assuming she’s looking for a “no sex until marriage” situation?
It wasn’t traumatizing or anything, but it was creepy as fuck. Luckily, I didn’t feel physically threatened by the guy, so that made a big difference. I really should have been out of there much earlier, especially as he was buying me Long Islands, telling me I was a “handsome man” and offering to give me a massage (I made an off-hand remark about my legs being sore from running.) Yeah, shoulda picked up on those cues and made my exit earlier. Eh. I was 19. I just thought he was being harmless and playful. At any rate, I have a little more empathy for what women are talking about when they talk about this subject.