Yeah, that’s the typical response from my male friends when they hear this story, most usually being more like “I would’ve punched the fucking guy out.” But he wasn’t threatening. Just didn’t have boundaries. And I was 19 and the situation was playing out more as an “interesting/funny story” in my head at the time, so I was more patient with my approach to him than I should have/would have been today. In retrospect, I should have been out of there. I now see that a lot of what I had been doing (accepting his drinks and compliments, while brushing them off, walking back to the bus stop with him past his house) might get interpreted as “being a tease.”
So, what made you change your mind after you invited him up to your apartment?
Every guy on the planet knows what this invitation is short hand for, all protestations aside. He held his ground as long as he could because of the mixed message.
The clear message should have been, “Stand here in the rain until a cab or police cruiser drives by because you are NOT coming up to my place! Feel free to freeze to death.” That is a clear message, you not only left the door open, but invited him in.
He knows he has three strikes and you walked him to first base.
“It is difficult to understand what a woman wants.”
That is all I want on my tombstone. I believe these were Gandhi’s last words.
You know, this is part of the problem. There is a difference between “playing hard to get” and saying no. Unfortunately a lot of guys have rationalized that when a woman is saying no, she is “playing hard to get” which is just a sly way of saying “not right now but keep trying and soon I’ll say yes”.
I’m pretty sure they were making a joke about when people tell women, “Oh, c’mon, you know you liked it! You were flattered! You were practically asking for it!”
Oh, sorry. Yes, they did say it in a jocular manner. Left that out. Some were serious about punching the guy out, though. (And probably rightfully so.)
Huh. I’d have disagreed with the premise that every guy on the planet is a complete dumbass, but since you’re speaking for all of them I’ll take you at your word. I’m certain that MOL would have offered me the same courtesy if we’d spent the evening chatting and closing the bar down, and since I’m female I certainly wouldn’t have expected her to service me. I guess that makes all women on the planet rational, logical, infinitely wise and socially hip.
Is there any point in reality where people will start actually, you know, *listening and following cues *rather than relying on Hollywood to dictate their actions?
It does work sometimes and that’s why guys do it. Some women send mixed signals so they can take some of the “blame” off themselves if they do sleep with the guy. Not saying MOL was doing that. She clearly wasn’t interested and was just being nice.
I’m not saying that at all. It’s not her fault that this guy tried to touch her and kiss her and act completely inappropriately; not at all. But considering the context, she should have anticipated some mixing of signals when inviting a man up to her place at night after a date. Lots of men will ignore any and all red lights and focus on any possible glimmer of hope and interpret that as a clear signal that they are “good to go”.
I’m going to take a wild guess that there may have been some alcohol involved in this scenario. Can we really expect a red blooded male, late at night, in the warm apartment of a known temptress, with booze coursing through his veins, to not at least make an attempt at reaching the promised land? I’m not excusing the guy’s actions but if he hadn’t at least taken a shot I would be required by section 34.6e of the man’s guidebook to rib him without mercy any time MOL’s name was ever mentioned in the future. Forever. It’s the law.
Plus, MOL should have called the cab before the door was even closed.
I can say from experience this goes both ways. On a first date recently, I got invited to her apartment. She wants to show me some artwork in her bedroom. There are already candles burning in there. She sits on the bed, then kind of stretch/lays sideways on the bed while making serious eye contact.
Clear signs right? I try for a kiss and get reprimanded for being presumptuous and I was only allowed up there for the stated reason. So I leave.
And then the next day, I get an e-mail thanking me for not being a player and for not trying to sleep with her on the first date.
It is the game players who make dating such a battlefield. But I am now hardened enough to not accept any invitations to anyone’s dwelling on a first date for any reason.
You may call yourself a MeanOldLady but I’m not seeing it here, to be honest.
I would have phoned that cab for him with my keys still in my hand and my coat still on whilst he waited in the hall. I must be a much meaner old lady than I thought!
*Signals * include twirling hair, holding eye contact, smiling, touching, and displaying body language that indicates an interest in getting physically closer to another person. The word "no or stating that sex is not going to happen is not a “signal”; it’s a fact that shouldn’t be tested.
