Bartenders supposedly hear all sorts of wacky stuff from their customers. Doper bartenders, please share your best stories here.
I had a pair of really poor, really drunk girls in the bar one night that kept offering to show me their breasts in exchange for free shots. Every guy at the bar was howling for me to agree, but I wouldn’t. They definitely didn’t need any more booze in them anyway. Their offers kept increasing in graphic sexual nature until they reached the point that they were embarrassing ME and I regretfully had to ask them to leave. It is very difficult to do the right thing sometimes.
We had an interesting period of about 3 days when a guy that was staying at the Salvation Army would spend all day hanging out at the bar and calling and harassing his (assuming) ex-wife from our pay phone. He would just scream obscenities at her and then plead for forgiveness, eventually the police showed up and took him away.
There was a woman that I think was a professor at the college that would come in every weekday with a book during the lunch rush and ask 'What’s the soup?" and then invariably say “No thanks, I’ll just have a glass of water” and then she would sit and read her book. In the 2 years that I worked at this bar she never bought anything. So one day she asked “What’s the soup today?” and I replied “I will make whatever type of soup you want. Just tell me what kind of soup you like and I will whip it up from scratch right now” and she gave me a weird look and went and talked with the owner. He called me in the back and said “Why are you being so rude? She is a good customer!” and I said" She has never spent a dime here! She just takes up space at your bar every day!", he had never noticed that all she ever had was water! So he went and asked her what kind of soup she liked and we would put it in the rotation and she got huffy and stormed out. Never saw her again.
Had a gal that was celebrating her 30th birthday with a couple of friends, she was getting pretty plowed and was talking with a guy that was really giving me the creeps and she was ignoring her friends. At one point I even pulled one of her friends aside and said “I don’t know that guy but he is giving me a weird vibe and I think you should get your friend away from him.” Well her friends just left her with this guy at the bar and then they left the bar about 3 minutes apart. 2 days later the cops showed up and started asking about the woman. Turns out this guy took her to a mobile home in the middle of nowhere and raped her, stole her clothes and imprisoned her there. I was able to give them a good description and point the guy out on our surveillance tape when he left the bar. The woman ended up escaping and the guy got caught. That really taught me to trust my instincts about people, I wish I could have kept that gal from going with that guy, but really I probably did all I could do.
Paging Audrey Levins …
IANABartender, but do you know what the drink is called that is vodca, orange juice and Milk of Magnesia?
A Phillips Screwdriver
And, fellow walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Y’know, all lawyers are assholes.”
Guy at the end of the bar pipes up with, “Hey, I resent that!”
“Why,” asked the bartender, “are you a lawyer?”
“No,” he replied, “I’m an asshole.”
This is the quite safe for work blog of a stripper. Not quite a bartender, but similar stories, with more leering.
No soup for her!