Help me out, ladies: Did I just get hit on?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I think a coworker made a pass at me tonight, but I’ve kind of been “out of circulation” for a while and so I’m just not sure.

I’m the dishwasher at the city convention center Lame job, I know, especially at my age and after having been a cook for 23 years, but I’m actually making more money than I did at my last few cooking jobs, and I’ve got health insurance and a 401k, which I’ve never had before.

Anyhow, we had an event going on tonight, so I was in the dishpit (that’s dish pit, not dipshit) stacking the plates I’d just washed. The chef had just gone home, so I was alone in the kitchen. The on-duty bartender approached and asked me, “Hey, what do you usually drink when you go out?” Her question came out of left field and caught me a bit off-guard, since I’ve never really spoken with her before, other than exchanging greetings. I actually quit drinking 12 years ago so I told her, “Soda, O’Doul’s Amber (non-alcoholic beer) once in a while.”

She turned and left, and I went back to washing dishes. A few minutes later she came back, carrying a water glass filled with beer. She said, “You might want to check this glass. I think it has lipstick on it.” She set the glass on the dish machine, in a spot where it would be hidden from the casual observer, and left again.

I was completely baffled. Was I supposed to drink it? I assume the glass contained O’Doul’s Amber, but I went ahead and just poured it out (after she left the room). Non-alcoholic or not, I wasn’t going to be seen sipping a beer on the job. I wondered if she would have brought me a glass of scotch and water if I had told her that was my usual drink. I felt a bit guilty about dumping the beer, because I assume she paid for it — all the beer we serve is bottled, and the bartenders have to account for every bottle. Had she simply brought me some random drink, I would have assumed that it was something she had poured by mistake. But no, she came back first and asked me what I liked.

So I came up with two possibilities: either she was making a pass at me, or somebody for some reason was trying to set me up. I’ll just dismiss the second possibility, as I’m reasonably well-liked by my coworkers. I don’t think I’ve made any enemies at work, in any case :wink:

This bartender is one of the few women at work who appears to be close to my age (I’m 40, and most of my female coworkers are either under 30 or over 50). I had been under the impression that this woman was married, but I could easily be wrong about that. She seems nice enough, though I’ll admit that I don’t find her physically appealing. She’s not unattractive; she’s just not “my type” physically. Erm, okay, she’s a head taller than me (I’m 5’ 8"), and I’m already intimidated by women enough as it is (my “self-confidence” is seriously underdeveloped :frowning: )

I can’t really ask around at work to find out if she has given any indication that she’s interested in me, as I’d end up having to explain why I was asking, and I don’t want to get her in trouble over the beer. And I don’t want to feed the rumor mill, either. I know that if I say something to one person, everybody will know by the end of the day.

So I’m asking the ladies of the SDMB: do you think she was making a pass at me? It seems like an awfully strange way to go about it …

2

Honestly, I think she was telling you that you didn’t wash the lipstick off the glass.

3

There was no lipstick on the glass. And beer is not served to customers in a water glass. And it would have been easier to show me the lipstick (had there been any) if the glass was not filled with ice-cold beer with a 1/2" head on it. And there would be no need for her to come into the dishpit to show me a dirty glass, when it would be far more convenient for her to hand me the glass across the counter like everybody else does. And had the glass simply needed cleaning, she would have set the glass on the counter, not hidden it on top of the dish machine where nobody would see it.

She was definitely serving me a cold brewski.

4

I honestly don’t think so (sorry to burst your bubble). It just sounds to me like she was doing a nice thing.

5

It sounds to me like she likes you. Whether that is just in a friend context, or romantic, I have no idea.

6

I don’t think it was a pass (I’m breaking the rules, I’m a guy). I think she just wanted to be nice, help out the guy in the kitchen. You were in there all alone, just finished washing dishes at the end of the night, she probably figured you’d really appreciate a nice cold beer. The lipstick comment was just a cover in case anyone saw her handing you a glass filled with beer- like hint hint- say dishwasher, I think there’s lipstick on this glass, you better clean it, you know, after the beer’s gone, wink wink.

7

Yeah, I’d read it as a friendly gesture, not a romantic/sexual one.

Nothing wrong with making new friends, though.

8

IME, that’s fairly typical barstaff behavior. They’ll spot you a drink to be friendly, or if you look like you need a break, etc. Left alone in the kitchen to finish dishes? Yeah, that guy could use a beer.

The “lipstick on the glass” was, indeed, a cover story.

Probably just being friendly. If she had more in mind, she’ll let you know.

9

I’d say friendly gesture.

10

From my experience, that’s a pretty common thing. I worked as a bartender in a restaurant. Occasionally, when we had an especially busy night, the bartenders, wait staff, cooks, and dishwashers would all have a drink or two while we were cleaning up. This was after the restaurant was closed. The owner didn’t have a problem with it as long as we kept it in moderation.

It sounds like you wash the dishes for the bar as well as the restaurant (some bartenders wash their own glasses). It seems to me she appreciated your work that night and was her way of saying thanks. I wouldn’t look at it as any more than a friendly gesture.

11

I agree - just being friendish and nice - not making a pass.

12

I also think she was just being friendly. Sounds like a good deal though.

I wish the librarians would bring me a beer while I’m studying…

13

You never know, it could have been a pass. Didn’t Dirk Diggler get his start as a dishwasher? That came with a few fringe benefits.

Seriously, I think she’s probably a nice person that’s thanking you for your hard work. That’s not to say she she couldn’t be interested in you too. Why not?

14

Friendly gesture or pass? Hmmmm. It could go either way. I could see it as a pass, since I picked my husband up at work after we’d known each other for a while.

Maybe she wants to get to know you better and is testing the waters. Maybe she just wants to make a new friend, especially if you are the only person close to her age at work. Maybe she needs a work husband!

The main problem I have is that you drink O’Douls. If you like NA beer, you should try Kaliber. It’s hard to find, but according to mr.stretch, it’s worth it.

15

No arrows from me, mate. Sorry, I think she was just being nice.

16

This is the convention center, rather than a restaurant. We’re all actually employed by the fancy hotel across the street, which has a contract with the city to cater all events at the convention center. The bar is actually several small portable bars that can be moved to whichever rooms they’re needed in. There are thousands of glasses (1,100+ water glasses alone; hundreds of cocktail and wine glasses of different styles), all or most of which I have washed before the bartender ever shows up, and which I usually don’t wash again until the end of the night after the bartender has gone home (or in the case of last night’s glasses, I’ll wash them today, because the waitstaff hadn’t brought them back to me before I left last night. I love flex time :wink: ) So it’s not a situation where I keep the bartenders stocked with clean glassware thoughout the night.

Who is Dirk Diggler? In the computer game Diablo II, there is a unique weapon called “The Diggler”. The weapon happens to be a dirk …

I’ll watch and see what happens next. Ya never know!

I think I’ve heard of that (maybe seen it in the grocery store). I’ve never seen it in a bar around here, and I don’t actually go out to bars often enough to get one to keep something special in stock for me.
Anyway, this looks like a “wait and see” kind of thing, so … I’ll wait and see. Thanks for the comments!

17

umm…why wait passively?
Why not take a little initiative? Ya don’t have to ask her out for a hot date. Just tell her thanks for the beer, it really cheered you up when you were tired at the the end of the day, and it’s always nice to know there’s somebody thinking of that poor guy back in the dish pit. Let her know you genuinely felt good about her attention.

18

I think I’d find an opportunity to casually mention that you appreciated the gesture and explain that you had to pour it out because you didn’t want anyone to think you were drinking on the job. You should get a clue from her response as to what her motive was. Maybe even ask her to join you for coffee or something, if her response seems encouraging.
It could have been random kindness, or a mild flirtation. Time will tell, but if you don’t talk to her, and she was flirting, she might think she made a mistake and if it was just a kindness she will appreciate the thanks.

19

From the movie Boogie Nights. Dirk Diggler was was the characters porn name. He was “discovered” while washing dishes. People used to pay him $5.00 just to see it. :slight_smile: