It’s inevitable, I suppose. It just seems so sudden. In some ways, he was the perfect man for me: he laughs at my jokes and makes me laugh; he understands the demands of my job, and doesn’t complain; he pokes fun at me when I am grumpy, insane, or demanding. He is the voice of reason in my day. (He says, “you can take all that crazy in your head and dump it on me.”) When things are going poorly, I can go talk to him, and he listens. He tells me when I’m wrong, and I value his opinion.
There is, of course, another woman. His wife. And for her, he’s willing to quit his job and try something new. Dammit. Where am I going to find another work-husband?
Yes, I know how you feel. I had a work wife once. She was in every way perfect for me. We ate lunch together all the time, worked out after work, sent each other goofy emails to keep us sane, etc. Then one day I got another job offer that was too good to refuse. At that point I realized the only reason I was still at that crappy job was because of her and with a heavy heart we “broke-up” and I moved on to my new job.
I should have stayed. The new job pays more now but I have no new work wife. Work spouses are worth their weight in gold. What would we do without them?
Waitaminute. Is he your husband or someone else’s? Or both?
I don’t mean to demean you, or make light of your situation. I can only imagine the heartache and loss of support that this event brings you. I hope you get things worked out.
I had toiled for 4 years under possibly the most inept pair of property managers in the world, when they both left within weeks of each other. One of the new people was K. Instantly we hit it off, she respected my knowledge, she got my weird sense of humor, I liked that she let me do my job, and she gave me some good fresh ideas for how to make it better. We’d sit in the conference room in the office eating lunch together, both reading the newspaper and making funny commentary on the news to each other.
Then, 2 months after she arrived, I got the job offer I couldn’t refuse.
My husband has a day-wife, who is a man. Non gay, either of them.
Day wife deals with the hilarity that is my husband from 5am-5pm. I get the swing shift and laundry detail.
My husband also has a Man-Bride, one of our best friends, a builder, who when you get the two of them together they are like an old married couple in perfect sympatico ( except for his Man-Bride hates sports and politics, like me.) but they talk dirty talk ( construction or cars) all the time.
Both of these guys are vital in what I call " Tire Mr. Ujest out for me wouldja" because he runs on all 12 cylinders flat out and is like a border collie with his laser like focus.
Campion is talking about the phenomenon that occurs when someone of the opposite sex that you work with becomes your “work spouse”. You eat together, share things with them, perhaps even flirt, but usually it doesn’t go beyond that (of course, not always…).
It’s basically a surrogate for your genuine spouse to help you get through a job that you might otherwise find difficult to enjoy.
A co-worker and I (we shared an office/cubicle) were co-managers of a team of tech support agents; we were less “husband-wife” than “brother-sister.” In many ways, Cindy was the younger sister I never had – bratty, self-centered and spoiled; also funny, smart and knowledgable. We went through a lot of crap together, watched each other’s backs, celebrated each other’s birthdays, became good friends with each other’s spouses, all that. We adored each other; when we see each other now (usually at the local big box store) we hug and talk about how we miss each other.
Sometimes it can go awry. I had what I thought was a “work-wife” for a couple of years. I left the job, and shortly afterwards she took a voluntary transfer to Scandinavia. Years later she mailed me out of the blue to say that she’d been in love with me and her transfer was because she was so depressed after I left the job. Rather uncomfortable really.
I had a work-wife once–an office confidante with whom I shared my shoulder shrugging, sarcastic comments and oh-so-wry verbal notes about office politics. She and her husband went out to dinner with me and a woman I was dating at the time; I even went to their house for dinner one weekend night (meeting their kids, playing with their dog and listening to her husband go on about a George Caleb Bingham print he had framed and spotlighted in the living room).
Eventually, though, our marriage soured. She was an emotional nightmare one week and turned into a viper–even to those of us with whom she had been friends. After that, convinced office friendships were not what I wanted, I divorced and then ignored her. Politely, mind you, but all overtures of renewed friendship were brushed aside. Which, unfortunately for her, made her all the more upset; she went into full nutty mode and I, well… I just went home at the end of the day. (That’s all I wanted: do my job well during the day and then head home for some peace and quiet afterward. That was before I met my real wife. )
I left that job almost two years ago, and I hear from some of my former co-workers that she still mentions me nearly every day. It’s almost as if I have an office stalker–except the stalking never leaves her office. Weird.
Oh, is that what it’s called? I have a work-husband, and have for the past nine years. He actually does honey-dos for me at home too (which is only fair, since he’s also my landlord.)
His actual wife and I get along fine, and we all socialize. We went dune camping just two weekends ago. But that article totally calls it; we have in-jokes and history that he and his wife just don’t have. Totally platonic (I keep it that way; I know damn well he’d run with it if I didn’t.)
Actually we’re business partners and the business is our baby. Sometimes I hate him so much…but we stay together for the baby
I do have to take care of him like a wife. I used to pay his bills along with the company bills (from his checkbook) and “nag” him about stuff. He treats me more like a sister which is great. Now he’s married and we still fight like husband and wife. And we have a third person in the organization. Sort of our disappointing older child that we have to disipline together and shake our heads in shame over.
No offense, but s’what ya get working on the Dark Side like that. It destroys people’s souls. Jump the fence, and come join the side of Light. Either hang a shingle doing plaintiff’s work/crim defense, or better yet, hook up with a legal aid group. You don’t have to stay a part of the Collective. Won’t have to worry about billable hours. Won’t make nearly as much money, and forget about perks or prestige, but once in awhile you get to help someone that both needs and deserves it.
You might even meet a charming, long haired non-conformist hippie dude to commiserate with about the downers on our side of the bar…
Exactly. Since he owns the house and all, things like fixing the swamp cooler and painting are all on him. We tease him that he has two wives. (Without the benefits of two wives, of course!)
Yeah, I go me a work wife. She got knocked up by her married husband though and will be leaving me. I was actually a bit jealous when I found out–struck me as odd that she and her guy should have made a baby.
I have a man-bride as well. We hooked up in college. One day we were hanging some drywall in a remodel home we were working on. He was wrestling with a full sheet, holding it up with one hand and screwing it to the studs with the other. Out of the blue I said, from very close behind him, “You know? I really wouldn’t like to butt-fuck you.” That sheet of drywall had to be discarded.
I had a work-wife that transferred into very good friend outside of work. She eventually left the company and I eventually left the company but if a day goes by that I don’t email her a “good morning” email around 7:45ish, she gets very disappointed. It’s our little way of making sure that we’re always in touch and don’t just drift away because we don’t work together anymore and it’s hard to get together due to schedules.
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