I’ve become a regular at a certain bar for the last two months.
This girl stared at me for a few moments, the first time I arrived. I don’t know why, she could’ve been checking me out or could’ve just noticed that I was a new patron.
I know it is part of a bartender’s job to be nice and make small talk to patrons…I cannot put my finger on how, but she seems to be a little more nice to me compared to the other bartenders. Her friendliness is increasing, it has went from conversations about the weather to her making playful jabs and giving compliments. But, she’s nice to every other patron. And, there were a few times I saw her when she wasn’t behind the bar, she semi-ignored me. She didn’t go out of her way to speak to me, and barely made eye-contact. Well, neither did I, she makes me nervous, and I just shy away.
So it’s hard to tell…
Last weekend I just decided that she wasn’t interested in me…then I swinged by last Tuesday. There’s another bar the next town over, we happened to be there at the same time one night week before last, but we didn’t talk to each other or anything. She said she saw me, and asked how did I like it. I told her that I liked it there, then she said to come by Wednesday because she’ll be bartending that night. So, I came by that bar last Wednesday. She seemed to enjoy my company, and asked me “why?” when I told her I had to go home.
Well, it is now obvious that there is some interest on both sides, I just can tell what kind of interest…platonic or something more. Personally, with me being single and if I were a bartender, I would not invite a single woman to come to another bar the same night I bartend, unless I was intersted in her. But, that’s just me…I guess.
With her overall behavior, does it seem like I have a chance with this girl?
You won’t know until you actually try to hang out with her when she’s not at the bar. You said she ignored you, but how much did you try to talk to her? From what you’ve posted it sounds like she’s just trying to attract your business, but ISTM that you’ve got one shot to find out.
You’re a paying (and more importantly, tipping) customer. That’s why she wants you around.
Sorry if that’s cynical but it’s what I’d be thinking if I were in your shoes. Her ignoring you while not on the clock is proof enough that she has no legitimate interest.
If you think she is interested in you romantically, ask for her number. Normally I leave the staff alone, as we already have a relationship , server and customer. In this case I dont think you have anything to lose by being a bit more proactive and worst that happens is that she rebuffs you.
Sorry man, she asked you to come by because she makes money by having customers. It’s like if you went to a strip club on a Tuesday night, and one of the dancers asked you to come again on Friday. She ain’t saying that because she “likes” you. At best, maybe as far as her regular customers go you’re one that she prefers, but that by no means indicates she wants to see you outside of work.
The thing is that I don’t buy a lot when I swing by. One drink only per visit, sometimes that drink is alcoholic, sometimes that drink is soda, a few times…water. She makes very little money from me. Point taken though.
Wait, 2 months? What’s the closest you’ve been with this girl? Have the 2 of you ever been alone together at any moment? What’s the most amount of physical contact you’ve made with her? How much do you know about her personal life and interests? Have you ever made it blatantly known you’re interested in her on a different level?
At this point, assuming you know very little about her personal life and have made minimal contact with her, she may very well think you’re just some friendly person, and enjoys talking to you to take a load off from the others, and likes knowing that you’re not some typical patron who wants to take her home at night, like most patrons would like to do with most cute bartenders.
It’s generally kinda lame to hit on the bartenders, but nobody’s going to think you’re a total creep if you casually ask for her number. Then you’ll know for sure.
There’s only one way to know for sure dude, and you know it. You can toss it back and forth for a month and never guess until you talk to her.
Unless you don’t want to talk with her. In which case, it doesn’t matter if she likes you or not. Either way, if you want to, ask her out. Take a little liquid courage (another bar preferably) if you need to, but just do it man. The worst that can happen is you don’t go back to that bar. And given how little you claim to drink in public, that’s a vanishing small loss.
Don’t worry. Don’t think. And tell us how it goes.
$1.00 to $1.50, per $4.00 or $3.50 drink. When I drink water I don’t tip at all. I don’t know what I’m doing is appropriate tipping practice or not, I’m kind of new to this bar thing.
I know what her day job is, and where she works (but she shares this with everyone). I know her hobbies. I know where she has lived, and whether she liked it at those places or not. I know some of her recent trips that she has taken. I’m sure there’s more, that she has told me, I can’t remember right now. The only physical contact we made was a fist-bump, when I left the bar last Wednesday. No, I have made it blatently known that I am interested in her on a different level. With the mixed signals I’m receiving I’m scared to approach her that way, I don’t want to make a fool out of myself. However, I don’t want to be like my friend who was in a similar situation, it took them SIX months before one of them made a move!
Yes, I feel it is time to turn up the heat, and see how she reacts. I don’t want to waste anymore time, if she’s interested I would like to start dating soon. If she’s not, time to move on to someone else!
I’ve been warned by some folks about trying to hit on bartenders, servers, and other service people…but it seems to be working for some people that I know. Plus, the majority of the hot and normal girls who are patrons aren’t single and they come there with their partners.
Semi-unrelated question. What’s so bad about looking for girlfriends/boyfriends at a bar? This is where single people tend to flock. I’m not talking about picking up the bartenders this time, but making moves on the patrons.
I know several friends who are against this and I have read many comments on the SDMB and other MB’s discouraging this practice.
continued from my last post, which I missed the editing window
I can try to meet girlfriends through friends, but many of these girls are taken or straight. I have tried online dating, but girls on those sites tend not to be my type. I’m a quiet and bookish girl looking for someone more outgoing and less introspective to bring me out of my shell. On the online dating sites I tend to find other quiet and bookish girls.
I think this isn’t a healthy mindset, to find a partner so that he or she can change you.
As others already said, this girl is not interested in you in a romantic way. But as step one in your process of becoming an extrovert (or at least faking it), there’s only one way to find out. Go for it.
Oh, didn’t realize you were a woman. Well, erm, yeah that adds an extra layer of complication since most people are straight. Is there anything to indicate she’s even interested in women? If you’re going to find a date at a bar, your best bet might be going to a gay bar, since you’ll find a much higher percentage of potential prospects there than anywhere else.
Rule #14 (“Don’t mess with the help,”) applies from customer to server, but if the invitation is in other direction it can be relaxed. Why not just mention to her next time that she seems cool and you two should hang out sometime, and see if she offers a phone number. No harm, no foul.
Why do people hang around bars? To drink and pick up people, of course, so you get a disproportionate number of alcoholics and users. That can be fun, I suppose, if you’re into that kind of drama, but it’s not generally the optimum place to find someone interested in a long term relationship. Of course, one can say the same thing about online dating, churches, et cetera (just replace alcoholic with “creep”, “Jesus freak”, et cetera) so you pay your money and roll the dice wherever you go. It’s better than picking up people at work or next door; at least if they turn out to be a total fuckup you don’t have to see them again.
Introvert turning extrovert here. If you want to get out of your shell you need to do it yourself. Watch people who are natural extroverts and see how they act. Try and understand how they see things.
The biggest is learning to not be afraid of the sound of your own voice. Speak loud! Don’t take things personal, even your own errors and there ya go.
Diamonds, when you wrote: “I have made it blatently known that I am interested in her on a different level,” the context makes it seem like you meant to insert a “not” in there. So I’m wondering if in your conversations the subject of your sexual orientation has come up, or if you have any specific reason that she is into women. Cuz that might be a deal-breaker if she’s not.
She may like you more than they do. Doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you, just that you’re one of her nicer customers.
Right. That’s a pretty clear sign of what she’s like when she’s ‘off’ i.e. not in work mode.
She said this because she likes you (and your tips), as a customer.
She asked this because she likes you (and your tips), as a customer.
Yep, it’s you. Not someone interested in getting tips from friendly customers. Which describes most bartenders.
No. It just seems, again, that she likes talking to you and flirting with you. Doesn’t mean she’s a jerk or manipulative, but that she enjoys your company… at work. Not sure if this is a gay bar or even if she knows you’re gay (or if you know her orientation), but either way she is likely used to getting hit on each and every day. She may even like you because you haven’t blatantly hit on her or asked her out.
