Some night when it’s slow and she’s not swamped. Ask if you can call her sometime.
Result A: She politely brushes you off and you’re just another customer who asked her out. Don’t be creepy about it and no harm, no fowl. Enjoy your drinks and company at the bar.
Result B: She agrees and you get to enjoy her company outside of business hours.
Speaking as a straight dude, often the problem with picking up someone in a bar is that quite frequently they are never as good looking or interesting as they were during the alchohol enhanced, dimly lit, fun charged night when you met them.
Also, when you pick up someone in a bar, it begs the question of how often and how much time they spend in a bar getting drunk and trying to get picked up.
No. She does not like you in any sort of romantic way. At all. If she was, she would have come over and said hi at this time. She didn’t. And if she had any inkling of possibly liking you, it probably went out the window when you didn’t approach her in a non-work environment.
I don’t know the ins and outs of lesbian courting, so I’m just going to give the take I’d give as a straight guy in the same situation.
The main theme I’m getting is that she’s really only showing you interest and attention while she’s working and you’re a customer. The fact that she suggested a time to go to the other bar waswhen she was working would be neon sign to me that she saw me as just a customer. She might genuinely like your company, but, as a rule, if she wanted to take it further, I think she would suggest something outside of work, especially if, as you’ve indicated, you’ve already made your own interest clear.
The only way to remove all doubt is to straight up ask her out, though. Maybe she’s just shy. If you get shot down, you get shot down. Oh well. It happens to all of us.
I stopped by tonight, and she COMPLETELY ignored me, a stark contrast to the attn she gave me last week. So much that when I laid my tip money down, it sat there for like a half an hour before picking it up. She somehow picked it up, when I wasn’t looking, because I turned around once and the tip was gone.
For those asking, yes this is a lesbian bar…I’ve been a regular at this place for the last 3 months and have received minimal attention from girls. The little attention I do receive are from friendly girls like she (was) or flirts who only approach me because they want attention.
This is all so bizarre. I can go to a straight bar and have no trouble getting attention from men. And the attention is more genuine, they ask me for my number before the night is over or whatever. Not shower me with attention, and then completely ignore me like the women at this bar. I will recieve more attention by men at a straight bar for 3 hours than what I recieve here for 3 months, and I’m not exaggerating. I have no idea what I am doing wrong. Or, is it them? Maybe I should try another lesbian bar though I don’t like the other ones.
While likely, that’s not necessarily true. I (for instance) can easily talk to people if I have a reason (I can be pretty outgoing during a group project), but if I have no reason to talk to someone it takes all my courage to even approach someone I know is my friend. I mean, I’ve occasionally avoided people I LIKE because I couldn’t think of a way to initiate a conversation with them and thought that they would think I didn’t like them if they saw me hanging around near them but ignoring them, so I would try to make myself invisible to them so they wouldn’t get the wrong idea (no, this makes no sense to me either, I’m working on it). I have it on good faith that forcing someone to play matchmaker for two social introverts was one of the most grievous, awe inspiring, and deplorable torture methods used in Gitmo.
Obviously this probably isn’t the case here, I just want to point out this your analysis isn’t NECESSARILY true.
Exactly my thoughts. It’s her work to make you feel at home and willing to tip when you’re in her bar. It’s also normal of her to suggest that you drop by her bar.
Typical bartender shtick. One of my son’s longtime friends is an amazing bartender, and a lot of the guys think she’s interested.
Maybe try picking up on some of the girls there rather than hoping one comes to you? If you’re waiting for a man to come in and hit on you, obviously that’s not going to work in a lesbian bar. You need to be the ‘man’ if you want anything like a guarantee of getting a bite.
Have you been out long? Not sure what city you’re in, but while lesbian hook-ups do happen at lesbian bars, in my (and friends’) experience there’s rarely the ‘I’ll fuck anything that moves!’ vibe so frequently found and straight and gay guy bars (gay-friendly straight bars are great, though, unless you get frustrated by ‘barsexuals’). This is one case where the old ‘Try meeting people at a social club or sports team’ advice is really valid – lesbian sports teams, roller derby, vegan cookery classes, stitch and bitch… okay I’ll stop before I completely resort to stereotypes.
That’s because men are idiots, and hit on anything in a skirt. Guys ask my number before even bothering with such formalities as, say, my name. It’s ridiculous, and gets annoying. Fortunately, I am often with my husband, who is 6’2" and scares the shit out of people. To answer you question about what’s wrong with meeting people at bars, nothing. Some people seem to have this idea that bar patrons consist solely of skanks and horn dogs and any relationship that comes of a bar meeting can never be serious. These people either watch too many movies, or need to go to a different bar. There a plenty of regular, neighborhood bars where people show up to have a drink and a chat. There’s no dancing, there are no newly-minted 21 year olds throwing up outside, and nobody inside even knows what Axe Body Spray is. Pretty easy to meet normal people and have normal conversations in places like these.
Heck, I met my husband and several of my good friends in bars, not in some kind of on-the-prowl manner, but in the same manner I’ve befriended everyone else. Work, school, bars - you see the same people, converse, and may learn that some of these people, you actually like. Friendship, tada!
And of course, if you are just looking for a hook up from the bar, that should be simple enough.
I’m thinking that it might be wise to share some examples of what it might be like if this bartender did like Diamonds02, so that she has something to compare her experiences to. I would throw in my own $/50, but I’m not a lesbian, and I’ve never really had much luck with bartenders either.
The only other thing that I would add is that signs of interest (or not) are signs and you ignore them at your peril, but, all the same, feelings can exist without them.