I don’t want to bother others with my noise, and also don’t want to be bothered by other people’s noise. I’ve experienced both where I am now.
From what you’ve posted here, you weren’t.
My landlord has complained about my clarinet playing, my typing, my walking on the floor, my coughing, my reaction to the doorbell, my hammering together furniture very briefly once at a reasonable hour, my occasional accidentally dropping things, and my being awake at night.
This building is very not-soundproof.
Yes, but I think we’re all in agreement that calling your landlord a jackass is an insult to jackasses everywhere.
I don’t know what the doorbell reaction was, but everything else you mention is PART OF BEING ALIVE and this moron clearly should not have people living in the same building as he is. Basically, he wants to rent to dead people only (and then he’d complain about the smell).
Emily, all of those things are normal (even the doorbell reaction). You should be able to do all the things you mentioned whenever and as much as you want in your home. Perhaps the live clarinet playing not between 10pm-7am is the most should be asked of you. Playing music (like a stereo) at a reasonable volume is also always ok.
In a first floor apt. I lived in Boston many years ago I lived under a woman who was studying bassoon at the NE Conservatory of Music. On the third floor was a master percussionist studying at the Berklee School of Music. It was heavenly. I think I was a disappointment to them. All I had was cats.
The thing is, I don’t like it when the neighbours blast their stereo (they’re probably not even playing it very loud, just that this building isn’t soundproof.)
I used to live with a roommate who would practice singing. It was beautiful.
Intense sensitivity to noise is one of the hallmarks of autism, so it seems to me that a quiet place where there’s little or no noise coming in is a necessity, not merely a preference. The clarinet playing could be a bit of an issue (Quiet hours policies don’t mean tenants can be as loud as they want at other times.), but that could be worked out later.
EmilyG, have you considered a Housing Wanted ad? There must be landlords who’d be happy to find a tenant who’s orderly, keeps to herself, pays rent on time, and is looking for a quiet apartment. Furthermore, you could surely supply references from previous landlords, roommates, or even visitors. Just a suggestion.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but what I’m seeing is that you’ve simply decided that you going to do this completely on your own or not at all.
You’re showing some unwilling to compromise on much of anything, even in the short term. You shouldn’t have to, and you’ve been through a lot, but I worry that this is going to get you to a place you can’t get out of.
If the patronizing puzzle-piece people can get a Cease and Desist letter to your landlord, isn’t that worth it? You don’t have to agree with them to let them work for you.
If you have to live in a room in a house for three months while you look around, how is that worse than what you have now? Sure, it would be bad, but sometimes “less bad” is a stage you need to go through.
There are too many problems at once to be able to solve the whole package: prioritize them, and if that’s beyond you, find help who can and let them help, even if the help is far from ideal.
With all due respect, I don’t know if you know much about me or my situation.
I know it sounds like I’m too exacting, but I can have a lot of problems living with other people (and them with me.) I don’t like other people’s noise, and the landlord doesn’t like mine, in this apartment building where people live in different units - these and other problems would just be amplified if I were to live in another person’s space. I also like my privacy.
In my life in general, I often do end up having to do a lot of things myself. I do have friends helping me try to find housing, and with things in general.
I have had problems with being very badly treated by autism workers before (though I’ve also gotten good ones.) Anyway, it’s often a year or two on a waiting list before you even get services.
And in the housing situation, I know it seems like I’m too demanding or fussy, but there are some things that others wouldn’t mind, that are dealbreakers for me.
(Just to clarify - the landlord is not actually evicting me, it was me who wanted to leave. Not that that makes the situation a whole lot better.)
Do you get a security deposit back at the end of the lease? I ask because that money may prove useful if you are paying for the cost of a new rental. It also might be a point of contention if your current landlord intends to make a fuss about the condition of the place you are leaving.
I worked for Virginia’s DBHDS which was the state agency responsible for helping people with mental health, development disability, intellectual disability and substance abuse disorders. I worked in the central office primarily grant writing and dealing with helping to route Federal money appropriately to the right programs, and have zero practice or client-facing experience. But I do have enough experience in that environment to know that you need help, it sounds like you are getting some, but not enough. I really hope you are able to find your way to someone who can help you because this is a classic situation where you need help from someone who can navigate some of this for you.
All that being said your OP asked about how to survive as a homeless person and while I haven’t been homeless I’ve worked with the homeless quite a bit and I can give some information here:
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You need to investigate where in your city you can bathe/clean yourself, and other necessary personal care that will be hard to do on the street. Your life as a homeless person is much easier if you are clean and well groomed, the more disheveled and unkempt you look the worse people will treat you, from business owners to police to people on the street.
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You need to make sure you have a good backpack/rucksack, something to carry your important stuff in. Can you ride a bike? A bike can be very useful for hauling things and mobility, if you can use a bike try to find one, anyone, and a bike lock.
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You live in Canada where you can actually die from exposure to the elements. You need to see if you can get a sleeping bag rated for low temperatures and at least one set of really serious outdoor clothing for cold weather.
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You need to see if you can get your hands on some pepper spray or other form of self defense. As a homeless person your risk of serious physical or sexual assault goes up immensely when compared to a non-homeless person.
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If you have a lot of stuff you don’t want to lose, but you can’t easily carry with you every single day, look into whether you can find public lockers for cheap, a friend willing to let you store stuff in their garage, or see if you can afford a storage unit. There’s nowhere that’s really safe to “stash” your valuable on the street, if you aren’t carrying it with you it will likely be stolen or destroyed.
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Most large cities have areas where homeless congregate. These areas sometimes have a sort of community environment with other homeless people that will help you. But these are complex social environments and not easy to navigate, and giving offense to the wrong person could result in assault or being ostracized. So take caution before going around these areas if you do not believe you can socialize with these people.
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Get to know the nearest library, bus/train station, Starbucks etc. These are places you can generally hang out during the day without being hassled by police or a business owner.
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If you’re comfortable sleeping in the woods research the local area for places where you can do this legally. Unfortunately near a large city that won’t be easy to find. There are some good ways to “stealth camp” in urban parks, a whole other topic that probably will require you to do a lot of research on your own to figure out.
From reading this thread, I don’t know you but I’m honestly very worried about you. I hope nothing I’ve said about getting by while homeless scares you, but I do think it needs to be understood that many of the things you have indicated are problems in your life, will be far, far worse as a homeless person–as a homeless person you lose the respect of most of society, your privacy, much of your dignity. It is not easy to survive as a homeless person.
Security deposits are illegal in Quebec.
Kind, thoughtful, respectful. Thank you for all your effort. I learned something.
Somewhat random thought but regarding coping with others’ noise (should you wind up in a shared housing arrangement): a good pair of active noise-cancelling headphones can make a HUGE difference.
I splurged on a pair of Bose QuietComfort phones a couple years back - an upcoming plane trip was the excuse, but I wanted to be able to listen to my audiobooks on the Metro train, and they were just the thing. I now use them around the house as I take a lot of work phone calls - and the noise cancelling works so well someone can speak to me from across the room and I will not hear the person speaking.
This is not an inexpensive option - they were about 350, and there are others in that same price range that perform similarly well, per the reviews. But that might be a way for you to tolerate household noises.
If you consider that as an option, go some place and try them on if possible - you would need something that is comfortable enough to wear a good portion of the day. Mine are not lightweight (they are the over-the-ear kind) but are quite comfortable and I can forget I’m wearing them. In-ear ones might be cheaper; I don’t know if they do as good a job - I dislike in-ear phones so never researched them.
I have some. They don’t block out vibrations from people blasting music, and don’t seem to work against the sound of people yakking on their cell phones, but maybe I need to get some more high-end ones, when I can afford it.
Moot now, I hope, since I think I read that you had found a place, but those can vary widely in how well they work. Mine are over-the-ear so there’s a physical barrier, in addition to the active noise cancelling function.
But that’s a bad second choice to finding a place where you don’t NEED the damn things!! Crossing fingers that you’ve found a place you can be happy in (with no asshole landlords or neighbors).
Wait, WHAT? That’s great news.
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(Though EmilyG posted here on the 1st and didn’t mention it. Is it true, Emily?)
I may be misremembering - sorry!!
Emily G, can we have an update?