Any mile high club members? Advice needed.

In My Humble Opinion
1

I am going to visit my parents in Missouri over the upcoming holiday weekend. My new boyfriend is going with me and we’ve discussed joining the “mile-high club”during one of the flight segments. We were wondering if this is even possible in this day and age, with terrorism, etc. Would a flight be escorted to the nearest airport by fighter jets if the flight attendant saw two guys going into the lavatory together? Also, are there any legal ramifications? Would/could we be arrested upon reaching our destination because of “indecent acts”. We were planning on being as discreet as possible, so as not to offend anyone.

Any advice?

Eric

2

I don’t know how the cabin crew would react. I just couldn’t resist opening your thread as MzPullin and I joined that esteemed fraternity in a Bonanza (small plane) that luckily had an autopilot. (We got married a year later). Good luck, hopefully some of the big-iron pilots will join in with some advice (141, where are you?)

Pullin

3

My boyfriend really wanted me to join the club with him. I didn’t really want to and it was cemented by the fact that it’s wildly illegal. Don’t remember how illegal, but it goes into interfering with an aircraft if I remember. Just give him a BJ when you get there.

4

I hold a commercial pilot certificate and am often hired for scenic rides.Last year I was asked by a couple if I could take them up in a small plane so they could join the club. I said no because didn’t know the legalities involved. More importanly, I didn’t want to have to clean the upholstery afterward.

However, I seem to recall reading something about a company that actually markets flights for this purpose. California, I think. (Where else?)

5

Commercial flights are a bit jumpier in this Ugly New World. No matter what your thing, an important rule is that if you’re spotted doing anything unusual, and the crew says anything about it, you stop it immediately. Interferring with or ignoring instructions from the crew can mean the authorities will be awaiting you upon landing. I don’t think there would be an inflight escort/forcedown unless you behaved specially aggressively or suspiciously, but YMMV, that’s up to the crew’s estimation – and yes you could be arrested for indecent acts (requires someone to actually notice said acts and take offense). Best chances are on a late-night flight with few passengers, where there’ll be less possibility of “traffic” at the lavs and half those aboard may be asleep.

6

Could you tell us what you intend to do in the lav? Some ways of joining the club are more real than others!

7

Remember, Cessna pilots:

The gust lock is NOT an autopilot.

8

Can someone explain to me what the allure of this ‘club’ is???

“Hey baby, let’s join the mile high club! By which I mean let’s do it standing up in a cramped and tiny bathroom at 35,000 feet amidst the turbulence!”

:confused: :confused: :confused:

9

Bolding mine.

That, I think, is the appeal. Being able to “do it” while soaring through the sky a at hundreds of miles per hour, thousands of feet above the ground!

At least, that’s my theory. I wouldn’t know myself. :frowning:

10

There was a company in Chicago that actively promoted this - had a bed in the back instead of seats, served champagne, privacy screen between the back and the pilot… flew out of Meigs originally, then moved to Palwaukee for awhile. Have no idea if they’re still in business.

Assuming all involved are consenting adults, I don’t see anything under Part 91 that would prohibit such activities, provided they are done in such a manner as to pose no hazard. Presumably, two people in the back seat and a pilot or two up front in control of the airplane would meet this definition.

Use a dropcloth to protect the upholstery.

But I agree, the airlines are sort of jumpy these days. I am certain, however, that people still manage various sex acts while aloft.

11

A particular problem might come from the OP saying, ‘two guys’. I expect the cabin crew would take great interest - they might be hijackers hatching a plan, after all.

12

Airline pilot here …

Do NOT try the two-guys-in-the-lav thing. Particularly if either of you is under 50 and have dark hair or a good tan.

You will be noticed by some passenger who will mention it to a flight attendant and the (silent) alarms will go off. The best outcome will be that you’ll be profoundly embarrassed in front of an audience of 100. The worst outcome is a day (or more) spent with those nice folks from the FBI & their Brave New PATRIOT Act.

A guy-and-gal in the lav might, just might, get away with it. But two guys is gonna get a rise out of some passenger and then we’re off to the races. Not that the crew is homophobic, rather that once alerted to anything security-related, we’ve gotta go to Red Alert. And the odds of a pax noticing you two is much higher than noticing a hetero couple. With heteros, the witness’es first thought is likely to be sex, followed by maybe something else. With two men, they’ll be thinking security first, sex later if at all.
Now for a lighter story from a lighter era.

Back in the mid 90’s I was flying a late night flight from a midwestern city to the east coast. We left around 930PM Central and would arrive about 1AM Eastern. We had maybe 30 pax on a plane with 140 seats, plus 3 male pilots flying and 4 female Flight Attendants (hereafter FA) working the cabin. It was a sleepy night for all concerned.

About halfway there the intercom rang. It was the aft cabin FA, reporting that she had a 30-ish couple who were pretty drunk when they got on board and they’d had one or two more & were now blotto. Not causing any trouble, but she wanted to make sure the other gals cut them off too.

So far, so normal. This happens probably every other flight to somebody, particularly late at night.

A few minutes later the FA reported they got up together & went into the same lav together. She (the FA) is sitting on her little seat near the rear galley & lavs, reading a magazine. The intercom banter got a bit, shall we say, salacious, at that point.

(In case you wondered, FAs are a jaundiced bunch, and raunchier than a gang of RNs at a convention. They get worse as they get older, and our crew was all 40+)

5 quiet minutes elapse and they emerge, a little rumpled and both looking angry / disappointed. This too is relayed to us up front with suitable snide comments from the 3 other FAs on the phone, plus us three driving. We’re starting to get into the game now.

They go back to their seats, a whole row only a couple of seats away from the FA. The nearest other passengers are three or four rows ahead of them.

Next we hear that they’ve gotten a blanket, placed it over him, and she’s disappeared partly under the blanket. Our intrepid on-scene reporter gives us the blow-by-blow description of the ensuing 10 minutes. Massive hilarity on the intercom. We’re lovin’ it. Anything to break the monotony.

Finally she reports they quit. Apparently he was drunk enough that he was so anesthetized that her best (quite vigorous) efforts were for naught. Oh well.

About then it’s time for us to get to work with descent and landing and all the rest. After we park all 3 of us immediately get out of the cockpit to say good-bye to all the passengers in general, and two (well, one actually) in particular. Funny, but the 3 forward FAs had the same idea. It was a vertiable honor guard of 6 smiling, good-byeing crewfolks as every else deplaned.

Naturally, as they were sitting way at the back, they’re the last ones off, with our intrepid reporter right behind them pointing madly to make sure we all knew who it was; not that we had a doubt in our minds.

She looked the part of a slightly drunk, slightly hung-over porn movie extra, minus the plastic enhancements. Mileage without much to show for it. He was a little smarmy, but otherwise ordinary. Probably managed a Denny’s. Both were natural type-casting at work.

We each gave them our best grins & our cheeriest goodbye’s, and suddenly she realized “Oh SH*T, they KNOW.” Her face was priceless. I can still see it.

They passed the last of us & stepped off the plane onto the jetway. Somebody giggled, and we all lost it. 7 guffawing, pointing, laughing, delirious folks as they hurriedly retreated up the jetway, with her starting what was doubtless a long rant about him embarassing her in public.

Ah, memories … Funny, that’s one of the 3 or 4 specific events I remember from flying the entire 1990s. Shows you how boring, or at least monotonous it can be.
Back to the OP & the present. Nowadays the story wold have taken a very different course the moment they disappeared into the lav together.

Don’t try it; the odds are poor and the reward slight. Do it in the elevator at the hotel instead.

13

On a flight with my girlfriend, a flight attendant came by right after takeoff and I said, “Would you mind telling me when we’re exactly one mile high?” She laughed and came back in a few and said, “I think you’ve hit your mark.” I grabbed my girlfriend and headed back. The flight attendant thought it was hilarious.

14

I joined the club on a red-eye flight to australia. The plane was sparsely filled and there were sufficient lavatories so no one else would be inconvenienced. And the lights in the plane were turned off and most people were sleeping. I don’t think anyone noticed us.

Not something I’d try these days. And having done it once, it’s not something I particularly want to do again. The lavatories are so small there’s barely room to get an erection even if there isn’t someone else in there taking up half the room.

15

A former girlfriend and I joined in the mid '80s. A late-night flight where most people are asleep is the better way to go. No way I’d do it now though.

And, yeah, it is very cramped and uncomfortable. But you do it for the experience. :cool:

16

Bolding mine. Just wanted to let you know you didn’t get away with this pun. :smiley:

17

At that speed, I’m just concentrating on keeping my breakfast down.
I guess I’m not much of a thrill-seeker.

18

I’d say your best bet is on a late night flight with at least a couple rows to yourself. Fuck the bathroom, do it right there in the seats. Cover yourselves with a blanket or two and have her (or in your case him) sit on your lap. Slouch way down in your seat so it looks like her/him is alone to anyone that looks your way. The one on top can be the lookout and you should have ample time to make it look like you were switching seats if someone starts coming your way. Skirts and or sweatpants would be good attire for this.

I’m not in the club but as you can see it’s not from lack of planning :). I’ve had a couple different girls that wanted to join but we always somehow end up on a crowded daytime flight :frowning: .

19

I always tell that story that way; “play-by-play” also works, but not nearly as well. I sure hoped somebody’d notice. :wink:

20

Wouldn’t it be kinda hard to get into the mood, or once arroused, to stay that way, if you had to be constantly looking out to make sure someone isn’t watching? (I almost wrote “someone isn’t coming,” then I realized what that implied!)