'Cause I’m buying today. Fabulous wealth, unspeakable luxuries, and infinitely lovely succubues (or incubuses, for the ladies and gay men) are yours if you sign on the dotted line–and, lets be honest, most of y’all are going to Hell anyway. 
Any takers? I’m in a deal-making mood.
Lawyer, sorry.
Checking our records, I see that your soul is, in fact, not on the books. One of our subsidiaries acquired it some ten years back, but it was bundled with a few others, and then the entire package purchased by Beelzebub for reasons of his soul, and then the archangel Uriel won it in a poker game and set all the individual souls free. In short, you ARE on the market if you wish.
Honestly, I don’t understand why you people don’t keep up with these things.
Why would somebody want a lovely succubus?
I want mine to be unspeakably naughty.
I prefer lovely succubi. I want eye candy AND good hygiene.
I will think about this deal, but I don’t have much of a soul left. Are there any Blue Light Special Succubi available?
I’ll bite. I’ll sell my soul and my R&B. Interested?
I’d be happy to … for cash. None of this – you can play the fiddle now – shit.
In fact, I’ll sell you my soul today for the low-low price of $9.99 (not including shipping and handling). Act now and I’ll sell you two of my souls for the same price.
BUT WAIT – THERE’S MORE! … Call in the next five minutes and I’ll throw in my fifth red shakra for free!
This opportunity is open to anybody and everybody interested in two of my souls and any number of my shakras, whatever their color.
I work in bulk, you see.
I’d sell my soul for an extra 20 hours in a day, accessible only to myself. :I Think you can manage that, Skald?
I’ll sell you mine - but theres a catch. Keep all your flashy dream shit, and buy some of this cutlery off me. I’m supposed to sell $1000 sets of kitchen knives - buy a few of those, and my soul is yours.
Does it have to be my soul?
See, I have a couple of souls here that I’d be happy to get rid of. They, uh, fell off the back of a truck.
Yeah… that’s the ticket.
No way, man! Keep your grubby red paws off!
I got no use for mine anymore… I’m in!
The soul-owner has to sign the contract in his or her own blood, so yes, it has to be your own soul. All you’ve done with those two you took off the truck is send them to Limbo after death. Plus there may be an principality or throne or something looking for 'em. (I don’t know the details of how the celestial hierarchy handles such assignments; I’m on the other side, after all.)
On your own head be it. I have put you down for an unspeakably naughty succubus that looks like Nancy Grace.
So long as I have a couple hundred Get out of Hell Free cards, I figure it’s safe for me to sell it a few times. I’m in. 
Do you see Mephistopheles’ signature on those?
Do you see Aslan’s?
Me either. Those are a scam. And don’t give me any crap about it being on the back, either.
I’m sorry, I should have been clear. We are not interested in the souls of Canadians. Neither is the other side. I’m not sure what happens to y’all after death, frankly, though if I were gonna guess I’d say that all the world’s ghosts are actaully from the Great White North, no matter what they claim.
Ah crap. I sold my soul to vison in chat last night.
Doesn’t matter, Sticks, you have to be a legal adult to sell your soul, and you’re, what, 12?
I would like to receive a written estimate for my soul so that I can discuss with my wife (the current owner.) But really, because you seem so needy I’m going to have to assume you can’t get my soul any other way - that’s going to drive my price up.
I don’t have one. I’ve never had one. What to do?