I just read about a funeral museum, which had among other exhibits a windowed coffin. Created in the 1600s, before embalming was common, it would allow viewing without the stench of death spoiling the ceremony.
I’m going to ask for that.
Also, no roses. I don’t like roses. Something more open at the top, like tulips if in season, or at least lilies.
Two words: Gotcha ya!
Just get rid of my body the most eco-friendly way possible I guess. Don’t need to be buried. I could be burnt, frozen, launched into space, whatever, doesn’t really matter to me.
I’d like to be shot out of a cannon.
Oo, oo, me!
I’d like to be there to see who shows up.
Whatever will make my family happy. I will be dead, what will I care.
I want to be buried. No cremation; no mausoleum.
But I have informed anyone who will listen that I want the absolute cheapest funeral available. Cheap casket, simple service at our church, plain headstone. I’ve threatened my husband with eternal haunting if he gives me more than the legal minimum.
Yes:
• Cremation only. My friends may have a quick service at the funeral home.
• My friends will be given my ashes and instructed where to scatter them. (They know already.)
• The only music that can be played is either Led Zepplin or Tool, funeral-appropriate songs, please. (10,000 Days would be an excellent start.)
• No mormons are allowed to speak, co-opt my funeral, or mormonize it in any way. It shall not ever be held in any mormon ward house, nor stake center, nor in the home of a mormon. (I’m a resigned apostate/exmormon and refuse to capitalize “mormon.”) My funeral service shall not be used as a proslyting opportunity by the bishop of some well-intentioned, but misguided, mormon relative.
• My estate will be instructed to regularly search familysearch.org for my Personal Ancestral File, which the mormons already have on file. If any mormon, ever, at any time until the end of time, subjects me to posthumous baptism in violation of my wishes, my estate will be firmly instructed to sue the LDS church to within an inch of its life. I’ll be damned (haha – punny!) if I fought my way out of that religion for 20 years, finally resigned, commenced with cult recovery, and then after my death, some do-goody-goody mormon decides to baptize me by proxy in a mormon temple somewhere. I will also haunt that mormon until the end of her days.
When asked this once :
"What do you want done when you die?’
“Take my body up in a helicopter and drop it on a Republican.”
“Uh, your Dad is a Republican.”
“OK. Some other Republican.”
Give the body for organs, med students, science, or anyone else that wants to mess with the parts. Burn the leftovers. Flush the ashes. If YOU want to scatter them someplace, go for it. I don’t care.
If there is cash left (depending on how I died) - rent out the local pub for an evening of free drinks for friends, family, and the generally forlorn.
cremation as soon as legally possible. ashes to be scattered by the place that did the cremation. no family member or friend can even see the ashes, let alone put them in a jar, divide them up or scatter them over “some special place”
no funeral, no memorial service, no celebration of my life parties.
Donate all my organs to a med program somewhere, rig up my body with some robotics and don’t tell the rest of the family. Trigger during funeral, hilarity ensues.
I would honestly like my body just to be laid out in the woods, preferably in North Carolina but I don’t give that much of a shit where. No embalming or anything. If I have usable organs, those can be removed first.
I would want any get-together to be a celebration of my life instead of a mourning of my death. If anybody should happen to give a speech, it should (a) make everyone laugh frequently, and (b) make me sound way awesomer than I was.
“Death will just be a setback for Cisco. We put him in the woods, do you know what he’s probably doing right now? Killing a bear with his hands. I bet he’s just chillin’ there over the corpse wondering why everyone thought he was dead for real this time. This reminds of that one time when he skydived using a blue whale as a parachute and not only came out alive, but with a new full body jumpsuit…”
Like that?
For my body, I’d like to donate it for any medical, scientific, or educational purpose it can serve, in whole or in parts. I don’t want anything wasted that can still be put to good use. If my family wants to have something in a coffin, they can get a wax replica made.
For the ceremony itself, I trust that my family already inclines towards the sort of services I’d want them to have (hint: We’re Irish). My one specific request is that I would like bagpipe music.
A live band and an open bar? Sheesh, someone may as well get some enjoyment out of whatever savings (hah!) I have left. Seriously, the Irish got it right when they decided that the best thing to do after a funeral was to have a wake.
Hell yes, and the cause of death should be mentioned as “ran over by a runaway tractor-trailer truck driven by the Incredible Hulk.”
Will you please write my euligy?
Don’t really care, but the funeral will definitely have a dress code! Hawaiian shirts for everybody!
I want a wake.
I want people to drink alcohol, smoke weed, sing Karaoke, dance, play music, play video games, party, play charades and Pictionary, eat good food. Bonus points if it’s Sunday during football season.
Absolutely. No. Crying.
And I’m enforcing the same dress code as silenus.