I wouldn’t call it THAT pointless. I mean, who else are they going to put in it that is relevant and isn’t already wrestling at the event?
At this point I’m not sure he is relevant.
It is simply amazing how WWE created this awesome character and then did everything possible to squander the fuck out of his value.
“Banks was scheduled to wrestle during the fourth WWE NXT episode taping but left Full Sail University to go to the hospital when her fiancé, Sarath Ton, was legitimately knocked unconscious during a tag match teaming with Jason Jordan against The Vaudevillians.”
You left out the best part of that:
“Ton was recently hired by WWE to go on the road with the main roster and work as a seamster.”
So he works house shows and fixes the costumes?
Hey, don’t be needling him over that!
Whoa, seamster. That is not a word one sees often.
They’re like Teamsters, but they carry lots of needles and thread.
They can do their own stitches after a fight.
Maybe that’s why they had that backstage thing with JJ and Bagles. Bagles gets to replace the knocked out guy.
I had to look it up myself. “Based” is a reference to “Based God”, aka rapper Lil B.
FFS.
My, it’s been a busy week. I’d almost forgotten it was time for the We Retired This Event Three Months Ago, But Now It’s Back Because NO REASON NOTHING IS WRONG PLEASE DON’T CANCEL YOUR NETWORK SUBSCRIPTION edition of Smapti’s Always-Completely-Correct* Match Predictions;
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Rollins vs. Ambrose for the WWEWHC. As much as I’d absolutely love for Ambrose to win the world title tomorrow night, it’s not going to happen… yet. However, the momentum is tending in his direction - Extreme Rules got him his first post-Shield victory at a PPV, and while everyone expected him to take the pinfall at Payback, he ended up getting protected and looking really dominant. Rollins is obviously going to retain here, because the booking psychology at this point is that the world title changes hands at Summerslam and WrestleMania and nowhere else, but it’s clear that Ambrose is being built up as someone who could legitimately win the title at one of those events. My prediction is that Ambrose wins by DQ on the part of any of Seth’s goon-squad, picks up MitB next month, and cashes in at Summerslam during or after Rollins’ inevitable rematch against Brock Lesnar.
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Elimination Chamber match for the vacant Intercontinental title; Sheamus, Ryback, R-Truth, Barrett, Ziggler, and TBD. Rusev was supposed to be the sixth man in this match, but he was injured at Smackdown and probably won’t be appearing. The scuttlebutt is that Bray Wyatt will be taking his place, which would make sense to further his feud with Ryback. I don’t really like any of these guys to be the new IC champion - for sure they all lack the fan support Daniel Bryan had, and I don’t see any of them being in position booking-wise to elevate the title to the same degree Cena has elevated the US title lately. I’ll give this one to Sheamus because he seems to be getting the strongest push lately, and WWE always goes with a heel champion when they have nothing better planned.
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John Cena vs. Kevin Owens. CENAWINSLO… actually, I think Owens is gonna win this one. All signs point to it. It’s the first time Cena has wrestled since winning the US title that the championship isn’t on the line, which tells me they want to book Owens to win but they don’t want to put the belt on him. It’s Owens’ first main roster match, and on a PPV no less, which tells me he’s going over because if he were going to job in his debut he’d do so on Raw. He’s been announced for every single Raw between now and Summerslam, which tells me this isn’t just a one-off - he’s getting called up full time. What this means for the NXT title is anyone’s guess, since their next live special isn’t until right around Summerslam time (maybe THE DEMON Finn Balor wins it off of him between now and then?), but I’m fairly certain Owens is going to come out on top in this match, with the remote possibility that he gets DQed for throwing an illegal powerbomb or something of that nature.
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Elimination Chamber match for the tag titles; New Day, the Cesaro Kids, the Prime Time Players, the Ascension, Los Matadores, and the Lucha Dragons. Most of the teams going into this match are comedy acts that I wouldn’t expect to win in a million years, but this oughta be a fun match all the same. I’ll go out on a limb and say the Ascension win this one so they can get back into the dominant position that they should never have fallen out of ever since they debuted.
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Ladies’ title triple-threat; Nikki Bella vs. Paige vs. Naomi. Ugh. Naomi is the one getting the push now that they can’t keep booking her as Girl Uso and so have instead chosen to push her as Black Sasha Banks, so she gets the win here.
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Neville vs. Bo Dallas. 15 months ago, this matchup was the main event of NXT’s first live special. Now, it’s condemned to be the curtain-jerker. THE FUTURE IS NOW! I’ll give the win to Neville here, because he’s on an upward path and Bo is really more suited to a career as a midcard heel jobber.
Those are the only six matches announced that I know of. I would expect at least one surprise match of no consequence, possibly involving the Meta Powers and/or Adam Rose.
- From a certain point of view
I agree with most of Smapti’s picks, except the tag team clusterfuck. I think Noohoo Dayhee will win and retain the belts because they’re hot. I also predict Harper and Rowan will punk out one of the teams (Los Matadores) beforehand and take their place. It’s time the Wyatts become the slasher movie psychos that pop out of the woodwork again. I’m willing it to be so. WILL WILL WILL>>>>>
KO’s going to be busy. He’s got a feud to resolve with S’more Joe, he’s going to be Cena’s new archenemy, and a buildup with whoever’s going to be the NeXT NXT eXcelleNT champion. To think that Finn Balor’s ascension was short! KO needed no fancy entrance. Luck was a big part of it with Sami Zayn and Alex Ragely getting legitimately hurt during their feuds with him, adding to his toughness cred. NXT booked him perfectly. Now let’s see if the main roster overlords can learn from them.
Ambrose is getting his push but it’s definitely too soon for him. The Lesnar return is already scripted and that has run it’s course first. I’m not following the rumor mill so I don’t know how serious the injury to Rusev is but he’s due for a break, his storyline should have wrapped up at WrestleMania, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see him out for a while. But he might show up with a heavily taped ankle, he can see what happens to wrestlers who don’t work because of injuries.
In general thinning out the roster is helping the show, they don’t need to be bringing up NXT stars to fill in. What they need is shorter story lines and a fighting champion.
I want Paige back on top, she’s the best female wrestler they have at the moment, and if there’s gonna be a Bella as champion they picked the wrong one.
They have to move the Kane storyline along, maybe he’ll be the substitute for Rusev, but Seamus seems more likely, which is unfortunate, they couldn’t even come up with a decent reason for his heel turn. They have to get him into a real feud, probably with Barret, and then the two of them can wrestle their way into an extended vacation.
Wait, “Black Sasha Banks”? Did you mean, Black-er Sasha Banks? Because I’m pretty sure she’s at least part Black. Isn’t she supposed to be related to Snoop Dogg?
He plays a villain in an upcoming movie and his current look is pretty much that character. So be prepared for El Torito and Hornswaggle to come out dressed as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and get beat down by him - that would absolutely play into his current character who hates midget heroes and give them a tie-in marketing effort for the movie.
I worked from home on Friday and was too enthralled with the FIFA stuff to make my picks, I’m not in the mood to rant as I normally do so quick-n-dirty picks:
Tag Team Match: I think New Day remains as champ, although I would like to see Team Uppercat get the victory so that they can remain together longer AND keep the fight with New Day more interesting.
IC Title match: This is my Bold Prediction: Ryback wins in order to eventually give it to Bray.
Women’s Match: It’s Naomi’s time! Well deserved and perfect storytelling now that she’s heel
Neville and Bo Dallas: I BO-LEAVE! that Neville wins this since Bo winning really has no point
Champ Match: Rollins wins by BS reasons, but this will be a good match overall. Ambrose for MiTB!
KO and Cena: Is KO really scheduled for that many RAWs? Ugh, I don’t like non fighting champions and that’s going to make NXT really annoying. Let’s hope he gets a taste for the big time and just says “Screw NXT, here’s your damn belt” and then just goes to WWE full-time.
NXT only tapes once a month, of course, so there’s ample time to transition him out of there while he’s still performing on Raw. Seth Rollins and Big E were both performing weekly on the main roster while they were NXT champion, so it’s certainly been done before. They’ve already taped a match between him and Samoa Joe (I didn’t look to see who wins) that could easily lead to a title feud between the two of them, and Finn of course has already earned a title shot, so it’s not like they’re hurting for someone to take the belt off of him.
What, and deny an opportunity for Damien Leonardow?
Well, Money in the Bank is June 14th and that’s only two weeks away.
Tag Team - New Day retains and we get a six ‘man’ tag at MitB with all 3 New Day members vs Catsaro + Natalya, where Natalya gets the pin. (Ok, that will never happen, but it’d be fun.)
IC Title Match - Sheesh, I had to go look up who all is in it, that’s how excited I am. I expect they’ll probably have Shaemus win it and Dolph chase him, as that match hasn’t happened more than about 8 million times. I don’t think Bray can win it because I don’t see any of these guys chasing him (besides the fact that he’s a late addition and you know the ending was already booked). I’ll go with the ultra-improbable: Kevin Owens beats down R-Truth during his entrance, takes his spot and wins the strap. Dolph is booked to chase him and per usual, completely over-does the selling during their feud.
KO-Cena The Machine says Owens only exists to get beat down by Cena. Just another monster built up only for Cena to overcome. Here’s the bit that WWE isn’t getting: Cena doesn’t need it at this point in his career and it doesn’t help anyone for that shit to keep happening. I mean, the very moment Rusev debuted and started his streak, every fucking Human on Earth knew his ultimate fate. If they’re smart, KO wins tonight and goes on to win the feud.
Women’s Match - Oh hell, googling ‘womens match elimination chamber’, the actual story with the participants was well down the results list. Really not interested. Call me back when we have NXT style Women’s matches that go 8-15 minutes.
Neville/Dallas Neville, of course. Bo Dallas is a jobber with no credibility at this point.
The Shield Does A Three Way - Probably Rollins, but as skeptical of Reigns as I’ve been, I think I could handle seeing him have a brief title run, losing it back to Rollins at MitB. That’d give him that ‘Former WWE Hvyweight Champion’ cache, give him and the audience a brief taste of it and let them see how it goes for future consideration.
What, and deny an opportunity for Splinterdow? Obviously wearing a huge rat costume would be the highlight of his career!
Forget Stephen Amell, I want to see David Arquette, Dennis Rodman, and Jay Leno back in the squared circle! The more celebrities, the better. How about Billy Gardell and Melissa McCarthy? They’re large people, just like what Vince wants. After Dustin “Screech” Diamond serves his time, Vince should call him up too! We LOVE to see famous people suck wrestler work rate out of the arena.