For the second year in a row, we’re going to have a ladder match at WrestleMania for the Intercontinental Championship.
Kevin Owens defends the belt against Sami Zayn, Dolph Ziggler, Sin Cara, The Miz, Stardust, and… Zack Ryder. Holy shit, we’re suddenly giving Zack Ryder some TV time. I can dig that. Doubt it would have happened if we didn’t have, like, 70% of the roster out with injuries, though.
Missed the edit window. WWE.com has a poll up, asking which opponent Kevin Owens should most fear in his I-C Title match. Zayn is at 60%. Ziggler was next at 24%. Of course I picked Ryder just for the hell of it; he’s at 4%. That’s not as bad as Stardust, though: 2%.
Obviously not enough of them though, which is why this has to be a ladder match.
“All those guys the fans like but aren’t big enough, plus Zach Ryder.”
We all figured the IC match would be a multi-man ladder match. I ain’t hating on it, I wish Kallisto or Kofi were in it because I like them in ladder matches, but I understand why they aren’t in it.
It’s probably a forgone conclusion that either KO or Sami is walking away with that belt
Well, if Sami walks out with it and KO is all hot and bothered and comes after him, so we have an underdog face (not completely familiar to the audience) being chased by the evil vindictive prize fighter who lost his prize without being pinned - and they spell out the history and what happened in NXT between them, it could* be a compelling storyline.
Oh, and I want to see Kevin Owens win Money in the Bank this year, then take the championship by running in at the end of a brutal match and completely tearing apart both men then pinning the champion for the belt.
If that match was Reigns v Cena, all the better. Just wreck them both and walk out with the big prize.
And from Vince’s perspective, this has the added benefit (wait for it…) of putting Cena one title away from breaking the record without his actually having to hold the title for more than five minutes or so.
I’m pretty underwhelmed with the WM card this year. Not 100% WWE’s fault, due to all the injuries, but the possibility of Shane McMahon being Undertaker’s last ever opponent means Vince wants to leave no doubt as to who runs the company. History will ask, Who retired the UT? Answer: some VKM child. If Shane wins, it will mean* more McMahons on TV!* Vince will also outlive all of us out of spite.
Ambrose vs Brrrrrock may not be a letdown IF they decide to hell with keeping this match family-friendly. Neither contestant minds a little blading, and Ambrose could make things exciting if he uses Foley and Funk’s gifts. Not for actual mutilation of course, but enough to make the crowd pop. I forgot how good Terry Funk was with promos. He was not only mean, but smart and inspired, like a Shakespearean villain.
I guess the Wyatts are going to be shoved into the AtGMBR, and whoever wins will be king of the midcarders. Maybe Bray will want his cohorts to help him win, but one or more will turn on him. Braun’s rumored to be getting a push, so maybe he’ll be the winnah. Wonder if any NXT talent will participate like Hideo did last year? Baron Corbin maybe?
The ladder match could be fun. I remember KO took a sick bump in a RoH ladder match, flipping over the top onto a horizontal ladder and bending it into a V. Dolph, Cara, Cody and Zayn are known for death-defying moves as well. I’m thinking KO will keep his title so he and Sami Zayn can continue their feud.
This will be 2 days after Zayn faces Nokamura, and you know he’ll bust his butt for that. I’m actually looking forward more to NXT Takeover than WM.
Unless something unexpected happens next week, we’re currently looking at eleven matches on the card for 'Mania. That’s more than have been on 'Mania in six years, and I’m not even sure how they’re going to fit it all into four hours of the main card and a two-hour pre-show when they also have the HOF inductees, video packages, ring entrances, the Rock’s guest appearance (where he’ll probably have to stand there for like fifteen minutes waiting for the crowd to calm down enough that he can stop talking), Fifth Harmony singing “America the Beautiful”, another musical number, Weekend Update, Vince’s naptime, the lightning round, Final Jeopardy, the Showcase Showdown, and the big reveal of which superstar has been a Cylon this whole time.
Anyway, here’s my predictions:
Roman Reigns vs. Triple H for the world title. ROMANWINSLOL. The only reason Trips won the title is to drop it here, and there’s no third option - no MITB to cash in, no guaranteed rematch waiting in the wings, no John Cena to run in at the last minute and issue a challenge leading to a 30-second squash. This is it, folks, but the good news is it probably won’t close out the show.
Undertaker vs. Shane McMahon, Hell in a Cell, if Shane wins he gets control of Raw and the Undertaker must retire. Out of all the WTF moments in WrestleMania history, this is probably in the top five (and keep in mind that’s a list that includes worked boxing, legit boxing, Snooki, midget battles royal, Leslie Nielsen in character as Det. Frank Drebin, Mr. T, Elvira, Mean Gene getting a musical number, Maggle wrestling in bubble wrap, Donald Trump, and Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lawrence Taylor as the main event). On paper, Shane should absolutely die here, but the way they’re booking it makes me feel pretty confident that he’s going to win, especially with the retirement angle - there’s no better place than Texas than for 'Taker to hang up his boots, and between this and the title match maybe we can finally put an end to the Authority storyline.
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar, no holds barred. What should happen here is Dean should channel CZW-era Jon Moxley, go balls-out-insane, and turn this match into an utter gorefest. But this is still a PG-rated show, so that won’t happen. I’m going to predict that he wins by sheer virtue of refusing to stay down no matter how many times he gets taken to Suplex City.
Ladder match for the IC title: Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Dolph Ziggler, the Miz, Sin Cara, Stardust, Zack Ryder. I’ll agree that this is Sami’s match to win, and it’ll set things up for him and KO to finish the feud they never really resolved in NXT.
Kalisto vs. Ryback for the US title. (Well, at least he’s not fighting Alberto Del Rio yet again.) I’m gonna give this one to Ryback.
Triple threat for the ladies’ title; Charlotte, Sasha Banks, Becky Lynch. Sasha is red hot right now and I’d love to see her win, but I know that if she does she’s going to get shoehorned into the same “gets jelly of her friends and turns heel on them because bitches be crazy” storyline that seems to represent how Vince McMahon thinks women think. I’d put equal money on Charlotte and Sasha, with Becky eating the pin either way.
New Day vs. the League of Booty, 3-on-4 for the tag titles. I guess this is the ultimate application of Freebird rules. As popular as the New Day have become with their crazy antics, I think we’re approaching (if not already at) peak New Day and the routine is going to get stale pretty soon. On top of that, Enzo and Big Cass look like they’re about to start working the main roster full-time (and Bullet Club as well, if the rumors about Anderson and Gallows coming straight to the main roster are true), so I’m gonna say the League wins here and defends against those teams in the coming months.
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho, round 4. AJ needs to end this feud in a credible way so that he can move on as a dominant face (potentially as a rival for Ryback’s US title?) I’ll give him the win here.
The Usos vs. the Dudley Boyz. Not really sure why this match needs to be on 'Mania, but I’ll give the Usos the win here and put them in the title scene (like they pretty much always are).
The Third Annual Andre the Giant Memorial “Make Sure Everyone Else Gets a Payday” Battle Royal. This one’s been confirmed as happening during the pre-show. I dunno… let’s say Mark Henry.
Natalya, Paige, Alicia Fox, & Brie Bella vs. Lana, Tamina Snuka, Naomi, and a partner to be named next week. I’ll give this one “bumped to the next night’s Raw to make room for the Rock’s promo running an hour and a half over schedule”. And the face team wins, probably. (Wait, when did Alicia Fox turn face?)
Bray’s back is hurt, and Harper just went down with a leg injury. This leaves the two sheep boys. Braun Greenguy will probably get a lot of eliminations then get tossed by Big Show or Kane to continue The Pointless Intermittent Feud That Never Goes Anywhere. Which, come to think of it, is pretty much every Wyatt feud.
Supposedly he’s a replacement for Neville, the Man Who Just Got A Sudden Reminder of the Laws of Physics.
(yeah, I know, he was injured on a slide, whatever…)
Are you kidding? If Shane is in charge of Raw, then expect the next few months to involve Trips & Steph’s Revenge. Besides - Shane would be in charge of Raw; they said nothing about Smackdown.
'Taker losing a HitC match is bad enough - but having his final match be a HitC loss to Shane makes absolutely no sense. On top of that, the next night’s Raw would almost certainly be UT’s “retirement celebration,” but any attempt to do that would be ruined by somebody deciding that Shane, as the new head of Raw, would have to be involved somehow.
If it wasn’t for the fact that it is in Texas (and I agree that this is the place where he should retire), I would consider having a non-finish where they end up on top of the cage, then fall through the cage…and through the ring mat as well (of course, there’s a well-placed crash mat or two underneath), ending with five minutes or so of the crowd chanting “Holy $#!@” and “He’s Hardcore” (and maybe an “ECW” or two) while the camera is pointed at the hole in the ring.
Is Daniel Bryan going to be there? This could be a reason for him to appear on WM (not wrestling, of course), and they can bump the Usos-Dudleys match to Raw. Besides, four hours is a long time; fans may need two bathroom breaks…
After two years of generic covers, WWE has gone back to putting wrestlers on the cover of the company’s Annual Report.
This year’s push (and don’t try telling me that it was just “coincidence” that both Sheamus and Cena got pushes right after getting on the cover) goes to…
New Day! (The subheading: “Extraordinary Entertainment”)
And gosh, why might New Day be getting over?
I think one part is that they don’t memorize a script before they go out. They’re trusted to hit the points and fill in the blanks.
And I’m inventing a new term. You’ve heard of the Dunning-Kruger Effect? The Vince-Dunn Effect is where you’re so convinced of your own vision that you ignore both your customers and critics to carry it out regardless of how it affects your business.
That’s because nobody wants to be in charge of Smackdown. If there were going to be a match about controlling Smackdown, the stip would be that the loser has to run it. 
I’d take it, and a roster split.
Give me all the guys Vince doesn’t see as world championship material. Within six months I’ll be consistently beating RAW in the ratings.
At which point Vince would fire me and declare it all a failure.
Ms. Cups told me that NXTs head writer is now on Smackdown. Don’t know what it means really, but interesting to note.
Also we are pug-sitting for our friends this week and they actually get El Rey network. So, for the first time, Ms. Cups can see an episode of LU.
SD doesn’t really have anything new and different these days. It’s been RAW part 2. Maybe the new writer will stir shit up.
There really used to be competition between the two shows with separate rosters. The concept eventually eroded away because they were having the A-listers on both shows to increase ratings. Paul Heyman talked about how he would secretly listen in on the conference call after the RAW planning was done and spy on what the SD crew was doing. Stephanie got really upset with him.
Anyway, here’s a Behind-the-Scenes narrative a prospective wrestler wrote up for Cracked.
Well that certainly was an interesting episode of LU to for us to watch for our very first (ish).
Any idea who the giant mofo was?
Matanza is actually Jeffrey Cobb, from Guam. He previously wrestled for AZW in Hawaii.
Good to have Dario Cueto back. I miss his backstage machinations.
Sami Callihan, formerly Solomon Crowe of NXT, is signed on for season 3. Hopefully he’ll ditch the lesbian look.
With all the injuries WWE stars are amassing, I’m amazed that Cage continues to take the hard shots. That cement block that Mundo crashed on his head may have been gimmicked to break easy, but it’s still a hard surface and all that sand could have damaged his eyes. My respect for Cage increases every time I see him in action.
BAHWANGAAAHHHH BANNNNHHHHH