Paul Heyman is my idol. I love how he’s such an unrepentant scumbag. His feud with CM Punk was epic. Cena’s not in the same class as those two as far as mike work is concerned, but Heyman makes up for it by being even slimier and more weasely than usual. I loved the part where Cena refused to hit Heyman, started to leave the ring, and Heyman put on a shit eating grin and said “If I were your mother, I’d be proud of you…if my son had testicles.” I had to rewind and watch that part several more times.
The best part of Heyman’s interactions with Cena is that he talks about his legitimate respect for the man. It’s not the usual heel manager constantly badmouthing the opponent. The fact that Heyman refers to him as the greatest WWE Champion…before The Beast arrived really emphasizes the power of the feud and builds both sides up.
So, with another eight-match card booked for Night of Champions, it’s time once again for Smapti’s Guaranteed 100% Accurate* predictions;
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Cena vs. Lesnar for the Undisputed WWE Unified World Heavyweight Championship of the World. There’s pretty much a 0% chance Cena walks out of this match as champion, but they’re going to have to do something different than the absolute squash they did at Summerslam. My prediction is that Cena gets the upper hand eventually through pure stick-to-it-ive-ness and is undone at the last moment by outside interference from someone - Trips, Steph, Kane, Rollins, Heyman, Nikki Bella, Rusev, Adam Rose’s bunny, your pick - and Lesnar picks up the win.
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Ziggler vs. Miz for the IC title. I didn’t expect Ziggler to win the title in the first place, but I have a feeling he’s going to hold onto it - he’s very over at the moment, and the Miz/Sandow combo seems like it has too much potential as a tag team to keep Miz as a singles champion (and it’s a big improvement over Sandow just cosplaying for cheap heat every week).
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Sheamus vs. Cesaro for the US title. Sometimes I wonder if the writers even remember the US title exists sometimes - Sheamus has held it since April and done pretty much nothing with it, been involved in no major storylines, and has spent more of his reign chasing other titles than actually defending the one he has now. (In fact, he hasn’t even defended it on TV since a match with Alberto Del Rio in July, and has a grand total of four title defenses since he picked up the belt.) Likewise, he got it off Dean Ambrose, who became the longest running US champion since the WCW buyout mostly on virtue of the fact that he never ever got booked to defend it.
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes - the match. This could really go either way, but if I were writing the product, I’d have Cesaro pick up the win in a double turn, since Cesaro is very over with the crowd and Sheamus, while he’s popular with the wee fellas, has always really been more effective as a heel, and generally works heelish even when he is a face.
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The Usos vs. Goldust and Stardust for the tag titles. The Usos have had the belts since January, and while I love their style, it’s time for them to drop the belts. The Rhodeses are good for another run right now, especially since their last run ended with a loss to the New Age Outlaws of all people. In the long run, though, I’m sticking with my prediction that whoever wins this match is going to drop the belts to the Ascension in a few months’ time.
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Paige vs. AJ and Nikki Bella for the Divas title. The only thing I can predict for sure is that this match will be an absolute clusterfuck. Brie will interfere at some point. Steph will interfere at some point. The referee will take a bump. Kane may or may not show up in a dress and start choke-slamming people through tables while Cole trembles in horror at “THE DIVA KANE”. The entire cast of Total Divas may just start catfighting in the middle of the ring. In the end, it’ll last less than 10 minutes, and I predict Nikki wins via Authority screwjob to set up the Nikki vs. Brie feud that they want this season of Total Divas to revolve around.
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Mark Henry vs. Rusev. How impressive would it be if Rusev made Henry tap out? I think they’re building Rusev up to be a rival for Cena at the next couple PPVs, and Henry is the last all-American hero type wrestler left for Rusev to beat on his way to Cena, so the booking here is obvious.
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Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton. This is supposed to be Jericho’s last match before he takes off to play rock star again, and he is the best in the world at what he does - i.e., putting over younger talent and going out on his back. Orton wins.
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Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins. I really don’t know what they’re doing with this match - they booked it a few weeks in advance, then gave it away for free on Raw with Reigns getting a clean victory, and are now billing the PPV as the rematch. Standard WWE logic says Rollins “gets his win back” on Sunday, but that would hurt Reigns and cost him credibility if he’s supposed to be Vince’s new Golden Boy who’s destined to beat Brock at WrestleMania. So I’m going to call this one another “Rollins wins because Triple H pushes the IWIN button” ending.
No official announcement on what the pre-show match will be - the unconfirmed rumor I’ve heard is that it’ll be Heath Slater and Titus O’Neill vs. Adam Rose and the bunny, with the bunny being revealed as a returning Darren Young to pick up his feud with Titus where it left off when he was injured earlier this year. If that proves to be the case, I predict a win for the Rosebuds.
*not a guarantee
Anyone read the articles on TNA’s troubles?
I’d pretty much lost all respect for Dixie Carter well before this, but this is the nail. They offered AJ Styles 40% less than his old contract, and she has the nerve to say that they offered him a great contract and she’s disappointed he didn’t take it. Same old corporate bullshit speak, blaming the other party for not accepting their cheap ass lowball screwjob. I’d say that I sincerely hope she gets the same speech someday, but it’ll never happen. She runs around spending family money and pimping her own ego like she’s actually earned something instead of being handed everything in her life.
That would be car wreck funny. In that, you want to laugh at it but it makes you less of a human being for doing so. They can recycle the long hair from the demon mask and give him Chyna’s old suit. I may have to photoshop this when I get home.
@Chimera: Steve Austin and Paul Heyman talked about TNA in SA’s podcast. Heyman that after the dust settled, ECW lost $7 million. TNA has already lost ten times that much. Nobody’s really courting them after their contract with Spike TV runs out at the end of the year. They’ll probably die a quiet death like WCCW.
I don’t see WWE sending the PPV fans home unhappy twice in a row. I see a Cena countout win somehow - probably involving interference on Cena backfiring.
Here’s a crazy way to end it, although it would be another “unhappy ending”:
- Cena and Brock have a double countout ending;
- “Management” comes out and pretty much lays out both of them;
- “It’s Seth Rollins with a referee! He’s cashing in! He’s cashing in!”
This could also lead up to, say, the Rollins-Reigns “rubber match” being for the title at Survivor Series, while giving Lesnar some time off.
Vince has been booking Cena as invincible over the objections of a lot of people inside, so it seems fairly certain to me that Cena is going to walk out with the belt.
Makes no damned sense to me, but there we are.
As I recall, during the period of October 2013-February 2014, WWE sent the PPV fans home unhappy six times in a row; Battleground ended with Big Show punching everybody out and Bryan/Orton being a no-contest, HIAC with Trips/Kane/Shawn Michaels screwing Bryan out of the title, SS with Trips and Kane screwing Big Show out of the title, TLC with Orton winning Cena’s title, the Rumble with Batista flipping everybody off, and EC with the Authority screwing Bryan again and Cole literally declaring “It’s Batista vs. Orton at WrestleMania - DEAL WITH IT!”
I’m liking Hideo. He doesn’t act like the face that’s such a good guy he gets easily punked by the heel. He pulled a couple dirty tricks on Justin Gabriel during their match and won in convincing fashion. I guess he’s going to have singles matches with the Ascension guys, and possibly a handicap match with them as well. I read where Ascension has been jobbing to Los Matadores at WWE house shows, so maybe their stock has fallen a bit.
Titus gets a reprieve from jobbing to The Bunny and gets to toss around smaller NXT stars. I like how they’re pulling in midcarders from the main roster every once in a while to give NXT some cred, and the midcarders get to work for more than 2 minutes. I’m also liking how Neville and Zayn are developing a rivalry, and FACT: smarmy Tyson Kidd gets to take advantage.
There’s some ugly rumor that Tyler Breeze is going to join Miz’s entourage, which I hope to Og doesn’t happen. He’s already got a strong identity developed. He doesn’t need to play second fiddle to anyone, MAGGLE!
Big news this morning - Roman Reigns has been rushed to an emergency room in Nashville suffering from an incarcerated hernia and is undergoing emergency surgery at this hour. It’s far too early to say what his long-term prognosis will be, but he will definitely not be performing at NoC tomorrow night, and he’ll likely be out of action for quite some time.
Given that all indications were that Reigns was set to main-event WrestleMania this year, this could potentially cause a major storyline upheaval if he’s out of action for a long time.
Welp, if this was the night that Dean Ambrose was supposed to return, they’re in luck. Rollins vs Ambrose is a much more intense and insane pairing. I’m guessing the match with Reigns would have had Rollins calling in the Authority and Ambrose coming to the rescue. Or, he would have shown up to foil Rollins’ MITB cash-in after Cena gets the shit kicked out of him but pulls out the win.
Bad turn of events for Reigns, but good timing for Ambrose. However long it takes until Reigns can pull the stitches out of his groin, Ambrose may get the benefits of his push by proxy.
No, not really. I had a ventral hernia operation August 8th. Was not supposed to lift more than 10 pounds for 2-3 weeks or do any running or major walking in that time. I would expect someone in his shape would be returning in about a month or so, but we’ll see what they say.
I’m not a doctor, but from what I’ve read online, an incarcerated hernia is much more serious than an ordinary hernia in that it can possibly require part of the offending organ to be removed - and given how potentially dangerous Reigns’ job is, they’d probably do well to keep him out of the ring for long enough to ensure that he doesn’t accidentally reinjure himself. Time will tell, I suppose.
Hey Hey everyone!
Coming to you live from Orlando where I saw an NXT house show and I’ll tell you all about it.
First things first, the tickets I got were ringside seats and only cost $20 a piece, so that in and of itself was a deal.
Show started at 7:30 and we got in there a little after 7. When we got in there were some superstars walking around the ring signing autographs. We got a free autograph paper when we walked in and everyone had their own pen. The ones around the ring were: Alexa Bliss, Tyler Breeze, Becky Lynch, and a guy named Angelo Dawkins (I’ll get to him in a bit). There was a merch table on the side. We took our seats and the show began:
First match: A guy I’ve never seen before, but his name ended up being JJ was facing A guy whose name I REALLY can’t remember. The match was fun because JJ was a really good talker and was cracking jokes pretty much the entire time. He eventually won and the crowd was happy.
Match 2: Ty Dillinger vs. Lion…something: This Dillinger guy was just stupid. His gimmick was all “life is terrible, and the only constant thing is chance” so he pretended to play with a deck of cards (that he brought into the ring with him) and by “chance” he had to wrestle (who’da thought?). He eventually won and then cut a weird promo about chance and cards and…it was stupid. The audience didn’t even like him. His music was the worst part, it wasn’t even music, it was just the feedback screech. And they did it when he left too so it wasn’t just a fuckup.
Match 3: A divas tag team with Bayley and Alexa Bliss facing Sasha Banks and Random Blonde Stripper Bitch I only half remember this match because I was looking at Bayley the whole time. Everyone did their part except for stripper-bitch because she was pointless. It ended with Alexa going over Sasha. The biggest key about this match is at the end of it I got a high-five from both Alexa and Bayley. I may or may not have needed a pants change. The real highlight though was Bayley gave a girl who was probably 6 years old a hug and that little girl got SO excited. It was sweet.
Match 4: CJ Parker vs Baron Corbin. A rematch from Takeover 2 (The takenings revenge). This was funny because as soon as the match started the audience started to count down from 10 and then cheered when CJ parker lasted longer than ten seconds. It was a good match overall, Corbin seems formidable. He also debuted velvet in his pants.
Match 5: Charlotte vs. Becky Lynch: I got A LOT of respect for Charlotte during this match because she did a great job of working the crowd, and cracking jokes, and really helped keep the match going. Becky Lynch is a fun girl, and I think she’ll do well because she wrestled well, took a lot of bumps, and still looked strong. Charlotte obviously won after doing a natural selection. She looks skinnier in real life.
Match 6: French Marcus Guy vs Colin Cassidy: This was hilarious for all the reasons you think it is. Marcus came out in a wig that was kept in place by a wrestling (the sport not the entertainment) helmet. Then Big Cass comes out and says how it’s not really his hair and that he’s actually “B.A.W.L.D. Baaaaawwwwwwld!”. Then goes about asking us all “how we doin’” and then starts to wrestle. He eventually pulls the wig off and wins while Marcus is yelling “you did this to me!”. Cass is friggin huge. He is a tall tall man.
Match 7: Bull Dempsey vs Angelo Dawkins: The quietest match of the night because no one in the audience gave a shit about Bull and no one knows who the hell the other guy was. Angelo Dawkins is the latest black stereotype wrestler from the WWE. He had on hipster glasses and headphones and a backpack…all brightly colored. He “hey! ho!”'d his way down and into the ring, and did a dance thingy. It was whatever. At the end of the day he eventually got over Bull, who got all mad and “hurt” him by attacking him after the bell rung. We as an audience had to wait 15 for Dawkins to pretend he was hurt when we all knew he wasn’t and it was kinda boring.
Match 8. The main event.: Ascension vs The Vaudevillians: This was as good a match as you can expect from these four. The Ascension walked by me and I fist bumped one of them, and slapped the arm of the other, and his wristbands were ICE cold, which I thought was weird. The end of the match was funny because The Ascension botched the Fall of Man bad. Like really really bad. It wasn’t even close. Still fun though.
Once the final bell rung we left. It was awesome, a lot of fun, and if anyone can see a house show I HIGHLY recommend it!
T-Cup’s got a crush on Bay-Ley! T-Cups got a crush on Bay-Ley!
Sounds like you had a blast, STC. I’ve always enjoyed going to indie shows because the smaller venues allow for more crowd craziness. Plus, my taunts, like “We can see you talking” are more likely to be heard.
So, how did you all like Night of Champions? I was kind of underwhelmed. I did like the Usos vs Dust Brothers, and I thought Cesaro vs Sheamus stole the show. Both guys were relentless and there were few rest holds. I also marked out for the return of Ambrose. Paige just keeps getting creepy sexier. Buuuut…
Mark Henry vs Rusev: The slug fest. I mean both guys were slugs. As in crawl around slowly and slime up the place slugs.
Miz vs Ziggler: The best part was the closeup of the fan sign “Ziggler, please.” I keep hoping R Truth will turn on Zig for making him his Uncle Tom. Miz may have the mouth, but I’ve always considered his ring skills “eh.” I do think the partnership with Sandow works, and Miz as IC Champ will do until Wade Barrett returns.
Jericho vs Orton: There was no suspense to this match, mainly because I knew Jericho is going on hiatus and would job to Orton. Plus, Jericho moves like he’s constipated these days.
Cena vs BrrrrrrOCK: Cena didn’t look quite as helpless this time, but for most of the match they kept exchanging submission (rest) holds. You know Cena is booked to “never give up,” and Brock isn’t going to have his invincible aura taken away by submitting, so the match was bound to end in some way that saves face for both. Despite being in proper character, Rollins’s run-in seemed to cheapen the rivalry, as it looks like it’s leading to a Triple Threat match where Rollins will get pinned by Cena for the belt. I was really really hoping Ambrose would spoil the cash-in so that Rollins wouldn’t have that MITB albatross anymore and he and Ambrose could feud until Armageddon. Maybe Ambrose will show at RAW tonight, still bound by those lock twist bands (what do you call those things?) and still punk out Rollins.
One more thing: the constant pandering put me off as well.
Show bottles of Diet Mountain Dew, have announcers mention them in conversation: pandering.
Involve Fla-Ga Line, have them join commentary, mention how many awards they’ve won, plug their future appearance, consider the fact that they exist more important than the IC title transfer: pandering.
Commercials during a PPV: pandering.
Plugging the WWE network as a better alternative than spending $55 through other carriers: smart, sticks it to the media monopolies, but still pandering. We just want to watch people pretend to beat each other up. Do we constantly have to be reminded that somebody besides us is paying the bills?
I was coming back from Orlando so I only saw the divas match and the finale, but here are my comments on both
Divas Match: I was thinking about this one all day because this had the most change-of-storyline upheaval depending on the end. If Paige wins then all is fine (what I thought would happen), if AJ wins then it puts Nikki back with Brie in story, Paige tries to get revenge (I guess?) and AJ has the title til she (supposedly) leaves. If Nikki won…hoo boy. AJ gets to ride into the sunset, Nikke/Brie is dead, and Paige fades into 'bolivian. With the AJ win we are in a bit of a holding pattern, but really something needs to happen to Paige because this whole "kinda-sorta lesbian stalker thing she’s got goin on isn’t working.
Finale: This was my thinking the whole time, and I kinda hate myself for almost turning into an internet smark. The match was what it was, both guys looked strong, they wrestled fine, but here’s what I saw…
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A new ref: I like the refs cuz that’s a hilarious job. And did NOT recognize this person. In any other line of work that’s a fun caveat, in wrestling it’s a huge thing. My girlfriend didn’t recognize the ref and she’s got an ironclad memory for things like that PLUS the announcers mentioned his name.
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Paul Heyman: There were multiple inconspicuous shots of Hayman during the match. He didn’t look happy, or angry, or evil-I’m-loving-this, he looked…concerned. And not only was he concerned he looked a bit detached, like he didn’t want the match to go the way it was going, even though it was his client that was winning. New ref? Concerned Hayman? Something didn’t smell right to me…
Given these two things here is what a part of me was actually thinking: Hayman distracts the ref by whatever reason and throws Cena a pair of brass knuckles, cena knocks out lesnar, get’s the pin, wins the title, and hugs Haymen in an embrace that says John Cena is a Paul Hayman Guy. This would accomplish a lot of things, technically Cena doesn’t “turn” since he only beat hell Lesnar, but he does by being with Hayman. Kids love cena cuz he won and isn’t technically evil, marks love cena now that he’s with PH, and everyone can be happy. We all know that’s not what actually happened and the end was stupid, but there was that part of me that just thought.
Oh there’s no secret about it. I loooooove me some Bayley.
She wasn’t listed on the “superstars who are going to appear” list, so her entrance was a complete surprise to me.
I loved every second of it.
I assume you didn’t watch this on WWE Network? Presumably, the network and PPV feeds are the same…and they have to make up the money they lost by, in effect, giving away five PPVs with every WrestleMania purchase somehow.
And was anybody else put off by hearing one of the Divas (I can’t remember which one) calling some of her moves during that match? Just before the three-Diva superplex, one of them said, “Ready?”, and then, just before it happened, counted, “One, two, three”. Of course, there’s nothing new about this; at the first WrestleMania, there was a scene of Paul Orndorff clearly calling “Head Butt!” to Mr. T.
What really surprised me: of the five title matches, three had title changes. We’re usually lucky to get one.
That Divas match was a shitshow anyway, and hearing the spot being called was just icing on that cake.
related anecdote: at my NXT house show one of the guys did something bad to the other cuz we heard him say “sorry” after a move