Low Ki’s not much prettier. Rosemary’s still Knockouts champ, and she’s a horror queen.
Knowing Impact, they’ll probably call Kevin Nash back and have him win the XD belt again anyway, because he was in movies!
Youshootwith Awesome Kong: she’s sweet and definitely takes no shit.
TNA could probably get Hogan back for pennies on the dollar.
Kalisto has challenged Braun Strowman to a dumpster match for tonight’s RAW.
His funeral!
They’ve been announcing some big names for the next DEFY show up here in Seattle. In addition to Shane Strickland vs. John Morrison in the main event, we’re getting Taya, Davey Richards, Lio Rush, and the King of Dong Style himself, Joey Ryan!
Really hoping he does the meet & greet and/or dong-plexes King Khash.
Heh, Cornette despises Joey Ryan. He hates it when the gimmick gets more heat than the work.
I like Kallisto’s new look. They made him use the RAM color scheme, but the mask is more LU style.
It’s funny you say that because I said to Ms. Cups yesterday “Doesn’t Kallisto look like Drago now?” and she agreed. That’s partly because some famous horror makeup guy is doing some things for WWE. He redesigned Kallisto’s mask and is also responsible for Rowan’s new mask as well.
Thought you meant Roman’s mask for a sec. What, WWE sells a ducklips mask now?
SD is taking an interesting step in pushing their midcarders. Breezango is set to face the Usos. Tyler Breeze always put on good matches in NXT, but he became a fall guy in the main roster. Fandango’s been more gimmick than worker, but maybe he can do something in a more than 2 minute match. Ah, it was 2:58. Everybody alterwave!
One more thing: I think the aforementioned horror makeup artist worked on the Ascension. Half of Viktor’s face looked like a red mask stitched in place of missing flesh. Very cool, but they still lost.
Time for my predictions for Payback, the Raw-exclusive PPV that’s being main-evented by a match for the Smackdown title because WWE is bad at planning ahead.
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Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt, “House of Horrors” match for the WWE championship. Does anyone actually know what a House of Horrors match is? I’ll tell you who doesn’t; WWE itself, because they sent out an email survey two weeks ago asking select fans what they wanted to see in the match. (A buddy of mine who got the email insisted that there be a dilapidated boat.) It’s probably going to wind up being some sort of House-of-Fun-ish steel cage weapons match, in which Randy will retain, seeing as Jinder Mahal is already set to challenge Randy for the title at Backlash, because WWE is bad at planning ahead.
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Roman Reigns vs. BROWN STRONGMAN. Standard WWE logic says Roman wins here and then EVERYBODY LOVES HIM BECAUSE LOOK AT HOW STRONG HE WAS TO BEAT THAT MAN WHO BROKE A RING AND FLIPPED OVER AN AMBULANCE, CHEER FOR HIM NOW GODDAMMIT. So that’s the prediction I’m going with.
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The Hardys vs. Sheamsaro for the tag titles. Jeff takes the pin and Matt turns on him post-match setting up WWE’s version of the Broken Hardys storyline.
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Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens for the US title, Jericho is automatically traded to Smackdown if he wins. Owens retains here, because Jericho is going on tour with Fozzy this summer.
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Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss for the women’s title. Could go either way; I want Bayley to retain, but my gut says Alexa wins here.
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Adrian Neville vs. Austin Aries for the cruiserweight championship. Doesn’t make sense to do this match twice in a row for the same result, so Aries wins here.
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Seth Rollins vs. Samoa Joe. Joe should win this one easy.
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Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady vs. Bullet Club, part LXXVIII. …The Club, I guess? Let’s go with that.
The HoH match is non-title, so Bray could win. Maybe they’ll have Jinder appear with 10 arms and do a Bollywood demon dance or something to tie in his imminent feud with RKOrton.
I’m thinking Matt will eat a Brogue Kick from Sheamus while Jeff misses a 50-ft Swanton on Cesaro, thus the Hardy Boyz effectively die so that the Broken Hardys return with much rejoicing and deleting.
I’m most mad that I didn’t get the aforementioned survey. Don’t you people realize I love taking surveys? It’s my favorite thing ever.
I would be sad if Matt being broken (which he’s teasing in case you don’t know) means turning on Jeff. It would be lazy booking (We have nothing for them! Uh…Just face each other!) and also ruining a good thing. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they lose and it breaks them.
Well, then, that just makes Bray, in kayfabe, look like an idiot for willingly switching to Raw when he already had a guaranteed rematch locked in. Not that it’d be the first time Bray’s motiviations boiled down to “OOGA BOOGA SCARRRRRRY”.
Bray was at his best when he had Harper, Rowan and/or Stroman in the background as his brainwashed disciples. Their presence made it seem possible that Bray could corrupt innocent souls like the children in the audience. That’s what made him look menacing. Nowadays, the OOGAH BOOGAH shit makes him look like a joke that stopped being funny years ago.
It was inevitable that the Wyatts would break off into solo careers at some point, but Bray + worms, termites and maggots doesn’t quite replace the lost buzzards. Bray was a great cult leader archetype like Raven and Kevin Sullivan before him, but all the sudden Eric Young became the new Bray with SAni+y.
Crazzy Steve is supposedly joining WWE, so maybe he, Elias Sampson and Wolfgang from WWE UK could be the new Wyatt family. :dubious: If they manage to not half-ass HoH this Sunday, maybe Bray’s career can be saved.
It wasn’t until, like, a week ago that I even knew Crazzy Steve wasn’t with Impact anymore…much less was going to sign with WWE (this is what I get for being too busy to attend tapings).
I always thought he and Rosemary were the best parts of Decay, and he has a good “Vince-approved” body, so I imagine he’ll do quite well. Maybe I’ll see him at NXT tomorrow…
Sadly, the “House of Horrors” match will likely only feature images being projected on the mat.
My complaint as a wrestler would be that it is extremely distracting, not particularly scary and reduces you to overhead shots, which don’t flatter the action.
Goodness gracious…
I saw a tweet where he said he was accepting independent bookings for a limited time, so there must be some sort of period before he can report.
Apparently he’s legally blind as well.
Speaking of Impact, as I was watching, I realized that with the GFW merger, we have the following championships
Impact Heavyweight Champion
Impact Grand Champion
Impact X-Division Champion
Impact Tag team champion
Impact Women’s Champion
GFW Heavyweight Champion
GFW Next-Gen Champion
GFW Tag-Team Champion
GFW Women’s Champion
All on a 2-hour weekly show. Yet they still feel the need to spend time on announcer feuds, not to mention Spud vs Hornswoggle.
Don’t worry; those GFW championships are sure to be merged with the Impact championships at some point in the near future.
Payback opened with a surprise. What happened to his band tour?